Page 4 | Do you eat with your children. How?!

Bloodylush · 2020-08-13T16:52:29+00:00

It’s impossible! Mine always want extra drinks, more food, less food, different food, different cutlery, extra sauce, they like this, don’t like that. I’m up and down ten times. It’s so stressful there’s no point in trying. It’s easier to just sort them out and then eat later. I don’t know how a whole family can sit down to eat together at the same time and actually finish their meal and enjoy it.

Spandang · 13/08/2020 19:11

Challenging 7 year old here with PDA along with an older child too.

I find:

preempting everything beforehand removes the ‘I need X’

encourage self sufficiency - if you don’t do it now, how old are they going to be before they make themselves a drink? Are you going to let them make those demands at 20?

any ‘I don’t like chicken today’ is met with ‘okay that’s fine’ and ignore, talk to someone else. They eat the chicken anyway once the demand to eat chicken is removed.

ENGAGE! Biggest difference ever is engaging with them. Ask silly questions, ‘what superhero power would you have’ or play twenty questions.

It’s an opportunity for you to talk to your kids and it stops their minds buzzing about what they have, don’t have, didn’t do, are going to do next, said they’d get from the toy shop ~whatever~ it’s a form of distraction but it make mealtimes way more enjoyable.

DDIJ · 13/08/2020 19:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ImFree2doasiwant · 13/08/2020 19:13

50 % of the time I do. This is up from.....never. (I'm talking dinner time, not breakfast and lunch)

I put the food on the table with drinks and sauce, and cutlery and that's pretty much it unless they need a top up of water. I find myself eating very quickly though.

I'm single, they are 3 and 5 and is got in a rut of giving them quick easy dinners. The 5 yr old was starting to be fussy. Tonight he's just eaten a totally new meal, medium spice, with no complaining. Think this is as a result of me eating with them more

howlathebees · 13/08/2020 19:13

I do, they lay the table.

toohot200 · 13/08/2020 19:14

@Bloodylush

I agree preparation and setting it all out is key which I thought I did today but it still didn’t happen smoothly.

Today I made juice for dc age 13 and knew they would want more so put the carton next to them to finish off. That was gone in ten seconds and they still wanted another drink. It felt mean to say no. I could have said get it yourself but it’s easier, quicker and tidier for me to do it.

I don’t think it helps that I have a teeny tiny kitchen so if dc are wandering around getting extra stuff it’s a pain, They invariably can’t find it, can’t open it or just make so much mess it’s easier for me to get up.

Yes I could probably be stricter but I don’t find it enjoyable to eat and be reinforcing rules and table manners every two minutes or opening extra bottles or wiping up spillages. I like to eat in peace!

I think you've made a rod for your own back here. If you'd got them doing it at a much younger age, there would be no spillages or mess by 13! My autistic 9yo does everything including laying the table, making drinks and clearing up.....

LockdownMayhem · 13/08/2020 19:17

Yeah, just to echo the others really. Ever since mine were 3 and 5 they help set the table every day. Youngest does cutlery, oldest does water glasses. If they need more water during the meal, they get up and fill their glass up themselves. It takes about 10 seconds?! Same, if I haven't put out a condiment they want, they go and get it and bring it back to the table. But they just go and get what they need, then just sit back down again. There isn't really any need for them to be wandering around or faffing.

I think you need to just get them to do it, it might take a week or so for them to get used to it as they've been waited on for so long (which is why it's better to start early) but they'll get there (and thank you for it in the long run!)

toohot200 · 13/08/2020 19:18

Also worth thinking about what you want your 13 yr olds choice of partner and their parents to think of their mealtime skills.....can you imagine him expecting to be waited on as a young adult?

Original poster

Bloodylush · 13/08/2020 19:21

Maybe today was particularly up and down which made me irritable.

The scenario today was homemade soup which I made earlier in the day. Served in individual bowls heated up in the microwave. Dc looked like they might turn their nose up but didn’t. Ate it. Fine.

Then gnocchi which they didn’t like. I tried it and tbf I didn’t like it either (dried version) so couldn’t make them eat it if I wasn’t going to. So then I made prawn salad wraps. Up and down again making the wraps and getting the chilli sauce. Never mind. Everyone enjoyed.

Then the juice thing. I did say have water but they wanted juice and it felt mean when there was a new one out in the kitchen. Not a big deal so I got it.

Then rice pudding which I heated up individually in the microwave and added jam and the dessert spoons were too big so I got the teaspoons instead. By the time everyone had had that I felt I hadn’t sat down. Everyone else happy, me exhausted.

OP posts:

Crystal87 · 13/08/2020 19:22

About 3 times a week I'll do something homemade and we eat together. The only thing they ask for is drinks. I admit I do prefer eating with just DH when they are in bed.

sweetkitty · 13/08/2020 19:22

I’m shaking my head at this thread. I have fours DC and have always eaten with them even as babies and even if I was on my own with them.

Tonight was first day back at school so good chance to catch up. Youngest two laid the table I cooked, oldest two and DH cleared up. Youngest is 10 if he wants a drink or a condiment he knows where they are kept. As I keep telling them this is not a restaurant and I don’t get paid

GameSetMatch · 13/08/2020 19:28

Yeh we all eat together for our evening meal, but I’m up and down like a brides nighty! It’s annoying but I know I’ll miss it when they are older so I grin and bear it!

midnightstar66 · 13/08/2020 19:29

If they want anything extra once I've started eating they can get it themselves or wait til I'm finished.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 13/08/2020 19:30

you like to make it difficult for yourself don't you??

heating up several meals individually ...heating soup up in individual bowls is nonsense, likewise for the rice pudding

if you are not going to say no then you are just making a martyr of yourself, the only person not happy about this is you, and you don't seem to want to do anything about it except moan, so yes...meals with the children will be tiresome.

dollypops15 · 13/08/2020 19:30

I eat with mine somehow.... its like feeding time at the zoo. My daughter with asd likes to rock back n forth on her hair. Constantly tipping. My 2 year old wants everyone else's food. Spilled drinks evey tea time haha

daisyjgrey · 13/08/2020 19:31

@Bloodylush

Maybe today was particularly up and down which made me irritable.

The scenario today was homemade soup which I made earlier in the day. Served in individual bowls heated up in the microwave. Dc looked like they might turn their nose up but didn’t. Ate it. Fine.

Then gnocchi which they didn’t like. I tried it and tbf I didn’t like it either (dried version) so couldn’t make them eat it if I wasn’t going to. So then I made prawn salad wraps. Up and down again making the wraps and getting the chilli sauce. Never mind. Everyone enjoyed.

Then the juice thing. I did say have water but they wanted juice and it felt mean when there was a new one out in the kitchen. Not a big deal so I got it.

Then rice pudding which I heated up individually in the microwave and added jam and the dessert spoons were too big so I got the teaspoons instead. By the time everyone had had that I felt I hadn’t sat down. Everyone else happy, me exhausted.

That all sounds thoroughly exhausting and absolutely ridiculous.

Heat your soup in one big pan, dish it out, all sit and eat.

They had two glasses of juice, they can have water, or learn to do it properly themselves. Fetching drinks for 13 year olds is absurd.

Again, why are you heating multiple bowls of food up individually and standing around in the kitchen waiting for them all. Just do it all in one pan, dish it up and sit down.

I can't fathom why this is so difficult. Kids lay the table, sort drinks, jug of water or squash or something on the table, sauces, cutlery etc. Sit. Eat.

Sharpandshineyteeth · 13/08/2020 19:34

Teach them to be considerate and recognise that you have just sat down to eat a meal you have prepared. It’s not ok for you to be up and down like a waitress.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 13/08/2020 19:59

Bloodylush that just sounds daft though, why on earth do you look for the most labour intensive, fussy, long winded way possible of doing everything?

Just put all the food in the middle of the table in the pits you cook it in and serve at the table. Drinks too or get them themselves.

Incomprehensible why you choose such awkward ways of doing things.

Doublechins · 13/08/2020 20:01

Yes we all eat together. We make sure everything we need is on the table before we sit down. DC set the table while I make the dinner. They have to take dirty dishes back to the kitchen afterwards too even the 2 year old.

Mangofandangoo · 13/08/2020 20:02

Dd is 3, she likes to lay out the cutlery. I don't pander to her food strops really so sometimes she will just pick at her dinner but usually she is great. We all eat together at 6:30 then straight to bed - I know it's late but it works for us

Mangofandangoo · 13/08/2020 20:04

@Bloodylush

Maybe today was particularly up and down which made me irritable.

The scenario today was homemade soup which I made earlier in the day. Served in individual bowls heated up in the microwave. Dc looked like they might turn their nose up but didn’t. Ate it. Fine.

Then gnocchi which they didn’t like. I tried it and tbf I didn’t like it either (dried version) so couldn’t make them eat it if I wasn’t going to. So then I made prawn salad wraps. Up and down again making the wraps and getting the chilli sauce. Never mind. Everyone enjoyed.

Then the juice thing. I did say have water but they wanted juice and it felt mean when there was a new one out in the kitchen. Not a big deal so I got it.

Then rice pudding which I heated up individually in the microwave and added jam and the dessert spoons were too big so I got the teaspoons instead. By the time everyone had had that I felt I hadn’t sat down. Everyone else happy, me exhausted.

I'm sorry to say it but you don't sound very efficient

minnieok · 13/08/2020 20:06

You sit you eat, you prempt drinks, sauces and say no to everything else. We sat together from 6 months old

minnieok · 13/08/2020 20:07

Ps ours always ate at 6.30pm kids are adaptable!

SummerHouse · 13/08/2020 20:07

We eat together. It's a circus that nobody wants to be at. You have no suggestions from me op, just a jug full of sympathy and you can put your feet up whilst I pour you a cup full.

On a side note was your description of today the whole day or one meal? If you are doing a three course meal then you are a hero of epic proportions and I take my hat off to you!

SandieCheeks · 13/08/2020 20:08

Sounds like the issues where more that you decided to heat everything up individually, served something you hadn't tasted and then decided to make something else rather than a problem caused by eating with children.
If it was a meal with adults it would have been the same.

WarmthAndDepth · 13/08/2020 20:08

Always, every meal eaten at home including breakfast, since birth. At dinner table. Nobody leaves table until all have finished. DC 7 and 10. No pandering, if it's not on the table once we're sat down, we don't bother getting up to get it.