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Original poster

Do you eat with your children. How?!

145 replies

Bloodylush · 13/08/2020 17:52

It’s impossible!

Mine always want extra drinks, more food, less food, different food, different cutlery, extra sauce, they like this, don’t like that. I’m up and down ten times.

It’s so stressful there’s no point in trying. It’s easier to just sort them out and then eat later. I don’t know how a whole family can sit down to eat together at the same time and actually finish their meal and enjoy it.

OP posts:
GrumpyHoonMain · 13/08/2020 18:41

@Bloodylush

I agree preparation and setting it all out is key which I thought I did today but it still didn’t happen smoothly.

Today I made juice for dc age 13 and knew they would want more so put the carton next to them to finish off. That was gone in ten seconds and they still wanted another drink. It felt mean to say no. I could have said get it yourself but it’s easier, quicker and tidier for me to do it.

I don’t think it helps that I have a teeny tiny kitchen so if dc are wandering around getting extra stuff it’s a pain, They invariably can’t find it, can’t open it or just make so much mess it’s easier for me to get up.

Yes I could probably be stricter but I don’t find it enjoyable to eat and be reinforcing rules and table manners every two minutes or opening extra bottles or wiping up spillages. I like to eat in peace!

Your kids are old enough to be told to wait until after dinner to get their drinks. I would not be buying juice and making them all drink plain water for every meal if my kids treated me like a skivvy
latticechaos · 13/08/2020 18:42

They could but it’s easier for me to do it.

I've a friend says this with her kids, I don't get it. How can it possibly be easier to have to get up than to stay sitting on your backside??

But also - you're actually holding him back, as he isn't going to learn the basics unless he practises.

SandieCheeks · 13/08/2020 18:43

@Bloodylush

Tbf my 13 year old can cook and often helps but it’s during the meal I find a pain. Maybe it’s lack of prep at the start.

Anyway even if I made them clean up spillages or said, sit there and wait till I finish, or let everyone wander round looking for extra stuff, I don’t find that a relaxing way to conduct a meal.

But why is everyone wandering around looking for stuff?

Lay the table, all sit down and eat! Can you not put serving dishes and a water jug on the table so people can serve themselves more?

flummingbird · 13/08/2020 18:43

Well in that case you've chosen the way it's going in your house then. Everyone has said the alternative and you're not willing to go with that, so on you must struggle I guess... there's no magic fix other than saying no or telling them to get stuff themselves.

ChubbyPigeon · 13/08/2020 18:43

13 yo can get their own drink

Get them to set the table, put all tbe condiments on the table, jug of water on the table. If they want anything else they can get it themselves

I dont understand why they cant find condiments/juice/water in the jitchen? The tap is alqays in the aame place as is the fridge?

PMTRex · 13/08/2020 18:44

@Bloodylush

Yes additional needs but not particularly relevant to why they couldn’t get a drink. They could but it’s easier for me to do it.
I totally get that it's easier to do things yourself (sitting on my hands watching my 13 year old emptying the washing machine today) but I think they really need to learn to do domestic stuff for themselves, especially the boys - so they don't turn out to be the useless men I read about on here who dump al the domestic'wifework' on their female partners.
WorraLiberty · 13/08/2020 18:45

I've now got zero sympathy for you OP if you're running around after a 13 year old because 'It's quicker and easier if you do it'.

Knock yourself out but quite why you're complaining about your choices is baffling.

Lockdownseperation · 13/08/2020 18:45

Yes, 4 year old sets the table and gets the condiments. If she wants other cutlery or sauce she gets it herself. I make sure there is at least something on the plate that 4 year old will eat and 1 year old is less fussy.

MrsSchadenfreude · 13/08/2020 18:45

We always ate together and the DC ate what we had. It got them used to eating a variety of adult food. If they really didn’t like it, they could have a piece of cheese and some fruit instead. It was a fun family time.

Of course they would have preferred burgers, chips, nuggets or pizza, but this was treat food for when we went out to eat (if we went somewhere that it was on offer). We lived in Belgium and France until they were in their teens, which helped avoid beige food as children’s meals weren’t really seen as a thing there.

PotteringAlong · 13/08/2020 18:46

Well, you just don’t let them walk around and get extra stuff. Get it at the start and then when you’re at the table you don’t get up until you’re done unless you need the toilet (mine are little so not really at the holding it in stage).

tankflybos · 13/08/2020 18:49

You tell a 13 year old not to be so bloody rude asking people to get up and down for different food and a third drink for them Shock

Honestly, you're doing them no favours whatsoever. I'd be sitting down and having a discussion about how it's going to be from now on. Accept that you've created this monster and take responsibility for that, but that ultimately you are laying down the new rules from now on.

Apolloanddaphne · 13/08/2020 18:49

So note it is time to set some new rule OP. Tell them very clearly before dinner that things will change as you are fed up never being able to eat your food. Tell them they need to have everything they need on the table before dinner starts. Make setting the table their chore. If they need something they can go and get it but you won't be doing it. Do this every day. They will soon get the message.

lazylinguist · 13/08/2020 18:49

I agree preparation and setting it all out is key which I thought I did today but it still didn’t happen smoothly.

You shouldn't need to prepare beyond laying the table and putting the food on it. And glasses of water. I don't understand why there's all this to-ing and fro-ing. Confused

scintilla87 · 13/08/2020 18:50

It’s not about being strict, it’s just about getting into the right rhythm around meal times during which children should be as participatory in all aspects as the adults. Especially at 13.

Lockdownseperation · 13/08/2020 18:51

Sorry I had been lazy and not read your updates. I was expecting your children to be much younger. Do you think maybe you are babying them at bit?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 13/08/2020 18:56

The problem here is control creamery, not the kids. They will never learn if you try to control everything to prevent mess.

We've always eaten together since the kids were babies and at work in an assisted living facility with 14 young adults with learning disabilities we all eat together too. Of course there's mess. Clear it up afterwards (everyone/ whoever made the mess not just you).

Easiest is everything in the middle of the table and serve yourself. Very few children tall and mobile enough to reach the tap need to be waited on with drinks.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 13/08/2020 18:56

Blush control freak-ery not creamery!

MsEllany · 13/08/2020 18:58

So you won’t tell them no, but you don’t want them to actually sort themselves out either?

Well there’s no answer to that, is there? Confused

WineIsMyCarb · 13/08/2020 19:01

Hmmm probably 50/50.
2 preschoolers (one starting school next month).
Weekend meals all together (breakfast, lunch, dinner)
During the week I sit with them while they have something and then we eat later. Twice a week or so they have fish fingers/beans on toast etc in front of the tv (little table in the family room).
I have a limit of getting up for extra drinks/ different forks etc once only. If they don't like their spoon after that they can starve Grin

WineIsMyCarb · 13/08/2020 19:04

Should have RTFT so that'll learn me. at 13 I was cooking the odd meal for my family (under supervision, quite a big deal, looking through the cookbooks, undercooked ravioli or similar!)
Also at 13 I was at boarding school so had to did my own laundry, be in the right place at the right time and sort my own shit out.
Sorry OP, but limited sympathy here!

AriettyHomily · 13/08/2020 19:06

@Bloodylush

I agree preparation and setting it all out is key which I thought I did today but it still didn’t happen smoothly.

Today I made juice for dc age 13 and knew they would want more so put the carton next to them to finish off. That was gone in ten seconds and they still wanted another drink. It felt mean to say no. I could have said get it yourself but it’s easier, quicker and tidier for me to do it.

I don’t think it helps that I have a teeny tiny kitchen so if dc are wandering around getting extra stuff it’s a pain, They invariably can’t find it, can’t open it or just make so much mess it’s easier for me to get up.

Yes I could probably be stricter but I don’t find it enjoyable to eat and be reinforcing rules and table manners every two minutes or opening extra bottles or wiping up spillages. I like to eat in peace!

13?! I thought you were going to say 3.
TracyBeakerSoYeah · 13/08/2020 19:07

Put everything you need on the table.
Adults & kids get one drink with their meal either water or squash or pop.
If the kids are faffing about moaning I don't like this or don't want it, then they get told they can have toast & marmite or a bowl of cornflakes instead. It's suddenly funny how 9
times out of 10 the meals then get eaten.

Unfortunately you've made a rod for your own back.

SimonJT · 13/08/2020 19:08

They could but it’s easier for me to do it.

Its easier to do everything oursevles, but if we want our children to be functioning independent members of society we have to grow, part of that is teaching and expecting basic life skills.

My sons only five, he has various expectations in our home, for example, emptying the bottom of the dishwasher, putting dark/light laundry in the right basket, stripping his sheet off the bed, tidying his toys, helping make food, taking his pots into the kitchen etc.

It would be easier and quicker if I did it myself, but then I would be failing to prepare him for adulthood.

Illuyanka · 13/08/2020 19:10

I have 12 years old boy, and if he needs something, he will get it himself. It's really not good for them. Won't they become a spoiled adult who expects their partner to do everything for them?

corythatwas · 13/08/2020 19:11

Mine always want extra drinks, more food, less food, different food, different cutlery, extra sauce, they like this, don’t like that. I’m up and down ten times.

errr… we had one type of cutlery, there was one drink (water), the food there was was on the table and no other food was to be had, if they helped themselves to more food than they could eat they got a gentle reminder about not wasting food but nobody needed to jump up to remove the food

why on earth would you pander to somebody's wanting different cutlery- if they need it for disability reasons, surely you already knew that when you laid the table?

the idea of a 13yo who can't fill a water jug is somewhat worrying