If your parents are well off...

[Mamabeemer]

Do you get an allowance? Or holidays/car type things paid for?

Following a discussion with a friend who thinks this is what everyone who’s ‘from money’ does.

I'm my mums only child - she is very comfortably off, but not a millionaire or anything. She came from a very working class background as did my stepdad but they have worked hard all their lives. I am 42, I certainly don't get an allowance, but mum paid off my student debt to the tune of about 15k many years ago and gave me money toward the deposit for our first house. They sometimes do things like pay for a holiday house for us all, but my stepsister and I would then pay for their food, meals out, day trips etc to even things out a bit. I know mum has set up a savings account for all the grandkids. She will do things like pay for kids activities as xmas/birthday gifts.

I would never expect any of this however - it's up to her how she spends her money. She says she would rather spend than it be lost in inheritance tax or care home costs.

I did get some money every month until I started earning a certain amount and my mum still pays for my phone 😂

DP parents are more wealthy than mine (I'd say mine are comfortable) and he doesn't get an allowance. He used to get £150 a week until qualified in his field. Then they paid for our flat (so we're mortgage free) and consider that the end of their contributions.

As do we btw, we don't want anything else from them and are v grateful. Except the occasional free stay in their French property.

We had help with a house deposit (swiftly paid back) and family holidays/meals paid, although we attempt to buy meals/activities back. The other biggest help was education, so I could focus on degree/job without a second part time student job, relying solely on the student loan topped up by my parents.

But no regular allowance.

Funny how there seems to be a difference in getting a deposit for a house and getting an allowance for some posters. I don't understand why one is more acceptable than another?

My father is well off. I got the equivalent of a grant when I was at uni (he worked out what I would have got if entitled) he also paid my fees for mu diploma. Since then I have been very fortunate in that he helped me with a deposit for my first house about 20 years ago, and we've been on holiday with him a couple of times, when he's paid. No way would he give me an allowance, and I wouldn't accept it if he offered. He made sure I had a good education so I could support myself!

Funny how there seems to be a difference in getting a deposit for a house and getting an allowance for some posters. I don't understand why one is more acceptable than another?

🤣 at the posts that say I never expected or asked after listing the car, deposit & holiday gifts. What would you still be asking for???

Did you actually write this in the same post?

Since then I have been very fortunate in that he helped me with a deposit for my first house about 20 years ago, and we've been on holiday with him a couple of times, when he's paid.

He made sure I had a good education so I could support myself!

🤔😆

@bloopie he did! I didn't say I had done so entirely; obviously I have had help- that was rather the point of the first bit of my post. I am very fortunate and acknowledge that. No need at all for the sarcasm.

I am flabbergasted once again at the imbalance of society that frequents MN.
I love MN for the range of people on here, and finding out just how many people on here have lives that are so far apart from others on here.

Genuinely not here to have a go at anyone on here - if I had that much money, I too would be doing what I could to help my dc. I am, once again though, staggered at just how much money some people are talking about (and I speak as someone who considers themselves comfortably off - this isn't a jealousy thing). Just proves how nearly all of us move within circles of "people like ourselves".

No need at all for the sarcasm.

I didn't write anything sarcastic just highlighted the irony of your own post.

Just proves how nearly all of us move within circles of "people like ourselves"

I can have a rough guess how well off my friends are but I wouldn't be surprised if many are like me and keep quiet about personal finances.

My parents are fairly well off but I still had to pay them back for the car they got me as a teenager and I've not had an allowance since I was 18. Even as a student they didn't give me an allowance. The most that happens now is I get the occasional flight paid for as my dad works abroad. So either he pays or I don't visit. Since he "refuses" to travel economy sometimes the flight is business if we're travelling together. In perspective this is one return flight every 12 to 18 months. And in 5 years I've done one flight (one way) in business.

DH and I were having this very same debate over lunch today. We've always been open handed with them, but thanks to some recent developments we will be able to be very financially generous to our DCs, far more than we ever thought. Looking ahead, we intend to pay their tuition fees at university, buy them each a decent car and provide them with very hefty deposits for their first houses. But, it's a delicate balancing act because we don't want to take away their sense of self achievement or anticipation. If everything is instantly given to you and every wish immediately satisfied, then there is no excitement. I was privately educated and had friends who are still essentially living off their very wealthy parents some thirty years later, and there is definitely a sense of something lacking in their lives.

My friend's Dad bought her cars, a house, several businesses she wasn't confident about running. He eventually sold his company and gave each of his kids £5 million each. Sounds lovely but he was a controlling arse.

Someone I know who has an apparently very wealthy family and whose grandparents bought her mother a house (because the mother has no job) gets an allowance and she's late 20's. She doesn't work either. Wonder why...?! 🤔😁

In-laws are fairly well off (6 figure income and no mortgage to pay) and bought me a car when I crashed and stupidly only had third party insurance. Think it was around £700. Other than that no we don't get anything. They pay for meals and spoil our kids though.

My mum is single and works an (almost) minimum wage job so hasn't ever contributed to me past leaving home.

My parents aren't well off but are the type to give their children their last penny. Everything has always been for my brother and I. Got me my first car but went years themselves driving around in a old car is an example and paid our house deposits so had a mortgage longer than intended etc. Pay for my children's dance and football lessons so guess that a kind of allowance.

Ok, life makes more sense now! People I know with the same sort of income as me buying houses, driving nice cars/ fancy holidays ‘lunching’ all the time...

I was saying to my friend and she said ‘of course (x and y) do, their parents have money’ I told her I thought she was mad as grown adults don’t get given things by their parents.... clearly I was wrong

My parents don’t do badly but the most I’ve got is a £10 Argos gift card at Christmas

My parents have been very happy to provide a lot of financial support to their children.

I’m one of 5 siblings.

When I met my now DH, my parents were helping me with rent but when we moved in together and bought a property, he was uncomfortable having them contribute so I stopped accepting gifts from them like that- obviously, they still give me birthday and Christmas gifts, but these are fairly low value. They also paid for our wedding, as a gift- we had a small wedding so the cost wasn’t hugely extravagant or anything.

They bought each of my siblings their houses and pay for their cars. My sisters are all SAHP (though no longer have young/dependent kids) and have very luxurious lives.

DH and I are happy under our own steam. We have well paid jobs and a great relationship with my parents so it works well for all of us. I think my siblings have a different relationship with them because of the money.
They also have a different attitude to work and money because they’ll always have a bail-out option.

They’ve recently gifted each of my siblings a high 5-figure sum from a property sale. It can be a bit hard to see that and then remember your ethics.

I can’t complain because my parents did leave us the most when it came to splitting their estate. We’re not in the UK so tax/inheritance laws are different but we’ve “inherited” a property from my parents (who are both still alive) that’s very substantial. It has cost us a fortune in taxes, though.

I think they gave us the biggest property in an attempt to balance out the gifts given to my siblings. It was very much not something we expected, though.

A colleague of mine has wealthy parents and her 'allowance' is her mums state pension. Her mum doesn't need it and so she gives her bank card to my colleague and she spends the pension money every month.
The woman is a forty two year old professional.

My lovely parents were comfortable. They made certain my siblings and I had everything we needed to have a nice life. Our education and accommodation were paid for by them. We received our first cars as soon as we had our license. Our weddings and deposit for our homes were gifts they gave us. I think that we are all very grateful for the generosity shown to us by mum and dad.

My mum continues to be very generous to her children and grandchildren.

My mum is fairly comfortable but certainly not wealthy. She comes from a large family of fairly senior civil servant professionals (ie good pensions) almost all of whom did not have kids so as these people have passed away the savings they have accumulated have funnelled down.

It is standard in her family to share wealth very generously when there is need so my parents helped me with uni costs (I was pre fees) and my wider family chipped in with 'pocket money'. A small inheritance funded my deposit on my first flat (it really was small but it was the 90s) and my parents paid for my again very small wedding. There has been some 'gifting' to spread the inheritance tax burden but nothing huge, eg £5k towards a new car from my aunt with no kids.

So I have been lucky that I've had a lot of family help. My daughters are likely too as an awful unexpected bereavement saw an inheritance which had been put in trust for them to cover uni fees or a house deposit or something.

But no expectation of an allowance or any of the generosity we've received. Much if it has come through inheritance so very much tinged with sadness.

@TulipsandDa1s1es

my parents are well off. they didnt pay for much for me after the age of 16. certainly not an allowance. £30 at birthdays and christmas. no help when i got married or bought a house. no money towards uni (i worked in a shop). retired yet have never offered childcare and dont really come over unless they want something. however if a situation will benefit them (like a holiday or if they want to do a day out to tell their friends about) they will pay to ensure they are invited. But they make sure they get their money back in other ways and hold things over us a lot, so we aim not to accept things very often.

however DHs parents, who still work full time in their 60s (low paid jobs) are extremely generous, bought my dress for our wedding (MIL just went in and paid or it without me knowing) are constantly treating DC (& us) to things they see when theyre shopping. also they work their shifts so they can collect DC from school and make them their dinner one night a week (their request).

Your PILs sound so lovely - I can feel the warmth from here! My DM is pretty good, but your PILs have her beat