If your parents are well off...

[Mamabeemer]

Do you get an allowance? Or holidays/car type things paid for?

Following a discussion with a friend who thinks this is what everyone who’s ‘from money’ does.

My parents contributed to our wedding. But no handouts for deposits, holidays or anything else at all. I had to pay my mum to look after my DCs when they were young as she was so broke. I feel a mix of envy for some of you having all that help and security as well as cringe for you. I cannot fathom having my parents pay for my phone bill! Especially if you also recieve a direct debit from your parents. It just seems to greedy .

We live in London so when our friends and selves were trying to get on the property ladder some 20 years ago we were the only ones not to get help with the deposit. The whole concept of parents being able to lend ,never mind give large sums of money was just not possible for us.

However, I feel incredibly proud of what we have achieved and that we have done it all ourselves.
Our children have grown up in a far better situation than either of us did. To most people it's just 'normal'. A 3 bed semi and both DCs in state school. 5 year old car on the drive and a holiday abroad every few years. But that 'normal' is so far removed from what we both grew up with (or without) that I know the children will benefit after us. They both have savings accounts and my plan is to be able to buy them a car when they are 18, keep them out of debt at university, contribute to weddings and then hopefully a larger lump sum when we sell up and move out of London when we retire. If I could do those things I would be happy. I appreciate we have benefitted from London house prices, but we have also saved hard and prioritise security. Unfortunately my parents were the opposite and we have had to rescue them many times over the years, even when we had very young children and could have done with some help ourselves, we were buying them basics and paying for essential car repairs. That's not a burden I would want placed on my children.

My PIL are well off but don't spend anything. They save. Now in their 80's but still living on the cheap.
They did give SIL £10k towards her first house however, and paid for all her wedding. DH got neither.
They once talked of giving us a contribution towards DS1 school trip to USA to match what they might give my nephew towards his trip to Spain. My nephew ended up not going, so we got nothing then either..
A £20 cheque for birthdays is the norm.
My parents are dead.

My dad is quite well off and gave me an allowance through university. He now offers to help with various things like school trips abroad, help towards a car and he recently bought us a new sofa set (which was his idea as he thought our old one was scruffy!) He also always gives us a few hundred pounds for holiday spending money each year and tends to give us a similar amount each Christmas. He is very generous and I am very grateful. We are also very close and I have turned down his offers for help at times as I felt bad because we do both have good jobs.

My parents didn't come from money but are well off now (typical boomer stuff - generous final salary pensions, benefited from massive house price rises etc).

They haven't given me an allowance since I was 22 (it carried on for a year after leaving uni while I found my feet) but they have helped me and my brother with things like house purchases, SIL's fees when she went to uni as a mature student, that sort of thing.

PIL very comfortable and generous, would do anything to make our lives easier with time and money. Not an allowance but would give us money if we ever needed or were struggling which is very reassuring.

Bought DH his flat outright, gave us £200k when we bought our house. Generous presents when got married and DD born. Pays into DDs savings ISA from time to time. Have to not mention things around them or they'll try to pay.

SIL, in addition to house, has family cars bought, family holidays with PIL paid for, schools fees for 3 DCs paid, school trips paid for. If comes visit PIL with DC and they go shopping MIL will pay for train, lunch and all the shopping. And not very generous about it.

MIL likes to buy winter coats every year for all grandchildren, very sweet.

My PILs are very wealthy. They do expect their children to stand on their own two feet and fund their own lifestyle, but they help with the big stuff. They helped each of their children with their house deposits, and have offered to pay half of our children's school fees throughout their time at school. They pay for one family holiday a year which we all go on together. I think the biggest thing is just having a safety net, though. DH is self-employed and had an unexpected professional expense a couple of years ago. His parents loaned us the money (a five-figure sum) immediately, with no qualms. We did repay them within 3 months (it was just a cash flow issue).

I'm not going to tell my children how much they'll inherit one day, until they're adults established in their own careers - I worry they'd lack motivation if they knew.

I do get quite a lot of help. Various medical issues have meant that Im not sure what my income will be. My parents are very generous and financially secure. I’m better now but they would not have wanted me to claim low income benefits. They very much believe in a welfare state and happy to pay tax towards it but if those resources can go to someone in more need that’s better. (Also I did start to claim after university and it was more trouble for them, I can’t drive (disability) and no public transport where they live so they had to drive me to the Jobcentre.)

@nancy75 kudos to your parents.
What an amazing feeling your dad must get to be able to gift things and look after you when he wants to.

I consider my parents very comfortable. Boomers that benefited from house right to buy etc but they are not in the super rich bracket.

My kids get £20 each for on holidays and they get generous Xmas birthday gifts.

I get nothing as a gift except on my birthday Xmas etc

No, but I know they would have if I had needed it. I know that some of my siblings debts have been paid off but I wouldn't expect the same as any money was hard earned.

I actually feel sorry for the celebrity kids who’s parents say they won’t leave them any money in their will and demand they stand on their own feet etc. Imagine being raised to have an incredibly privileged life knowing you have no hope in hell of replicating that as an adult.

I do have friends who are multimillionaires and yes they have bought their kids a house each in London and I know they do support one of them due to serious health issues

No .. I'd be ashamed to take it !!

Now they are retired they are loaded but as tight as a mouse's fart.
They most extravagant gift and the only gift I have received from them since I left home at 20 was a Barbantia pedal bin as a housewarming. Sister got a deposit for her house.
If they offered me a handout now I'd be wary of the strings attached to accept it

If I was rich I’d probably ruin my children. I’d never want them to worry about a penny in their lives.

That’s probably because I’ve always been poor and struggled myself though. Maybe I’d feel differently if I’d always been rich.

Don't think she was well off, but dh's Grandma continued to put aside 50p a week for each of her Grandchildren until she died, when he was 30

@BackforGood this is beautiful - love in action 💕

One issue with wealthy parents gifting their dcs money in their lifetime to reduce the size of their estate subject to inheritance tax is that if the dc gets divorced, that gift could be divided up as part of matrimonial assets and the spouse gets a chunk of that gift.

Wealthy parents have to do a balancing act ...

I can see why parents may prefer not to help out in terms of assets (e.g. providing for a house deposit for a dc) but help out in terms of expenses (e.g. paying for a wedding or private school fees) because a divorcing spouse cannot take that with him/her.

Or set up a trust, but that incurs fees and only makes sense if the assets are very substantial.

Not an allowance but parents paid for first property, full university fees etc for siblings and myself. We also received some funds from a trust that they had set up. They still do give us funds periodically, for their grand children, so as to reduce the amount payable for inheritance tax in the future. We plan on doing the same for our DC's.

Not me but DH (so I benefit too), his parents set up accounts for him she. Young that he gets monthly income from, plus they pay for our kids to go to private school and have made occasional extra gifts like money towards our deposit on the house. I feel exceptional fortunate and know this is highly unusual as I come from a very ordinary background.

It depends how old they are? My parents kept my university allowance going for several years after uni even when I was working in London. I didn’t ask them too, Eventually I told them I was earning plenty and didn’t need it.

Not me, but my rich friend had a $10,000/month allowance up until his first trust fund paid out.

Another friend is a member of the aristocracy. I don't know his exact allowance but I estimate it's £2000-3000 a month. His family is more asset rich (lots of prime real estate) than cash rich, though.

as a pp mentioned alot of the parents at the school gates have their school fees paid for by Gps. But that makes sense as it is one of the only tax efficient ways people can gift their own money to their children / grandchildren. In fact our school has discounts if you pay 7 years up front.

Oh and i have nevr asked for anything. My FIL used to love me for that. So every Christmas he would give me £500 cash and tell me to spend it on something ridiculous for myself, otherwise he would ask for it back. One year i bought myself a falconry course. :)

he was a great FIL. :)

They paid for my deposit on my first flat in London although I still got a 95% mortgage and have always helped me out here and there when I’ve needed it, but my sisters and I are all very conscious of not taking the piss as we are all in our 40s now

Mine weren't ( parents rich) but I am, and I've never not helped my grown up kids when asked.

I don't think they've cottoned on how rich I actually am, that will be a pleasant surprise for them when I die and leave it all to them.
I'm not flash, I have encouraged them to strive for good educational results and to get into good jobs, and tried to install a good work ethic into them. They are kind to others and appreciate things. To me that's something you learn when you have been through life and learned through experience. You don't learn if someone just bails you out all of the time.

My parents were not well off but they gave me an allowance when I was in education and helped me afterwards. My mum bought me a second hand car.

I did same for mine, didn't buy car but gave £4,000 towards it.

What people give to their children is not always dependent on how wealthy parents are. Some very well off people are stingy with their kids and others who are relatively poor will scrape together a bit of money for them.