If your parents are well off...

[Mamabeemer]

Do you get an allowance? Or holidays/car type things paid for?

Following a discussion with a friend who thinks this is what everyone who’s ‘from money’ does.

My parents and my in laws both are.
My parents have helped me enormously over the years when needed but are quite sensible with money and do expect their children to make their own way but knowing they are always there.
My MIL on the other hand would give us everything tomorrow if we asked. We are therefore very careful with her as she wants to spend all her money on her family and we want her to keep it as security throughout her retirement.
No allowance as all of us kids would find it weird but yes, my parents may book a holiday home somewhere and invite us for free/paid for wedding/uni/first car etc.
We feel very lucky.

@lurch3r

Reading these posts is a bit of an eye-opener. It's obvious how wealth gets handed down within families in quite a subtle way and can result in a huge cumulative advantage, even if parents are not particularly 'wealthy'.

In my parents case giving us what they never had is why they worked so hard. My dad grew up on the roughest council estate in London, 14 kids in a 3 bed flat, dad in & out of prison, left school at 13 because his mum couldn’t afford to buy school uniform. He wanted our life to be the opposite of his.

Yes I think very wealthy people do. I know one who gets £90k pa to oil the wheels and make family life easier. I know another who gets a similar dividend from a family biz for doing zilch. I only know as I was told straight out of uni when we were all uncouth and discussed money.
Since being at the school gate I know countless other parents who are having their school fees paid by the grandparents. I admit I find it slightly galling. I’m trying to be a better person and not so much of a green eyed monster!

My parents are properly loaded, but we had literally nothing when we were growing up. They saved for 4 years to take my sister and I to Disneyland Paris when we were 7&9. It’s a very new thing.

Since they made money they have bought myself, my sister and brother a house in the cities we live in, and paid into a pension fund for us all.

We all earn a good wage (I manage a restaurant group, my sister is a ward sister, my brother an engineer for Jag/Land) but we will never have to worry about money,

It’s also encouraged us all the work fucking hard. We saw what it was like having nothing as littlies, and now appreciate what hard work and luck brings.

@BackforGood
Don't think she was well off, but dh's Grandma continued to put aside 50p a week for each of her Grandchildren until she died, when he was 30 grin

That's really lovely... Bless her.. My lovely uncle gave DS 50p each time he saw him, and DS never forgot. 💕

My parents are well off and worked hard for it. I would never want an allowance off them but I know if we ever needed money they'd be happy to help.
For example we needed a new washing machine but it was a tight month so we asked them and they happily gave us the money for it.
I know they really like to be generous (and I like the back up of knowing they're there) so I would never disrespect that generosity by not asking if we could use some help, just like I'd never take the piss with asking for anything unreasonable.

My bestie gets £800 a month from her trust fund and always has since she turned 18, we're in our thirties now.

My parents regularly treat all of the family - offspring, partners, gc - to meals out, days out, a minimum of a holiday a year, plus gifts as/when and "helping out".
They're not well off, but we're all very close.

It depends.

My friend at school had incredibly rich, but incredibly weird parents. They wouldn't give her a penny, ever.

I can see the reasoning, sort of, but however they did it she is very definitely damaged by it - the tightest person I've ever met, to an extreme degree.

My dad is very well off, he paid for my first car, driving lessons & insurance for the 1st year. He also paid for my wedding. I don't get an allowance, but he regularly treats me, my DH and DC. I'm very grateful for his generosity and would love to be able to do that for my children when they are the same age.

My parents are pretty well off, although not super rich. They have no mortgage and a fair bit in savings. I certainly don’t get an allowance from them as an adult, but they did give me financial support for my first degree (not a huge amount, I was expected to earn during the summer holiday, but enough that my student loan is less than it would have been). They also have a habit of treating us e.g. to a mini-break at the sea side a couple of times a year, and they helped us massively last year by paying off a chunk of our mortgage. I don’t EXPECT anything from them, and plan on the basis of getting nothing, but I do appreciate that they have been very supportive during my adult life and have helped smooth over what would otherwise have been financially tricky spots.

Maybe I should be embarrassed by this but at 42 my parents still help me out with money quite often.

They have very extravagant holidays and would pay for us all to come with them. That sort of thing. That might be twice a year, definitely once at least.

My dad gave me £5000 a few weeks ago to pay for various unexpected bills.

If we are out shopping my mum will pay for everything from lunch to whatever I am buying whether that’s for me or the kids or whatever. I’m talking expensive clothes or home wares etc.

I don’t get an allowance as such but if I needed it (for example if I gave up work which my mother regularly tries to persuade me to do) they would bridge the gap.

Aware I’m very lucky and privileged to have this safety net.

My mum is dirt poor but my dad is daily well off having had a very well paid job in Dubai for 15 years and very little outgoings.

He helped me and DP when we bought our first house - not deposit help, but stamp duty, new kitchen and some decorating and furniture level of help. He will give the same amount to my brother when he buys.

Apart from that, he is very generous at Christmas and birthdays and never lets me or DP put our hands in our pockets when we go for dinner etc.

I never expect anything financially from him and am very grateful of the help he's given me. But I'm a grown up with a job and would never expect him to pay for my holidays or give me any sort of allowance.

My parents aren’t wealthy, but they save well and don’t spend a lot - I’m 30 and married, and my parents pay for mine and my younger siblings phones (account has never changed from my mums name since my first phone and it’s less than £10 a month so I could easily afford) and my parents give both me and sibling some money each month towards childcare fees.

I’ve asked to change the account to my name and said I can afford the childcare without the money, but they insist. A lot to do with the fact that my sibling probably does need the money, gets a lot of extras, and they want to be equal with us.

It does make me uncomfortable at times, and I’m embarrassed if it comes up in conversation with anyone.

Its smart for very wealthy people to give allowances to their kids as it reduces inheritance tax liability. If it goes into specific types of trust then the person to whom the wealth goes doesn’t need to declare it as income.

Daily? Fairly.

I wouldn’t say wealthy, they were both In civil servant type jobs, but they gave me and my sibling £3k a year at Christmas, the max I think you’re allowed to give. I refused it years ago because of the apron strings that were attached. My sibling still takes it.

No! If my dad ever offers money it comes with a heap of strings and sulking. He will buy dd toys and clothes happily without any request if she asks for them, but I know better than to accept. Prime example; my birthday just last month and he asked what I would like. Might sound normal but this never happens. I thought about it for a few days and went back with two options and said either would be lovely and thank you in advance. He went silent. Pops up 3 weeks later to say he didn't get me anything because last time he visited he paid for food and that should be enough . Not sure why he bothered asking to be honest! With me he is a tight bastard . Just because someone is loaded doesn't automatically make them generous to their children!

So sad NAS :(

I am not sure what level of rich is being talked about here.
The problem I see is that my family are in a better financial state than the parents of my AC's partners' parents. There was willing on my family side to help but what was offered was refused. I get the feeling that cash was what was wanted. This was never going to happen, it was use of assets that was offered. Prior to the refusal my family were not bothered about the fact that the other sets of parents could not match what was being offered. Once the partner of one of the ACs started asking for more and more but not what was on offer the bank of family closed down.
It does not give any one of us pleasure to know that our ACs are in debt. What caused annoyance was the assumption that because someone was a partner to one of our family they had a say in the family finances.
I would love to have helped but as a person who has helped build the family financial situation I am not going to take "financial advice or demands" from someone who does not know what earn a living or save is.
It is on my conscience all the time. I cant do anything because this has annoyed people further up the business than me.

Yes they’re well off. As in several holidays a year well off I don’t know what that means in the grand scheme of things. They have a lovely big 4 bed house and my dads said before now they’ve more money than they know what to do with.

They don’t give us kids anything on a regular basis and we’d never expect them too. But they’ve helped us out with a cash gift when we went through a tough time a couple of years ago. And gave the same my siblings to make it fair. I remember about 20 years ago he gave us £2k out of the blue. It was the same reason. One of my siblings took an interest free loan from them to buy their first car. When it got to £2k left on the loan they wrote it off and gave us all the same.

I just want them to enjoy what they’ve worked so hard for.

My parents are wealthy. Didnt get a penny from them for years and years ( nor did I want it or ask for it) but in more recent years theyve been crazy generous. I've fallen on hard times so appreciate it. Definitely not an allowance though!
And mine didnt inherit but both have worked hard and were very frugal for a long time.

I suppose mine are well off but not rolling in it! Mortgage paid off, nice car, dad retired a decade ago having climbed the ranks at the same company his whole life and left with a damn good pay out and pension and brings home about £2500 a month in pensions. Considering the biggest bill is the council tax he’s doing well.

Allowance? No. Not since I was 16 and got a Saturday job. He did however pay my uni accommodation and my mobile during uni (rest was loans like most others - he didn’t have cash in the bank then). He now does largely from inheritance (half of it very unexpected).

I don’t know how much he has. I can take a rough guess because I know his income and I know some level of the inheritance that he received but I don’t know the full whack. I don’t know his work pay out. I know he recently got an inheritance and no clue how much it was.

He is generous, not spoiling. I pay my own way in life. He does however do good on Xmas and birthdays - I normally get a gift and £100. He takes our family on holiday each year which is amazing but he says as he is on his own he wants to. He normally pays the bill at restaurants. He has helped friends in trouble. He lives his life - spends it travelling to places he wants to go, has his dream car, treats himself.

So no - no allowance, I don’t get daily things paid for by him, but do get treats. I paid for my own home, furniture, transport etc and continue to do so.

I don't know if my parents would be classed as wealthy but they are well off I suppose. They paid all my university tuition fees, gave me an £80k deposit for my first property, paid £50k for my wedding (their choosing) and sporadically give cash gifts to help at times, but more in the region of £1000. That's rare now though, maybe once a year, so although they helped out with the "big" stuff there's no ongoing allowance or anything like that.

My children have no student debt
They each get/got £200 a month for their help to buy isa from age 18
They got a car for 18th if they wanted one and they are all on a household policy still
I still gave all the phones on a cheap unlimited family contract (since 1998)

I don’t give them an allowance except the 1 who is still a student.