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Original poster

If your parents are well off...

150 replies

Mamabeemer · 08/08/2020 21:13

Do you get an allowance? Or holidays/car type things paid for?

Following a discussion with a friend who thinks this is what everyone who’s ‘from money’ does.

OP posts:
rosesandcashmere · 08/08/2020 22:27

My father is wealthy. I've always worked incredibly hard and I've been successful, but he has helped me in an emergency. I appreciate I'm very lucky.

CouldBeOuting · 08/08/2020 22:34

My parents were well off. They went on luxury holidays while brother and I stayed with grandparents. I had to leave school before completing A levels as they refused to support me any further (I was hoping to go to university). At 18 I was paying a commercial rent plus living costs. I left home as soon as I possibly could. Widowed Dad remarried a woman who LOVES to spend money.... he is no longer anywhere near as well off as he was and has hinted that DH and I are now comfortable so could maybe help out..... NO WAY!

MrsEricBana · 08/08/2020 22:41

No but lots of people I know have parents who pay for dgc''s school fees, annual multigenerational holiday etc.

Pixilicious · 08/08/2020 22:41

Wow! You guys are lucky

SeaToSki · 08/08/2020 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 08/08/2020 22:47

My gosh some people are so lucky, if my mum buys me a pint of milk she wants the money back to the penny!

I got £4,000 "inheritance" when my dad died, which is more than I expected, we had a family holiday with half and then the rest went into savings

kerfuffling · 08/08/2020 22:49

The only people I know who are very well off and could certainly afford to do it - didn't.

They paid for the dc education and university and that was that.

They were told 'YOYO' - you're on your own.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 08/08/2020 22:49

I think that those saying "I have wealthy parents but I work hard and earn my own money" shouldn't be too self-congratulatory - by virtue of the privilege and wealth you're born into it's easy to "work hard" and do well. Everything from living in a nicer area, therefore nicer school, uni fees etc. I should expect anyone with very wealthy parents to do well in life.

StaffAssociationRepresentative · 08/08/2020 22:54

When my granddad died my mum gave me £500. He left about £100k which was a lot of money back then (and still is now). A couple of years after I graduated she asked for the money back saying it was a loan. I gave her the money but since then I have not given her another penny. She wanted me as a student to get a mortgage to buy a second home for her even though she was sat counting grandad's money.

She has hinted over the years that I should pay her utility bills on occasions but I have ignored all hints. She thinks I should pay to take her away on weekends away. She knows that she overstepped the mark all those years ago.

She has money and I always say that I don't want her money, any money can go straight to the grandkids. She hates it but I will not be held ransom on the promise of inheritance.

I am generous with my kids at university in that I pay their rent and living expenses but that is because I want to and can - no strings attached. And yes I will give them money towards a house deposit.

binnydinny · 08/08/2020 22:56

It's hard not to be a tiny but jealous, I know so many people who get chucked a 100k here or there to buy a house, move up the ladder, pay school fees etc.

SendHelp30 · 08/08/2020 22:59

My parents bought my 2 siblings and I a house outright from a large inheritance they received from my grandparents.
They also bought us all our first cars and paid the insurance and for driving lessons. This was pre-inheritance and they gave us all a good chunk towards our weddings.
They both worked very hard to get their careers and continued to work when they received the inheritance as they used it to set us 3 up instead.

Cloudwatching57 · 08/08/2020 22:59

Nothing regular but they did gift us 80,000 when we bought our second house, which obviously reduced our monthly mortgage a lot which makes life much easier. Have taken us on holiday regularly and paid for everyone, including my sister’s family too, not abroad just a basic holiday cottage in Uk type thing. They’re not flashy people at all.

Dogsgowoofwoof · 08/08/2020 23:01

My parents aren’t well off so I don’t receive financial help. I find it weird that fully grown adults accept regular money from a parent. When do these people ever stand on their own 2 feet.

No I’m not jealous at all, proud that everything we (me and dh) have, has been achieved ourselves.

Elphame · 08/08/2020 23:05

Great IHT planning. It’s something I often used to recommend to clients with high disposable income

Houndabouttown · 08/08/2020 23:06

Eyes well and truly opened by this thread

Feelingfree · 08/08/2020 23:06

I am in a position to help my young adult children. They both work hard and earn their own money however they still live at home at the moment as we live in Surrey and buying a house here is expensive. I gave them £4K each last year to put into a help to buy ISA and will do the same this year and will probably top that up when they are in a position to buy.

Although they have had a privileged upbringing both had part time jobs from age 14/15 and have always been brought up work hard. I would rather help them financially now when they are getting started in life than wait until I pass away (hopefully in many years to come yet) before they get inheritance money.

Cloudwatching57 · 08/08/2020 23:11

@Dogsgowoofwoof Just speaking of my own circumstances, I’ve had a huge helping hand, and because of that, I don’t have to actually actively worry about money (lockdown for example, have had zero income and whilst that’s not ideal and it wouldn’t be sensible to jet off on a holiday or buy a new car, we won’t starve or lose our home) but I do still need to work.
I could work much less or for less pay, but then I would have a very basic level of living - nothing new, no abroad holidays, no restaurants, Strict budget, no new bikes etc for the kids. So I earn according to the lifestyle I want - which is also not flashy by the way, but just so I can do nice things.
So I feel like, yes, I had a big leg up, but I do stand on my own two feet definitely. They’re not usually involved in our finances. And I do have student debt.

nancy75 · 08/08/2020 23:12

@GlummyMcGlummerson

I think that those saying "I have wealthy parents but I work hard and earn my own money" shouldn't be too self-congratulatory - by virtue of the privilege and wealth you're born into it's easy to "work hard" and do well. Everything from living in a nicer area, therefore nicer school, uni fees etc. I should expect anyone with very wealthy parents to do well in life.
Not the case for me, for most of my childhood we lived in a deprived London borough, they became better off in my teens. One parent left education at 13, the other at 15. The closest anyone in my family had been to university was my nan being a cleaner at Goldsmiths. Hard work was valued but education not so much, I was brought up to think about getting a job, not university.
BackforGood · 08/08/2020 23:21

I totally get the wanting to help adult dc as and when they need it, rather than hoarding your money until you die, if you are a wealthier parent, but I am curious as to how the (adult) dcs' tax works if all these people are being 'gifted' several thousand as deposits for their first homes.
Is it all done by used notes in a brown paper bag, or is there an amount that you are allowed to receive from your parents if it is for a deposit, or something of an 'advance' on a future inheritance ?

Bouledeneige · 08/08/2020 23:21

I know some trust funds kids. My best friend had a godfather who left her a legacy which she got as a trust fund at 21 and which she used for her first house deposit. Another friend had a trust fund which guaranteed her an income - she never stuck at anything and resented other people's careers.

My DDs oldest friend has a trust fund set up by her late father which guarantees her an income for life of £42k a year - same as her brother and two step sisters. She has no student loan and will have a house to live in post uni (though she will need to pay rent).

She dresses in charity shop clothes and hides her money from her uni friends. She's lovely. But well. She's says she'd rather her Dad didn't die and her Mum cared ( she was sent to boarding school as soon as her Mum re-married).

IceCreamSummer20 · 08/08/2020 23:22

It is very stark how different it is. I’m not begrudging my friends who all had big handouts. I’d do it for my kids if I could. However now we are all over 40 they have all mortgage free. Their parents gave them either half of their mortgage interest free, or paid their mortgage off for them.

I have not had any handouts at all from my parents and will not receive an inheritance.

I do wish we’d be a bit upfront about it though. My friends are lovely but they do spend quite a bit of time playing their advantage down, and being frugal almost as if they want to appear the same as everyone else.

IceCreamSummer20 · 08/08/2020 23:24

@BackforGood

I totally get the wanting to help adult dc as and when they need it, rather than hoarding your money until you die, if you are a wealthier parent, but I am curious as to how the (adult) dcs' tax works if all these people are being 'gifted' several thousand as deposits for their first homes. Is it all done by used notes in a brown paper bag, or is there an amount that you are allowed to receive from your parents if it is for a deposit, or something of an 'advance' on a future inheritance ?
None of my friends paid tax on their gifts of at least £100,000 each. Which went straight into their mortgage.
Carpballs · 08/08/2020 23:27

Very wealthy parents but my father is as tight as a ducks arse when it comes to his daughters....made to feel guilty for being sent to the private schools that they insisted we attend and pretty much for existing.

My brother on the other hand....anything he wants, he gets. He hasn't paid a bill/days rent in his nearly 40yrs. Stereotypical public school boy.

Huge disparity in birthday/Christmas gifts.

His lessons have only created resentment between us siblings because only me and my sister can see how wrong it is.

IceCreamSummer20 · 08/08/2020 23:31

@GlummyMcGlummerson

I think that those saying "I have wealthy parents but I work hard and earn my own money" shouldn't be too self-congratulatory - by virtue of the privilege and wealth you're born into it's easy to "work hard" and do well. Everything from living in a nicer area, therefore nicer school, uni fees etc. I should expect anyone with very wealthy parents to do well in life.
I’m afraid I also think this. I know why people do it, but please don’t. My friends also go on about how hard they work, how they can’t afford everything, how hard their parents work. They say that to me regularly.

I’m not sure why, as I love them dearly, but it’s the one thing that makes me think internally ‘how dare you’! They all have their mortgage paid and I got mine going all on my own. We are not equal. They had a huge leg up through no work. I work hard. My parents work hard. It’s not actually the difference in working that has made me and my friends unequal. It is the fact that their parents all had generational wealth, or were lucky in their jobs.

The cleaners work hard. Nurses work hard. Bin men work hard.

It’s ok to take money you haven’t earnt. It is not ok to diminish other people’s work just to make yourself out to be less privileged than you are.

Toddlerteaplease · 08/08/2020 23:38

Someone I work with has wealthy parents. She works 1 shift a month, drives a BMW and lives in a very expensive area. Her daughter goes to private school. She's absolutely lovely. But I don't think I could live like that.

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