Please tell me I was right...

[tunnocksreturns2019]

...not to settle.

I knew he wasn’t right for me for numerous reasons though a lovely guy; so I told him to go meet someone else who he could have a proper relationship with.

So he did. And now I’m gutted.

I knew it wouldn’t work, but feeling so alone. I know I did the right thing by him.

Really I just miss my late husband and I want him back. It wasn’t that the new guy didn’t live up to DH, by the way - too big an age gap and too big a difference in life outlook.

I know ‘just friends’ won’t work so I’ve lost a significant friendship from the last 3.5 years too.

Oh well. Off to hug my lovely DC. My heart hearts. My grief for DH is right back at the surface.

You have done absolutely the right thing. Be very kind to yourself and let yourself be sad for a bit. Grieve what could have been, but know that it wasn’t right for you.

Imperfect relationships get worse with time

Thank you. I am so, so upset. Disappointed in myself.

He’s asked if we can be friends and I’ve said no, that won’t work for me, maybe one day in the future. It’s totally unwise. He waited several years for me to commit to see if it was just that I was grieving DH, and only moved on when I was clear (yet again!) I knew it wouldn’t work.

Be gentle with yourself. ...even though it was right it can hurt.

Thanks. It really does hurt. Going to stop crying and change the bedlinen! Then taking DC out with a friend as I’m not working today.

I think that was a very insightful, brave and unselfish thing to do op. You sound very self aware.
Sending you

I messaged to ask him to drop keys through the door whilst I’m away this weekend - found someone else to look after pet. I’ve got a message I’m not going to reply to:

“I'm so sorry. I've got this totally wrong. No idea what to say or do. But please don't go away xxx”

No woman in a new relationship needs me being friends with her new chap. So yep, I’m totally going away, however much it hurts at first. I’m not going to reply.

A lot of the hurt is, I know, about how likely it is I’m going to stay on my own whilst everyone else I know is in a happy couple and their kids have dads who are alive and everything. I’m 41 and feel 105.

hippo tbh it’s learning from previous mistakes 🤣😭

I am so bloody lonely.

for you x

He doesn't sound right for you, and as PP has said - imperfect relationships only get worse. It was totally the right thing. Enjoy your day out with DC & your weekend away.x

Thank you

Kids will be seeing their cousins for the first time since Feb.

Thats so hard, it's so cruel you've lost your husband so young. You've done the right thing though. I'd say dont think of it as you'll be alone forever, but take a year or so to find contentment by yourself. Perhaps some counselling? I'm so sorry for your loss, the loss of what you had and what you expected your future to be.

Thank you. I’m not sure about counselling. I’ve thought about it before and I’m really fussy about who I’d talk to. But I do have lots of good plans and really super (if challenging at times!) DC

And yes, perfect husband dead of cancer at 37. Terminally ill by the time our youngest was 2. Life, eh?

Oh goodness I am sorry for myself.

No wonder. That's heartbreaking. And unfair. Your DC sound great and thats really good making lots of plans. Its understandable the breakup would bring the grief to the surface again. Take each day as it comes just now, allow yourself to feel sad and angry with the world. Reach out to friends and family if you can. Keep planning lots with your children to have some fun and happy times. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks I’m reaching out. Except to him. I’m trying to do all the right things to feel better, eventually.

You can feel sorry for yourself sometimes.
Life can have this habit of being spectacularly cruel and unfair.

I’m so sorry tunnocks. I remember your posts when your husband was very ill and I just wanted to send my love to you.

Thank you, both.

I’d like my fairytale happy ending now please! Wouldn’t we all.

@hippohector

I think that was a very insightful, brave and unselfish thing to do op. You sound very self aware. Sending you

I agree Be kind to yourself

Oh love that sounds so hard x

But if it’s not the right thing then it’s not the right thing.

Take time to be kind to yourself x

Thank you. I keep crying. It’s ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous. Grief is a funny thing xxx allow yourself the grieving and sadness. It’s ok. It will be ok. And somehow you will keep going x

Yes. It’s seven years since we got the terminal diagnosis and yet here I am.

It would be nice to spend more of my life feeling good though!

I'm so sorry you are going through this - grief is such a dreadful thing. It's like a double bereavement for you still grieving your husband and now losing your friend -