Please tell me I was right...

[tunnocksreturns2019]

...not to settle.

I knew he wasn’t right for me for numerous reasons though a lovely guy; so I told him to go meet someone else who he could have a proper relationship with.

So he did. And now I’m gutted.

I knew it wouldn’t work, but feeling so alone. I know I did the right thing by him.

Really I just miss my late husband and I want him back. It wasn’t that the new guy didn’t live up to DH, by the way - too big an age gap and too big a difference in life outlook.

I know ‘just friends’ won’t work so I’ve lost a significant friendship from the last 3.5 years too.

Oh well. Off to hug my lovely DC. My heart hearts. My grief for DH is right back at the surface.

I remember you Tunnock and your story. Your and your lovely husband were so brave together during a terrible time.

You are right to end this relationship of it doesn’t feel right.

But you’ve proved a very important point - you are not against relationships forever, you are open to someone new. That is a very big thing, so be proud of where you have got to, your husband would be proud of you to.

Keep on keeping on, lovely lady.

@tunnocksreturns2019 I don't have any wise words but I really wanted to give you a virtual hug and I hope you get your happy ending

There’s no time limit on grief. Sometimes it seems to come in weird cycles where you suddenly get floored for no apparent reason.

You have done the right and kind thing to distance yourself. Feel the feelings, don’t beat yourself up for reacting normally and healthily to things that are sad. This will get better.

I very much hope the right lovely person is just around the corner, thinking the same things.

Thank you. I’m going to see my mum later. I’m not sure I’ll manage not to hug her.

Just give your mum a great big squeeze op. You need it.

Thanks

Didn’t go see my mum after all. Couldn’t face the drive after being out until 3pm already with the kids plus vet trip with the cat (just boosters thankfully!).

I’ve cried loads. I really want to contact him but I haven’t.

Thinking I’ve got this wrong after all. That settling’s better than being alone.

Give yourself time. Listen to what you really feel - loneliness or the void of HIM. If it’s him you miss then you have your answer.

But, and this is just a but, is it so wrong to have him in your life without him being your forever guy?

Could you not have a middle ground, and enjoy the now?

Thanks for your kindness.

Now that he’s met someone I think I need to give them space.

I eventually knew I wouldn’t be happy with him long term so after several years of friendship-semi relationship on and off I needed to let him go find someone. I wanted to keep him, sure, but not for a full-on relationship.

The DC don’t know we were ever more than friends, which is great.

Then I hope you can become friends again x

Maybe one day.

Can you call your mum instead?

She came in the end as I was in a bit of a state. It’s lots of things I’m crying about, not just this one man.

Oh love

I’ve worked all through lockdown, more hours than usual, with kids here at home all the time. It’s been brutal having no support. So I’m pretty run down anyway. This is the straw that broke the camel’s back perhaps.

But I’m about to take a years’ sabbatical.

I remember your thread, tunnocks, and posted under another name.

It's a brave thing to do, to let someone go when you feel it isn't right for you. Many people do settle.

I'm here to handhold, and I suspect many others will be. It's good that you have your mum.

Thank you

My mum’s gone home now but I’ll get the kids to bed, try to eat something and go to bed myself I think.

On the plus side DS’s new secondary school uniform arrived and it all fits. Let’s hope covid allows school attendance

I have nothing useful to add other than a big hug you sound wonderful x

Bless you.

I am so sad 😭

I just managed to eat so that’s good

Still feeling terrible. Just getting ready to go away for weekend to my sister in laws

You can change your mind if you're not sure you've made the right decision. It's ok to say you think you got it wrong. 🙂

Maybe see how you feel after the weekend?

Ah Tunnocks I remember you and the little tea cakes. Don't settle - you are right. Sending love to you.

Horsemad I really can’t. He’s started seeing someone else having waited for me for three years! I must leave them to it.

Thanks looby. I’m still worried that my only choice is to settle or be alone, which I find hard, having had such a lovely marriage.

But I know I’m bringing up the kids well on my own, and I’m enough by myself really. Just lonely. But that’s not w good enough reason to give up hope I’ll meet someone right.

Hmm, that's complicated. You can still be friends though @Tunnocksreturns2019. 🙂

It doesn't have to be an intense friendship, just somebody in your corner when you need someone and maybe his new partner will become a friend too?

I think you are right to do what you've done, I'm just saying don't cut down your friendships.

It's bound to be difficult for you; having had such a happy marriage, any prospective new partner has a lot to live up to.