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Original poster

Adult dc who live at home contributing financially?

114 replies

Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 20:28

If you have adult dc that live at home do they contribute financially?
Dh and I have always disagreed about this (I’ve always said no) but I’m tempted to ask for a contribution towards food at least.

This is following my Dd (21) reminding me that I owe her money for some bits she picked up for dinner a few weeks ago (under £20) I would usually have given her the money but it slipped my mind.
When she said about it tonight I did laugh! I asked why the food shopping was my task?(DH is just as bad on this bit, I think they think the food just appears. He cooks so I don’t mind). She has never been asked to pay a penny towards food or bills. She only has to pay for her phone and car. She works.

I did give it to her btw but it’s got me thinking!

OP posts:
GlindaTheGood · 31/07/2020 20:37

My mum never took money off us but we always contributed by doing a food shop or paying for the Friday take away. I think asking for 20 quid back repeatedly is rude...

Original poster
Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 20:39

This is the thing, in my family we didn’t contribute if we stayed in education but did if we worked. In dh family he contributed regardless.

OP posts:
Bmidreams · 31/07/2020 20:40

I think you should take money and if you don't need it, save it for her for a deposit.

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Feralkidsatthecampsite · 31/07/2020 20:42

I charged ds 10%of his wage. He saved 10 % and bought a house at 25. He worked shifts and didn't see him much!!

Rosieposy4 · 31/07/2020 20:43

Amongst my friends ( all with well paid professional jobs if relevant) they have all charged their working post uni adult dc if they have lived at home. I agree with them and would like to do the same if it occurred though I think DH might object.
I think your dd had a cheek asking you for the £20 and maybe it’s worth a chat about that at least

Redraptor · 31/07/2020 20:43

My parents charged board and I really resented it. My in laws didnt and my dh was able to save up 20k when we were moving in together, I'd saved 4k and it had been hard for me. That being said I paid my board and I'd often pick up food shopping and takeaways etc and never thought anything of it. I'd never have asked for the 20 back

LizzieBennett70 · 31/07/2020 20:46

We've got our youngest DD (21) still at home, and she pays £100 a month to us on the condition that she puts the same amount into a savings account. Her BF also lives here since lockdown and we do the same with him .

We can afford to keep them, therefore we do, but they need to contribute and to learn to save. They're good kids and we're very proud of them both. They also share chores like hoovering, and emptying/loading the dishwasher, walking the dogs etc.

areyoubeingserviced · 31/07/2020 20:48

I actually think that she was cheeky asking for the £20 back. I would be tempted to start asking her to pay something towards food.
It’s not about the money, it’s just that she sounds ungrateful and needs to realise that when she ventures into the big wide world she need to pay for things.

Rosieposy4 · 31/07/2020 20:49

Why did you resent contributing to your living costs as an adult @Redraptor ?
Do you think someone else should always pick up the tab?

Deadringer · 31/07/2020 20:50

My mum charged board, she was a widow and needed the money and i didn't resent it at all. My adult son lives at home and pays board, he is saving to buy his own place but is happy to pay as he knows he is getting a good deal.

Remona · 31/07/2020 20:51

As soon as I started work I had to pay board, as did my brothers.

When my son started work then he had to pay board too. £150 a month. He was still saving loads of money every month too so it wasn’t as though paying board was leaving him penniless!

Of course they should contribute in some way once they’re earning. How much depends on your own circumstances.

Awkwarddough · 31/07/2020 20:52

When I lived at home and was working full time I paid half the shopping bill (just me and my dad). But I was 21ish. My BiL still lives at home (25) and I think he pays about £250pm. He works full time, unless you charge some rent then you’re not setting them up for the real world. I don’t think my BiL pays enough money and I think it’s allowing him to be too comfortable and have too much expendable cash meaning he is reluctant to leave and it’s causing tension between my in-laws 😕

chocchipbrioche · 31/07/2020 20:53

My 2 brothers and I lived at home with my parents through our 20's. Our parents charged us rent but my mum did everything for us, laundry, cooking, ironing and food shopping. I don't think it's unreasonable to charge working adults to pay rent in the family home. I would also pay for a take away every now and then or all of us would chip in. Also if we wanted any speciality food items that weren't in my parents budget we bought our own, the same with expensive toiletries.
It's expensive living in London so I knew that I was lucky being able to live at home and pay a bit towards rent and household things the alternative being paying most of my paycheque in rent for a tiny box size flat.
I think your daughter should be contributing as she's using your hot water, electricity, heating etc and eating your food.

Original poster
Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 20:53

@areyoubeingserviced

I actually think that she was cheeky asking for the £20 back. I would be tempted to start asking her to pay something towards food. It’s not about the money, it’s just that she sounds ungrateful and needs to realise that when she ventures into the big wide world she need to pay for things.
It’s shocked me because I’ve never thought of her as being ungrateful but you are right.

@Redraptor why did you resent it?

@Bmidreams that’s a good idea.

OP posts:
Iwalkinmyclothing · 31/07/2020 20:53

My parents wouldn't take rent but we bought food and wine (very important, the wine). I wouldn't want to take rent from the DC unless I needed to, but if they were in paid employment I'd expect at least a contribution to groceries.

Floralnomad · 31/07/2020 20:54

We don’t , my parents didn’t , dh paid from when he got his apprenticeship at 16 In our case our outgoings would be no different if ds was here or not , he buys dinner for us all sometimes , is pleasant to live with and importantly is a saver not a squanderer .

Berthatydfil · 31/07/2020 20:54

I think she is taking the piss.
If you were on any kind on benefits her income would be considered as contributing to the household as a non dependant adult and any benefits paid to you would be reduced.
She eats food you buy, uses hot water etc and (technicality) you have a bigger house than you need so yes she should at least contribute to the household.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2020 20:54

My 20 year old daughter lives at home, and we have never asked for money, but she has been contributing on her own since she was 18. She will buy food, household necessities, etc, without us asking. She also does all of her own laundry, room cleaning, and helping clean the house. She pays for her car insurance, gas, and repairs, too. She's very responsible and a lovely young lady.

Original poster
Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 20:55

My biggest worry is that she may decide to go and live with her father.

OP posts:
TheCanyon · 31/07/2020 20:55

My parents didn't ask us for money, but we did buy grocries for everyone, topped up the very expensive electric meter and we cooked, cleaned, fed/walked the pets and had all the coal fires going after school from 10ish. The bottomless pit brothers likely cost a lot in food but the three of us ran the house really while they slogged their guts for us.

My parents have gave me much more than I can ever give them, not a fucking chance I would even ask 55p for a loaf

I would've told her to piss off

Floralnomad · 31/07/2020 20:56

I really don’t see how taking money off them and then saving it for them teaches them anything , by the age that they are working they should know how to budget and how to save .

Aquamarine1029 · 31/07/2020 20:56

My biggest worry is that she may decide to go and live with her father.

Why is that a worry? She's 21, not 12!

Rosieposy4 · 31/07/2020 20:57

@Floralnomad
How are your outgoings the same, does your dc not eat or use electricity.

Standrewsschool · 31/07/2020 20:58

If dc are still in education, then I wouldn’t expect them to pay.

However, dc 2 has just got a job and will be living at home. Dc 1 moved away for work and we helped with rent from a September to Christmas. I expect we’ll let of dc2 paying a contribution also, to enable him to buy a car etc. However, after Christmas, he’ll have to oay a contribution.

Ironically, dc1 has been home during the duration, but I’m not charging him as he is still paying rent in his home.

Original poster
Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 20:58

Dd does help out around the house with out me asking although it’s not as regular as I would like.

I can afford for her not to contribute but it’s the fact that she is now an adult and should at least offer.

OP posts: