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Original poster

Adult dc who live at home contributing financially?

114 replies

Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 20:28

If you have adult dc that live at home do they contribute financially?
Dh and I have always disagreed about this (I’ve always said no) but I’m tempted to ask for a contribution towards food at least.

This is following my Dd (21) reminding me that I owe her money for some bits she picked up for dinner a few weeks ago (under £20) I would usually have given her the money but it slipped my mind.
When she said about it tonight I did laugh! I asked why the food shopping was my task?(DH is just as bad on this bit, I think they think the food just appears. He cooks so I don’t mind). She has never been asked to pay a penny towards food or bills. She only has to pay for her phone and car. She works.

I did give it to her btw but it’s got me thinking!

OP posts:
uglyface · 31/07/2020 20:58

In our household those in full time education were given everything that they needed at no cost. Once working, a percentage of salary was taken as ‘board’, put in a savings account and given back once that person was ready to buy a property.

Catiopea · 31/07/2020 21:01

Mine is 21, games a lot so is solely responsible for the wifi bill as ‘needs’ a costly plan, gets takeaway turn about & saves the rest.

I think its good to pay something & I’m currently making a spreadsheet (thanks MNers for that tip!) so we’re all aware of expenditure, what can be saved on etc.

It will be less of a shock for DC when they move out if they have had some experience of bill paying, or at least a bit of knowledge of the household budget.

GlmPmum · 31/07/2020 21:04

I always paid £60 month from when I first started working, through uni and up until I qualified as a nurse. Then I paid £250 a month, the odd weekly shop and tea out until I moved out at 26.

My younger brother never paid a penny and even had his driving lessons paid for, felt very unfair at the time.

Looking back I'm glad I paid board even if it was a small amount, it gave me some responsibility and was nice when I could treat my parents when earning more.

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MarkRuffaloCrumble · 31/07/2020 21:04

DS has been working for a couple of years now on a zero hours contract, so busier at some points than others.

When he’s earning well he contributes £200 a month, and when he isn’t working as many hours he doesn’t pay, or just gets a few bits in for me from the shop when he’s buying his lunch for the week.

At the start of lockdown he would do the shopping as I couldn’t face going to a supermarket, which was worth a lot! And wouldn’t ask me for the money back.

As a single mum on a low income, just having him leave college and start work meant I lost tax credits and started paying more for council tax as I was previously getting a single adult discount, so he owes me!

Floralnomad · 31/07/2020 21:04

@Rosieposy4 , the amount of extra that would be spent catering for him in normal times when he’s out a lot would be offset by him buying a couple of Nando’s or taking us all out to dinner a couple of times a month ( which pre covid was the norm) and no I don’t think he uses enough electric to bother me . He shares a bedroom with the dog so I would be having it heated or having a fan on for him anyway . When he has moved out for a couple of months in the past ( to my mums for work purposes) our bills really are not significantly affected .

Twospaniels · 31/07/2020 21:05

My girls are early twenties and they have contributed since they started working full time. They paid £20/week all in each.

They have just moved out into a flat they are sharing and have both said they can’t believe how little they paid me for their board now that they are paying in the ‘real world’.

So yes, I think your daughter should be paying something if she is earning, even if it’s only a takeaway for the family once in a while, or a supermarket shop on occasion.

borisjohnsonsstylist · 31/07/2020 21:08

I always paid a nominal amount of "keep" as my mother called it. When I decided to go travelling for a year in my early twenties she gave it all back to me, she'd never spent a penny of it and had been saving it for me until I needed it.

amylou8 · 31/07/2020 21:09

Yes! Mine are 18 and 20, both work full time. They pay £200 a month each, which is for rent, food, bills etc. We rent a 3 bed which I couldn't afford to do on my wages alone. I don't make 'profit' out if them, but now they're out of education I expect them to pay their way. As and when they leave home I'll downsize.

GrumpyHoonMain · 31/07/2020 21:10

I’m Indian origin so it was expected thwt moment we were earning we became responsible for the major bills.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/07/2020 21:18

Once they’d graduated and were earning, my dds paid roughly half of what they’d have had to pay for a flat share locally - I mean just the rent, no food or bills.
I honestly don’t think it does them any favours to let them live rent free - it will come as that much more of a shock when they do eventually move out and find out what a roof over your head, food, heating and endless hot water, actually cost.

We didn’t specifically save the money for them, but did help some years later with house purchases.

strawberrymilkshakemonkey · 31/07/2020 21:19

honestly I think it is absolutely insane that parents let their adult, often working full time, children live at home for free. they should pay the going rate for rent in the area (if the parents don't need it, they should save it towards their kids' deposit). it's notthing more than freeloading.

i know a 27 year old and a 31 year old (sisters) who still live at home and pay zero rent, one of them even has her boyfriend living there. they told me that 'we would move out, but it would mean we couldn't go on three foreign holidays per year!' madness.

i know it might feel uncomfortable to charge your children rent, but by not doing so you're preventing them from becoming indepndent adults, and it is the parents' resonsiblity to help their kids become independent and eventually fly the nest.

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 31/07/2020 21:20

@amylou8

Yes! Mine are 18 and 20, both work full time. They pay £200 a month each, which is for rent, food, bills etc. We rent a 3 bed which I couldn't afford to do on my wages alone. I don't make 'profit' out if them, but now they're out of education I expect them to pay their way. As and when they leave home I'll downsize.

Same here 👍🏻

VWCaliAdventurer · 31/07/2020 21:21

My mum charged board after I'd been working for 3 months. It wasn't until I started looking to buy a house that she told me she'd saved it all for me as a deposit for my first home.

katy1213 · 31/07/2020 21:24

You've raised a CF and a mean-spirited one at that!

toohotz · 31/07/2020 21:25

My parents charged board and I really resented it.

I find it odd that people would resent it. Were you charged the market rate? Did your parents need the money?

Meruem · 31/07/2020 21:25

I got around all this by them buying and preparing their own food. I don’t have a partner and some nights I might have cheese on toast or a bowl of cereal. Or maybe I wanted to go for a drink after work. I didn’t need or want the responsibility of having to provide a main meal every night for grown adults.DD and DS like different meals anyway so they were happy to do their own. Occasionally I will make something for us all but that’s generally something like a roast which is a meal for more than one person, and it’s not often. They’ve done all their own washing etc for a long time too. It works well for us.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 31/07/2020 21:27

DD is 22 and works full time (only since March). We split bills down the middle, she buys her own food as we eat different things and she does most of the housework (her choice entirely). I haven't really thought about it but it seems logical and she thinks it's fair.

Supersimkin2 · 31/07/2020 21:29

DM & DF charged me £100 a week for b'n'b, without the breakfast cos I never eat it. I was never there and couldn't bring a friend round, etc.

They referred to this as 'expenses only'.

RoseTintedAtuin · 31/07/2020 21:30

If we worked we paid. If we did it (studies or between jobs) we didn’t. The family house should be a safety net but make it too comfortable and they will never learn the value of money or leave

brastrapbroken · 31/07/2020 21:31

@Yankathebear

My biggest worry is that she may decide to go and live with her father.

I would be worried about that too. At her age if she moves out it should be independently, not with another parent.

I don't charge mine board, but she saves a good amount each month which is towards moving out, run's her own car and pays her own phone bill. She rarely eats at home anyway.

Northernsoullover · 31/07/2020 21:32

I'll be charging rent too. I rent a 3 bed house. I only need a one bed when they leave home so its only fair they chip in when they work.

CaptainCarp · 31/07/2020 21:39

My parents "charged" us 10% of our wages once we were in full time employment but even when I was working part time I'd buy bread /milk or even do a small shop. I also paid half of my car (shared with sibling) & my phone.

I still managed to save £4K within 2years of working full time & then spent it all travelling.
I think it actually set me up well. It wasn't hidden that I cost my parents money to live with them but I still had a good chance to save.

jessstan2 · 31/07/2020 21:58

@Yankathebear

My biggest worry is that she may decide to go and live with her father.
Why worry about that? She's 21, she'll be leaving you sooner or later.

If she is in full time education or on an apprenticeship I wouldn't charge. If she's working full time, maybe a small contribution towards bills.

She was cheeky asking for the shopping money if she is earning.

jessstan2 · 31/07/2020 22:00

@Supersimkin2

DM & DF charged me £100 a week for b'n'b, without the breakfast cos I never eat it. I was never there and couldn't bring a friend round, etc.

They referred to this as 'expenses only'.

That's a lot of money to charge your child even if they do eat at home. Home isn't a 'guest house', it's home for goodness sake.
michealsmum1998 · 31/07/2020 22:08

I charge my son about 25% of his wages. The same as my parents did