Adult dc who live at home contributing financially?

[Yankathebear]

If you have adult dc that live at home do they contribute financially?
Dh and I have always disagreed about this (I’ve always said no) but I’m tempted to ask for a contribution towards food at least.

This is following my Dd (21) reminding me that I owe her money for some bits she picked up for dinner a few weeks ago (under £20) I would usually have given her the money but it slipped my mind.
When she said about it tonight I did laugh! I asked why the food shopping was my task?(DH is just as bad on this bit, I think they think the food just appears. He cooks so I don’t mind). She has never been asked to pay a penny towards food or bills. She only has to pay for her phone and car. She works.

I did give it to her btw but it’s got me thinking!

@brastrapbroken

Mine managed to become independent adults just fine. I understand where money is tight and benefits reduced, it might be necessary to ask for contributions. I don’t understand how making the first steps into adulthood harder is in their best interest though. Surely parents want to smooth their children’s path, not trip them up.

God this. 100% this.

I always laugh a bit at the posters who suggest charging their kids board and saving it for them when they move out as some sort of step towards independence. True independence would be saving it themselves.

You're assuming they didn't save. My daughters were big savers. But all the same, I felt that they needed to recognise that a roof over their head and board, is actually a financial commitment. And also I didn't want to be taken for granted.

If they'd not saved for themselves, I might not have been in such a hurry to pass what I'd saved for them. My daughter managed to save her own deposit, but me adding the extra meant that she was able to keep some back to make some improvements to the house.

Both my kids were really appreciative of the return of their 'rent' and even tried to persuade me to keep it in case I needed it. So I think I did an okay job with them.

My sons are both at university and I don't charge them. I don't think I would if they moved back here for a while when they start work, either.

But I would expect them to save their own money for their own futures. I too find the idea of charging them, but saving it for them, infantilising. I have been teaching them to manage their money (by having their own) since they had £4 a month pocket money when they were in reception.

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I paid 'keep' to my parents. My youngest just graduated and works part time-she plans to travel then apply to get a grad job.
She had a part time job through 6th form and uni and now works more hours.
I don't charge as she's saved up for a car and her travelling which is good as a student I think.
There is no comparison between years ago and now. Students have student debt, jobs are scare, car insurance is extortionate.
We can afford our own bills and don't need help from someone just starting out. We didn't charge my eldest who also saved up and now owns a house at 23 and is in a graduate job.
Charging rent does not equate to teaching anything.

You're assuming they didn't save. My daughters were big savers.

Not assuming they didn't save. I was talking about the non savers, not your daughters.

I paid £150 a month board to my parents from the minute I started working.

I had no idea, but when I put an offer in on my first house they gave it all back to me to put towards my deposit.

I hope to be able to do the same for my own children one day.

If she works a full time job she should be contributing something.

My eldest is 21 and has just finished uni. She is soon starting on a grad scheme which means she will be training for 26 weeks - and that's residential. Home at weekends

So she has been told that she doesn't need to pay during this time, and once completed and working and living back at home, I will expect £250 a month to cover everything. She will be on a very good starting salary of 28K.

She's delighted with this amount (ha of course!) and happy to pay it. What I've not told her is that we will put it to one side as we don't need it .. when she properly moves out, we will give it back to her

In your case OP, I would be sitting down with your DD and asking for a contribution and base this on her take home salary. You do her no favours by not doing this

Benefits now they have changed are individual and therefore if a parent is on benefit and so is a child neither impacts the other as every individual is entitled to claim in their own right now.

If the parents are claiming Housing Benefit or the housing part of Universal Credit, there'll be a "non-dependent deduction" if an adult son or daughter is living in the house.

I never paid rent to my parents. Offered them money but they turned it down.
I'd buy takeaways and treat them to stuff throughout the year though (perfume, aftershave, magazines, books..)

Wouldn't charge my DD rent either.

I just don't think it's necessary unless you really can't cope without their contribution.
I can't understand how taking money from the kids, just to give it back to them, teaches them about budgeting or saving either. Surely allowing them the opportunity to actually save it themselves is a better idea?

@Yankathebear

My biggest worry is that she may decide to go and live with her father.

So subconsciously you're letting her hold you to ransom. You need to sit down with her, point out how much it costs to run the household and ask her how much she's going to contribute from now on. If she refuses and threatens to move in with her father, then she's not the daughter you think she is.

i do charge my DD and see nothing wrong with it, it doesn't cover her costs but it's a gesture towards food and electric etc. she has a great deal here, she would pay a lot more (and has done when she was away) for similar elsewhere. she doesn't complain. if you can afford to keep them without a contribution then save what they give you and gift it back to them when it's needed.

I paid when I lived at home for a while in my mid-twenties. It seemed wrong not to - I only earned £8000 a year less than my father (my mother didn't work). We were all adults, why wouldn't I pay my way?

I think it depends on the situation. Home from university in the holidays - no, earning a full time wage - yes.

Generally though, they are adults, why do they get to live with with their parents with next to no expenses if they are earning money? When does that end?

Helping them get on their own two feet at first is okay but if you have a 27 year old living at home who doesn't pay rent (excluding any disability issues etc), then everyone needs a kick up the backside.