Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

One boy/ One girl obsession- true?

153 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/07/2020 17:24

Disclaimer: ultimately we all want healthy children and love them no matter their sex

But
Currently pregnant with DD2 and the check out lady at Sainsbury’s today was chatting to me, asked me what I was having, whether I have a boy or girl already etc. when I said I was having another girl she tilted her head to the side, pursed her lips together and said “aww (tut) well that’s ok (shrug)”.....Hmm

Does everyone want one of each, a boy and a girl? Honestly if I could have decided I would have wanted two girls (not that I wouldn’t love a boy- see the disclaimer).
So just a random poll, if you could pick the number of children and their sex what would you pick?

OP posts:
NotNowPlzz · 30/07/2020 14:09

I want four DD.

Rubychard · 30/07/2020 14:10

I've only had this from my mum. Obsessed with girls. I have 2 boys, and boys run in the family. When pregnant for the second time, she went around telling all her friends / family that I really wanted a girl and was only saying otherwise so I wouldn't be disappointed. Complete lies.

My mum has always thought she could say to me whatever she wanted, whether it was appropriate or not. After a showdown on the this subject, words were had by my dad, who told her that this behaviour had to stop. As a consequence, her behaviour has improved, and we do generally get in a lot better.

So maybe something good came out of it.

OxenoftheSun · 30/07/2020 14:17

I've only had this from my mum. Obsessed with girls.

Mine too, and my MIL and both SiLs, all of whom assumed that when I had DS (whom I knew would be my only child) I was desperately disappointed but stubbornly refusing to say so, when in fact I'd had no preference at all. In all four cases, it is down to some deeply ingrained, unthinking and reactionary ideas about gender, and mother/daughter relationships involving whispered confidences, gossip, spa days and shopping, from which I am forever shut out, according to their view.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
thecatsthecats · 30/07/2020 14:25

I think if anyone has mild natural preferences they should be taken as just that - a mild preference.

The people who go nuts with overbearing expectations will find another way to express their nuttiness if not through gender, and those whose preference is just that will get over it without much issue.

Deadringer · 30/07/2020 14:31

I didn't mind what i had, but if i had to choose, i probably would have chosen a girl for my first. I had one of each, and yes it was commented on that i had the 'perfect family', then i went on to have 3 more girls. Smile

FTMF30 · 30/07/2020 14:37

I have a boy and would like my next to be a girl purely for the selfish reason that I think girls grow up to be closer to their mums than boys. I also love my DS si much that I worry another boy would be compared and I wouldn't be able to love him (fictional DS2) as much.

However, I think 2 boys would be nice as I assume they would have a closer bond.

sunrainwind · 30/07/2020 14:42

I'm one of two sisters so my (very small) preference was for two girls and that's what I have. I have no doubt I'd be equally delighted with two boys or one of each though!

Zippetydoodahzippetyay · 30/07/2020 15:35

I didn't mind if I had boys or girls and obviously didn't really mind what mix I got, but hoped for 3 of the same. And have had 3 girls 🙂

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/07/2020 15:38

Well I had the same reaction today when someone asked me what I was having....I think I’m going to say “we don’t know” from now on, followed by “I hope it’s a girl” in case I see them again!

OP posts:
IHeartSusanDey · 30/07/2020 15:39

I have two of each - two girls and two boys. I didn't mind really at all what I had. I'm one of six girls and I must admit I love my sisters and being part of a group of girls so sometimes I fantasise what it would have been like to have had all girls. But really I wouldn't change it...I absolutely love having a mix.

PotatoHead2020 · 30/07/2020 17:53

A gyne consultant once said to me 'wow so you have one of each? How did you do it?'

I honestly didn't know how to respond 😂

kezziethecat · 30/07/2020 17:56

Not true for me. I actually do have one of each but was absolutely convinced my second was another boy and was very happy about it as imagined two little boys being friends. Obviously very happy to have a girl now as well though. I think the public always make comments about it as conversation, I have a lot saying you have one of each now so don't need any more. I only ever wanted two so it actually makes no difference.

CorianderLord · 30/07/2020 18:07

I want two boys and a girl. If not yes one of each. Don't much mind two of either though. So long as I get at least one of anything!

Hovverry · 30/07/2020 19:44

I think a girl needs a sister and a boy needs a brother, so two of each is good. Three of each if you’re rich.

20viona · 30/07/2020 19:52

Iv got a daughter and I would love another girl rather than a boy OBVIOUSLY would be delighted with either though.

Justajot · 31/07/2020 00:31

@PotatoHead2020

A gyne consultant once said to me 'wow so you have one of each? How did you do it?'

I honestly didn't know how to respond 😂

A gyne consultant said to me "two girls, at least you won't need to pay private school fees".

I thought that was really odd. Confused

OverTheRainbow88 · 31/07/2020 07:25

A gyne consultant said to me "two girls, at least you won't need to pay private school fees

Wtf- I don’t often complain but I would have in this case.

The community MW who visited me the day after I came out of hospital saw I had 2 the same and asked if I had gender disappointment.

Chicci1 · 31/07/2020 08:32

I have one of each and regularly have people congratulating me on it and saying well done. It is truly bizarre!
Having said that, I was delighted that dc2 was a boy having had a girl first. I have one sister with whom I’m not close at all. It makes me sad and I was afraid of repeating that dynamic. I do like the balance between a boy and a girl. My daughter would be very girly and I think my son has brought out the more physical side of her which is a good thing. Equally he is growing up surrounded by dolls and I think that brings a nice balance to him too.

Heatherjayne1972 · 31/07/2020 08:49

I used to work with someone who was very proud of himself because he’d ‘done it right’ by having two children. A boy first then a girl

Mind you he also thought it was a waste of time and money educating girls because ‘they’ll only give up work When they have babies - so what’s the point’

thecatsthecats · 31/07/2020 09:37

I used to work with someone who was very proud of himself because he’d ‘done it right’ by having two children. A boy first then a girl.

My family are predisposed to non-identical twins. Three generations of girl-boy twins. You'd think we'd performed magic tricks.

Mind you, I can't deny I'd like a piece of that action... cookie cutter family in one pregnancy. (I like to tease my sister about that!)

VanillaFrais · 31/07/2020 09:59

My in-laws are like this. They believe anyone who has two (or more) of the same sex are bitterly disappointed by not having one of each. My first dc was a girl and when I got pregnant with my second they basically told me I was lying when I said I didn't care what sex the second child was. We accidentally found out the sex of the baby at our 20 week scan (boy) and my dh teased my in-laws by telling them that we were having another girl. Neither congratulated us, my FIL rolled his eyes and said "typical...another girl" and my MIL cried because it wasn't a boy and "well...at least the baby is healthy". And then as soon as he told them actually we were having a boy they started hugging and congratulating us. I will never forgive them for this and wonder how they would have treated my ds had he been a girl after all.

I have also had so many people telling me that at least I don't have to have any more children now because I've got one of each. People telling me I have the perfect family. People telling me how lucky I am to have one of each etc etc. In reality, I couldn't have cared less what sex my dc were.

lborgia · 31/07/2020 11:01

I was pretty old before it occurred to me that I might not have one of each, as all cousins etc.were mixed.

I was also convinced that I could only parent a girl. I had 2 boys, and honestly, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking, they're awesome.

I do know, though, that any preconceived ideas need to be stomped on. Girls can loathe each other, boys can get into terrible bullying situations. Brothers and sisters can be as close as possible, or oblivious to each other. The minute I had my first child I realised I didn't have a boy, I had a human. Thank goodness.

Redraptor · 31/07/2020 11:07

I always wanted two the same. Didnt matter which until I had dd and then I just couldnt see myself with a boy. I got my two dds but mil still thinks we should have gone again and tried for a boy. If I'd had another pregnancy I'd have wanted another girl

BertieBotts · 31/07/2020 15:49

Honestly I'm quite happily surprised to see so many saying two the same would be their ideal! I always got the impression I was weird for thinking that!

Also yes I never really pictured DS2 being a boy but he is so lovely I couldn't imagine him any other way now.

isabellerossignol · 31/07/2020 16:08

Many years ago I was expecting my second child and posted here on Mumsnet about how I had a daughter and couldn't quite imagine having a son (we didn't find out in advance of the birth so at that stage it was just mulling it over) and my daughter was adamant she only wanted a sister and I was wondering if anyone could identify with it. Such a roasting I got! Worst mother ever, genitalia obsessed, self obsessed, weirdo, and a whole lot more besides. I had to name change afterwards Grin Turned out that he was a boy, but sure as soon as I set eyes on him none of that mattered. But I didn't know that it would all be ok until it was.