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Original poster

One boy/ One girl obsession- true?

153 replies

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/07/2020 17:24

Disclaimer: ultimately we all want healthy children and love them no matter their sex

But
Currently pregnant with DD2 and the check out lady at Sainsbury’s today was chatting to me, asked me what I was having, whether I have a boy or girl already etc. when I said I was having another girl she tilted her head to the side, pursed her lips together and said “aww (tut) well that’s ok (shrug)”.....Hmm

Does everyone want one of each, a boy and a girl? Honestly if I could have decided I would have wanted two girls (not that I wouldn’t love a boy- see the disclaimer).
So just a random poll, if you could pick the number of children and their sex what would you pick?

OP posts:
Onekidnoclue · 28/07/2020 20:57

@BertieBotts

I think it's quite natural for women to slightly lean towards preferring a girl and men to slightly lean towards preferring a boy, and I am usually really anti gender stereotyping, but having a child is a sort of "mini me" thing, and it's much easier to imagine your future child as a literal mini you, no matter how inaccurate this is - one of the opposite gender feels much more unfamiliar.
This is funny to me as I definitely do not want to clone myself! I wanted a mini version of DH.
Quirrelsotherface · 28/07/2020 21:03

I think it's a total myth. Maybe it's nice for the parents to have one of each but I have 3 the same and they are absolutely each others everything. I had a brother and although I love him dearly I know I'd have been closer to a sister.

BertieBotts · 28/07/2020 21:13

I don't mean as a clone of yourself - more being able to relate to a girl because you have been a girl, whereas men might feel more able to relate to a boy because of having been a boy.

Especially if you had no opposite-sex siblings or an opposite-sex sibling you found really hard to relate to.

DS2 is completely a mini version of DH whereas DS1 is so much like me, it's funny.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
dotdashdashdash · 28/07/2020 21:19

I didn't care what DC1 was, but I sort of wanted DC2 to be the same for the benefit of them both. I think 2 brothers or 2 sisters would be closer than 1 of each. We got 1 of each.

SugarHour · 28/07/2020 21:22

I know what you mean @BertieBotts. I think it's also because people have stereotypical views on what people of each gender are interested in (and they and their partner reflect this, eg she is into clothes/makeup/shopping and he's into football/gaming, and they both believe men and women are very different) so they assume a. a child of the same sex will like the same stuff as them and b. a child of the opposite sex won't. And there's probably some truth in that because the children will be raised in a sex-stereotyped environment.

DipSwimSwoosh · 28/07/2020 21:33

Before I had kids I might have picked GBGB.
Now I have BGG and they are perfect because they are mine.
All I ever wanted was a big family. I really didn't mind about boys or girls.

whojamaflip · 28/07/2020 21:36

I only ever wanted boys and when I found out at my 20 wk scan I was having a girl I sobbed all the way home in the car Blush glad I found out before the birth as it gave me time to prepare. now wouldn't change her for the world!!!

Ended up with 2 of each (B,G,B,G) and it's true that they tend to pair up in their genders but all 4 are really close.

My FIL tells the story of a local farmer who wanted a son to carry on with the farm - after 11 daughters he finally got his boy..........but by then the farm had been sold!

elvislives2012 · 28/07/2020 21:36

I'd always (secretly) wanted a girl then when I did I really wanted our second to be a girl which she was. I love having two the same. I don't know why. Just how I felt

Of course I'd be happy if they'd been boys too!

Original poster
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 28/07/2020 21:40

I think it’s reasonable/ understandable for people to have a preference, the thing that boggles me is the idea that we all have the same preference, clearly we don’t Grin

OP posts:
EhUp · 28/07/2020 21:41

I have one of each (older DD, younger DS) which I am happy with but from observing my many friends with DC I would say that having 2 x DD is the easiest combo

My DM is obsessed with '1 of each being the perfect family' but honestly in many practical ways I think it would be easier to have 2 the same!

coastergirl · 28/07/2020 21:43

Wanted three boys forever. I've got two boys and unlikely to have anymore. I wouldn't be devastated if I had a girl and I'm sure I'd love her, but I'd prefer boys. Just how I am.

LilaButterfly · 28/07/2020 21:47

I would want one of each, because id like the experience to raise both and since i dont want more than 2 children it would have to be 1 boy 1 girl.

JamesArthursEyelashes · 28/07/2020 21:49

I think it’s reasonable/ understandable for people to have a preference, the thing that boggles me is the idea that we all have the same preference, clearly we don’t

I think it’s a strange thing to have a preference on. To have a preference, it must be because you imagine a girl or boy to be a certain way. If you let them be themselves then they probably won’t be how you imagined so it’s a big pointless to have a preference.

ellenpartridge · 28/07/2020 22:00

I have a daughter and with her my slight preference was for a girl as my sister was having a girl a few months older so thought it would be nice to have two girls together, and also great for hand me downs from her! I also had a favourite girls name I wanted to use.

For a second I have absolutely no preference at all. I don't think I would have had a preference anyway but after having difficulty TTC and a MMC we will feel so lucky if we can have another and definitely won't mind at all about the sex. DH would choose a boy if he could choose.

SallyWD · 28/07/2020 22:19

It shouldn't matter but if I'm brutally honest I quite wanted one of each (which I have). However I would also have been delighted to have 2 boys or 2 girls. It wasn't really a big deal.

Rosebel · 28/07/2020 22:23

I have two daughters and now a son. I was actually a bit concerned when I found out I was having a boy worrying it would be more difficult /different. It's not really but even if we'd had another girl it would have been my last baby.
I love all my children but a lot of people have said "at least you don't need to have anymore now you've had a boy". Just roll eyes and carry on.

sweetkitty · 28/07/2020 22:30

My family are obsessed with it, my mother said only she and my cousin had hit the “jackpot” of the perfect family of one of each. I did answer with “isn’t my Dad clever)? Grin she also used to say that DH would leave me if I couldn’t give him a son (she’s a toxic woman) I’m perfectly happy with my wonderful family of GGGB

Even my brother talks about having a “gentleman’s family”

awhitemouseinthehouse · 28/07/2020 22:49

I actually whispers wanted a boy as my first. And I hoped to have a girl second. I have a brother and we got in great as kids, so I wanted this for us. Sadly now very rarely see each other because my bother turned into a told cock.

My DH is very hands off and there are some things I had hoped DH would do with the kids, but I either do them or they don't get to. This isn't specific to being boys or girls.

I love my boy and my girl.

willowtree81 · 28/07/2020 22:59

Oh I find all this really difficult. I agree with you OP.

Tbh I always wanted a boy. I have 3 girls. (Of course I love them all like crazy) but the comments when we found out our third was a girl were awful. I am not usually affected much by what people think, but I felt like a failure. I hate how insensitive people are in this area. Reminds me of "Don't you want children then?" Comments when people might be struggling to conceive. The fact that none of us have any say in fertility/ sex of baby is pretty obvious but I hate the way people feel they are entitled to comment on something potentially so personal or sensitive. (I know I'm prob over sensitive in this area though.)

MondeoFan · 28/07/2020 23:01

I have 2 DD couldn't be more happy
If I had a 3rd I'd love another DD

isabellerossignol · 28/07/2020 23:11

I have one of each. When I was pregnant with my second, I sort of wanted to have two of the same sex because I thought it would be nicer for them. But as soon as my second child was born and I was told the sex, the feeling evaporated and I couldn't imagine it any other way.

I have several friends who have three daughters and one who has three sons and when their children were younger they were all constantly being told by other people that they must be disappointed. Not one of them had ever indicated that they were disappointed, but other people decided they knew better. So rude.

Andahelterskelterroundmylittle · 29/07/2020 00:43

2 DDs and that was my hope

Mammyloveswine · 29/07/2020 00:45

I always wanted a daughter... I have two boys and wouldn't change them for all the world!

coastergirl · 29/07/2020 00:54

@JamesArthursEyelashes

I think it’s reasonable/ understandable for people to have a preference, the thing that boggles me is the idea that we all have the same preference, clearly we don’t

I think it’s a strange thing to have a preference on. To have a preference, it must be because you imagine a girl or boy to be a certain way. If you let them be themselves then they probably won’t be how you imagined so it’s a big pointless to have a preference.

I don't agree with this. I wanted boys. I have boys. But when my eldest was taken to a "pirates and princesses" event at the library by his childminder and she declared that he would be a pirate, my response was that he could be a princess or a pirate, whatever his preference. I don't expect my boys to be a certain way, or steer them that way. I work with autistic children and as a result have mostly worked with boys. That's what I'm used to and that's my preference. But whether I had boys or girls, I'd raise them the same way. 🤷‍♀️
ChangeOfNameNeeded07 · 29/07/2020 01:14

I have one of each and always feel a bit strange when people tell me how lucky I am. I'm lucky because I have 2 healthy and gorgeous children, not because of what gender they are! Mine are very close and I hope it stays that way in the future.

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