How long do I leave it before telling DS?

[UltimateWednesday]

DS pays a contribution for his keep and also covers the cost of insuring him to drive my car, which he has more or less free use of in the evenings, when I can use the other car.

He's paid fortnightly so we agreed he'd pay £x per fortnight. He seems to have set the standing order up weekly.

Obviously I am going to pay him back but it feels like this is a teaching moment about actually checking your bank account.

I think an important lesson that could be learnt here is that if someone pays you money by mistake you tell them and give it back! So many people these days think if they find money they keep it.

I think you are being ridiculous, most people dont check their account daily, before online banking you would only check your account when you got your bank statement!

I feel like you are almost gleeful about this, its really weird.

If you don't tell him it could be a while before he notices

My much older son recently moved into a new place and filled out a DD but it was never taken out. He didn't realise until he got a bill

He just thought he was better off than he thought and whacked it into savings 😀

What DishRanAway and many other pp have said. Do you honestly want to raise the kind of adult who sits around sniggering when a customer makes a mistake instead of helping them to sort it out? The most important thing we do as parents is to model sound values and good ways of behaving round people. This isn't it. Being sly is not going to help him make friends or have good relationships. Being helpful and honest will.

I think maybe you missed a lesson in your upbringing OP. You need to go back to your parents ask them for a refresher course.

Banks wouldn't tell u, utility companies wouldn't tell u, landlords wouldn't tell u!!

It's a life lesson, wait until he notices and then give him back the lump sum :)

@sunlight81. What if he doesn't ever notice?

@00100001 sounds like a very extreme notion however a nice lump sum at Xmas/birthday/graduation/flat deposit etc would no doubt be very gratefully accepted.

Perhaps. But it would strike me as a bit odd to receive my own money back from my parents at Christmas, because they hadn't bothered to tell me I was accidentally overpaying them.

Tell him, he's made a mistake. Fortnightly payments are not the norm.

I've messaged him and suggested he checks the account with a hint of what the issue is.

Again, OP, sly and sneaky behaviour from you. Don’t withhold, don’t hint, just tell him what the actual problem is. It’s not hard.

Why wouldn’t you just tell him? Very weird to consider delaying and just hint at what the issue is. It’s a mistake and it seems like you’re going to enjoy teaching him a lesson. Weird.

I think its a valuable lesson for him to check his balance to keep an eye on whats going out, the money is safe so cant understand the hysterical accusations, op will either pay it back now or they will come to some agreement for the debt to be paid quicker taking into account what has already been paid. Also a lesson to check when setting up a payment, as pp has pointed out if had been anyone else they may not have ever told him.

Along with other PPs, I also don't understand why you can't just tell him, not everything has to be a learning exercise! If you don't tell him he would be justified in feeling a bit about you not bothering to tell him, when he does finally. realise.

Young man sounds like he doesn't know how to do a standing order I'd tell him straight away for all you know he's paying a friend for an holiday /games consol whatever on the same basis and has made the same mistake and is being taken a ride. Tell him and show him how to avoid it next time.