What's occurring on your local fb pages...

[aroseinexile]

A few weeks have passed since the last enjoyable thread. What's going down on yours?
Here, unannounced cycle lanes springing up overnight. (FURY)
Dog poo everwhere
And.... Mask wearing.

Isn't it wonderful the pubs are open?
Isn't it dreadful that people are going to the pubs now they're open?

What's the queue (usually spelt que) for the tip like?
The correct spelling of que
People getting offended about being told the correct spelling of que.

The damage the travellers did (I live close and haven't seen any) when they moved onto the playing field last weekend.

Someone is posting (normally) quite funny jokes that are written as though they are a complaint, and you have to read down to realise it's a joke. Most people don't read down and answer from the first sentence. Normally something along the lines "were are the police i h8 people who are violent id smash there face in"...

Someone is giving away 5 glass jars with lids - not jam jars, but old pasta sauce and mustard etc, that most people would just recycle.

The local post office is selling plants. It's always selling plants, in fact I think it's now a plant shop with sells stamps. (I go to the other post office who which now sells things made by local crafts people with little talent on a rent a shelf basis)

We had amazing footage of a ferret trying to break into someone’s first floor window last week. Unfortunately it was missing a David Attenborough voice-over

We to have chancers who think that the neighbourhood exists to provide them with anything they don’t have but would quite fancy. Starting off with some spare food, gravitating onto household paint and ending up with a free slide for the garden to be delivered by the kind donor.

Usually extremely snobby posts regarding the caravan owners coming back and 'infecting us with their disease'. How it should only be local people using the shops etc during this time... and lots and lots of 'to the person in the red car on lilac avenue, who didn't indicate as they pulled out of the road. I was weeding my front garden and the lack of indication did not affect me in the slightest but you must use your indicators...'

There is a pie delivery on Tuesday. And the town have cancelled the pilot project and are reinstating dogs have to be on the lead through the woods to the pond. People are threatening to Leave Town. It’s literally just going back to how it was before, but collective madness has taken hold and it appears this completely anodyne fact is akin to drowning puppies.
And the crazy lady who has been emptying the contents of her house at bargain rates for months is apparently having a garage sale. She can’t have anything left, except she posted an array of aquarium themed decor pics and what looks suspiciously like a toilet roll lady with a bead crinoline skirt. It is 2020.
I may have to go.

Work has started on the new fitness park
What is all that construction on X road?
Be careful, someone is speeding around the village late at night
Be careful, a large black bear just ran through my back garden

There’s going to be a “social gathering” of young people tomorrow round here. The authorities have lost track of which park though so have banned any gatherings in all five. I’m hoping it’s a rave 💃

Not tomorrow. Today. How exciting!

The opening hours of chip shops

Who can fit me in for a full hair colour at 7pm tonight for a budget of £15?

Which is the best Chinese?

Complaints about people not following the one way system in the pedestrianised area. People complaining about the existence of the one way system.

Any carvery open?

People asking for really specific items for free (Is anyone gifting a Hotpoint Eco version 25.6 in white, less then two months old, has to deliver as well).... Followed my a barrage of posts saying its not a selling /buying site

Mine is usually so boring (builder/plumber/decorator recommendations etc yawn) but twice there has been human poo on the footpath! second time it had toilet paper around it!
Was up road from me (luckily I didn't see it thankfully, but a lot of parents on school run did). That led to speculation over whether there was someone living is the bushes (we're a very green suburb lots of trees and forests etc), or someone being stupid . . . there was even talk of a cctv camera (a joke? I hope).
Aside from that, the only other excitement was a gang of drunken teenagers hanging around the school one Sat night about 6 months ago, and some of the parents were stressing that their kids might see beer bottles at school on Monday morning so were going to go up to the school on Sunday and clear them away. Good thing they've never seen all the wine bottles inside my house on any given weekend.

Well it's kicked off on ours. Admins muted the man who posts funny memes and then his son asked why he'd been banned and it's ended in a second bantery group being set up.

Also this week someone posted a photo of a car who's child passenger threw out an Apple core at a popular walking spot and 99% of the comments were taking the piss out of the person who took the photo and it resulted in a lot of memes and photos about apples, then the first woman posted about how she was being cyber bullied..

But my personal favourite from this week was

'Hi I'm xxx I'll be driving a white van to this address as I have permission to be there to empty his garage please don't call the police it's taxed and insured '

Anyone else? Or did I break the thread 😂

@Finfintytint

Must be! Just thought it was funny you should post that when we just had exactly same post on our local page. Obviously Audi drivers are really bad parkers

Ha ha. Mothership4two, North Shropshire perhaps?

There's been a few about a foul-mouthed woman. Assuming it is the same woman and we have not had an influx of female guttermouths!

One incident, which I weirdly find quite funny, was when some kind soul picked up the crisp packet that her son had just dropped in the high street saying "I'll just put that in the bin for you" and FMW called her a fing c and stormed off. I don't know why this tickles me? I think it's because it is generally a naice middle class polite place, winning village of the year and putting flowers up everywhere, and this in your face attitude is so far removed from that. I would definitely be the one picking up the packet!

In my town tonight there’s been much amusement. A lady started a fake profile and posted a picture of what is assumed to be her husband and asked if any one knew of him... turned out many woman did and they had met him in POF etc. They were all coming out of the woodwork. The posts got deleted and fake profile removed.. but multiple other posts have appeared from people wanting to know the rest of the story.
Poor woman, turns out he was known to many to be a wanker.

Someone’s thrown a takeaway down the big slide in the play park, slide now closed
Corner shop has a new stock of dragonfruit flavoured MD 20/20
We’re all class around here

‘a group of kids were just seen vandalising a delivery robot on X street ’

Stolen cycles..about 3 posts an hour
Fly tipping.. usually a mattress
Best Indian or pizza place...every day usually
Sourdough bread tips
Cycle lockers broken into
Cyclists not using cycle lanes

@soundsystem

Helicopters Lack of masks on public transport Is anyone's child starting X school in September Who remembers Bearmans?

Ooh that must be leytonstone !

It's all kicking off because the Chinese takeaway had loads of orders last night and delivered one an hour later than promised. The complainer in question lives literally yards from the takeaway so I don't know why they didn't just walk round. DH has given me a long list of reasons why no one from the birthday meal could pop out to collect, but I think some people just like to whinge.

We had a terrorist attack a few weeks ago so there is talk of that roads around being open

A major bridge is closed so lots of traffic questions

An influx of Travellers turning up, I'm not stereotyping at all but this influx are being very disruptive and leaving shit (actual human shit) in places.

And lots of mask wearing and rubbish collection questions.

Oh also lots of bikes being stolen and cars broken into

Someone mowed their grass at 9:10 this morning. Utter outrage!
Does this fat, well groomed cat have a home? Shall I feed it/rush it to the vets?
Loose sheep.

Speeding, grass needing cut and then the same wanker always trying to be funny but isn't so brings the chat to an end.