SAHMs what did you do once your kids were at school?

[heynori]

It's a little while off for me as my DC are still pre-school age but I'm thinking about my life once they are all at school.

I'm incredibly lucky that I don't have to work. Any money I make will make no difference to our overall family pot of money in any significant way.

The plan currently is for me to stay at home as long as my DC need me. They will still need picking up at 3pm on school days and need someone around in school holidays while they are at primary school. But once they're at secondary school and relatively self-sufficient? Then what? What do I do with my life? How do I fill my days? Will I have regretted not going back to work?

What did you do?

I'm a sahm of school age dc. I basically do shit loads of housework. I make sure that once dh and the dc are home as much of the chores etc are done...so no rushing round doing laundry in the evening etc. I make dinner whilst there at school so evenings are freed up. I used to go to the gym too. Go shopping. I find the days go really quickly

*they're

Got a part time job as I was bored shitless and hate housework. I was in the same position in that I didn't need to, but a few years down the line, I'm so glad I did, as life changed. My pension is terrible but would have been even worse had I stayed at home, and the part time job led to something interesting that pays decently FT.

I've worked all the way through even though we rely on DH.
You say that the money doesn't matter but if your Dh's salary pays the bills then any money you earn is then disposable income. Which is nice to have...

In practice though it's really hard to get flexible hours work, so I'd just enjoy it. Do you have friends around in the daytime? Can you do some voluntary work? Some new training?

I went back to uni and retrained. My salary pays for luxuries like holidays and horse riding lessons. I love working and earning my own money now, it gives me a life outside of the house.

My plan is to retrain as a bookkeeper. I do have vocational training that currently I can’t utilise due to space. To my mind the bookkeeping will be useful all on its own and fantastically useful alongside my business if I restart it in the future.

First of all, make sure that your definition of “financially secure” does not just rely on your husband - are you contributing to a pension for yourself? Even just a Lifetime ISA you chuck some money in a month will be helpful. Can you support the family as it grows comfortably or will you staying at home mean the DC can’t do any activities or hobbies? I think after a certain age they would benefit much more from being able to do things outside the home rather than having their mum be on call 24/7.

After that, figure out what you want to do. What do you enjoy? You’re in a very lucky position not having to work, but you could still find a job which you’re interested in and enjoy, that doesn’t take up too much time or headspace.

Alternatively, you could volunteer - schools and activities are crying out for volunteers. Or find a charity shop, or other cause you’re passionate about - for example helping refugees or befriending the elderly?

I do some online learning. Maths/French/German/Science/Programming.
Spend a lot of time cooking. Gaming. Bit of house work. Read. Sleep.

I did lots of volunteering (Home Start, RDA, opened a Free School, helped in school, worked a local hospice) and also did some courses with FutureLearn. I also would read, do housework, go riding, play tennis, cook, meet friends, go to London to galleries - there really weren't enough hours in the day and I'm always stunned when people say they'd be 'bored' being a SAHM!

I'm now doing two part time jobs for pin money really (I used to earn a 6 figure salary so it's a bit of a shock seeing the pay check!) but am hoping that once all of mine are in secondary next year, and I'm no longer tied to school pick up at 3.30, that I can increase those hours - I've already been asked to do more from early next year by one of my jobs, which is great.

Thanks all!

Yes, I have plenty of mum friends in similar positions so not afraid that I'd be lonely. I just worry that once DC are in secondary school I'd feel like no one needs me or relies on me anymore.

I have been thinking of retraining as an interior designer but it seems every other bored housewife in my area is an interior designers these days

Volunteering actually sounds like a good idea though!

I’ve just accepted a full time job as I’m fed up of being taken for granted! Not quite what you wanted to hear! 🤣

If money were no option, though, I would definitely get a cleaner and do another degree or some other kind of learning. Art lessons. Exercise.

If your "extremely lucky I don't ever have to work" translates to I rely on my husband, get a job. I've lost count of the number of friends I have in this situation whose husbands left them and they were left with no money or earning potential. I'm not saying this will happen to you, just that its never a good idea to be financially dependent on another person.

Well my children are older and Apart from a P/T job for a few years, have been at home for most of that time .We have always had dogs and I really enjoy walking and talking to people and their pooches! Made lots of friends and its a very social thing .Went to London for the day with one lady! Most of my friends do work though .Apart from that tend to do washing ,prepare meals ,hoover and all done by the evening ! Relax and enjoy your time .I feel that women always need to "Prove " that they are fully employable ,and must rush back to work ASAP! Just think lots of time on Mumsnet Too! Many women have to work outside the home just to be able to live ,and I think we are fortunate that we dont have to TBH!

f your "extremely lucky I don't ever have to work" translates to I rely on my husband, get a job. I've lost count of the number of friends I have in this situation whose husbands left them and they were left with no money or earning potential. I'm not saying this will happen to you, just that its never a good idea to be financially dependent on another person.

This

There are dozens of posts on MN from women who were similarly “lucky” and now have to try to find a job ten years later with no childcare, no CV, no pension, and downsizing their house to something they can afford on a part time salary that works around their (usually sole) child care commitments.
Lucky indeed!

Not to be a pessimist, but keep divorce statistics in the back of your mind. It might feel right now like it'll never happen to you, but then what if it does? And you have no earning potential/useable skills in the workplace because you've spent so many years away from it? Financial independence is a really important thing for everyone to have if they can achieve it. I'd certainly recommend some form of volunteering if not, to maintain skills and connections in a field that interests you

Yes I think interior design is one of those things were there's more people who want to be one than there are people who need one!

I'm a SAHM kids are 6 & 11 and I'm bored out of my brains!! I can't work because I don't have any family around to help with childcare like all of my friends and I really really don't want to be a TA which EVERYONE tells me I should be because it fits around school hours.

On a regular non pandemic day I drop the 6 yo off at a school, on a Monday I meet a friend for coffee and maybe twice a week I force myself to the gym but the rest of the time I come home and tidy my house, do ironing etc.. It's so fucking boring! I want to get a job but any job would mean paying for childcare and it would make it completely pointless working! I actually love it when 3pm rolls around and I start thinking about leaving to pick the kids up.

The worst thing is that at the weekends I'm loving everyone being home and want to get up and do stuff but my husband has been at work all week so just wants to chill out and not do much!

I often wonder what SAHMs do about pensions. Can they pay NI to get a full state pension?
My friend has been a SAHM for 7 years, and has 4 children. The youngest being 1. So for her its not worth going to work to have to pay loads more out on childcare than she could earn. But shes nearly 30, and hasn't paid NI for at least those 7 years, and if you have to pay 35 years worth of NI to get a state pension then shes running out of time.

Have you thought about helping out at school OP, i know a few mums that go in and listen to the children read, or help out on school trips occasionally.

dottie yes I have a dog and I can't wait till the days I can take him on really long lovely walks instead of hurrying him around a park with DC.

To those saying about divorce, I'll be ok financially if we divorce. DH has been divorced once before and exW is v comfortable in mortgage-free house and spousal maintenance payments.

In your shoes I'd volunteer in a charity shop and / or local library as those are 2 places I love (not that libraries are open right now I don't think).

In the future I personally want to train as a volunteer with the National breastfeeding helpline.

Lots of options op

@nutrigraingoodness if you have registered for child benefit, whether you actually receive it or not, you get NI credits until your youngest is 12.

My private pension is pitiful, so part of the reason I want to increase my hours is to put as much as I possibly can into it, although I will inherit a fairly decent chunk of money (my parents discussed their will with my brother and me recently), so I'm far less stressed than I was!!

I was a SAHM when I had pre-schoolers. Once my youngest DC started pre-school I started volunteering in the school & found a few part-time hrs working. Once my youngest was at school I had a couple of lovely months then I got bored. For my own self-validation I wanted to work and to give myself an outlet outside the children. I also like being able to talk about my occupation when meeting up with others. At work I am treated with professional courtesy which I don't always get at home! Working p/t means I can justify to myself having a cleaner so I don't have to do the housework I like least.
I remember seeing one of those longitudinal documentaries where they revisit the children and parents every few years. There was one mum who'd given up her professional job when her children were little and they'd now reached the point where they'd gone off to University - she was a bit regretful at that point and seemed a bit lost but was not yet retirement age. Equally I'm sure there are lots of very happy long-term SAH parents.
It is fortunate if your primary driver for working isn't financial but the rewards of working aren't purely monetary. See how you feel as your children get older?

I think for everyone it would be different. I suspect that for at least a year or two I'd just enjoy a slower pace! Drift around doing housework, cooking etc while kids at school while listening to podcasts or watching tv on my iPad etc etc. Lots of time spent reading quietly etc.

In time, I could see that starting to get a bit old. I suspect for me, I'd probably then choose to study. Nothing vocational - women's studies or history or something. I might also volunteer somewhere - for me it would be something like the local library.

Less enjoyably, but I think it's useful, I'd probably also consider volunteering at the DC' school (or, I guess, another school). I know our school really relies on the time spent by PTA members for funding and there are a number of parents who do regular in-class volunteering as well, almost acting as part time, unpaid teaching assistants.

DH on the other hand, I can tell you exactly what he'd do.... because he's doing it currently! . He is self employed and completely unable to work during covid and the kids have gone back to school. He's spending this time working on all kinds of DIY projects. So far he's sanded, touched up and repainted the doors and walls downstairs, and completed the flooring in the study. He's hoping to be able to do all doors and paint the hallways/staircases before the kids are on holiday in a few weeks. But he is not a man who is happy to just sit around!

Working seems pointless at times if you think of all the costs

I work full time (sp) in a very stressful job once the bills are paid for that’s it money is always always tight. I’m treating myself to a few clothes today with my £50 for me and very excited about this

But seriously I would rather be working (do really like my job which helps) with no money left over than bored out of my brains

There will always be some juggling about but really I would think about it in the future