SAHMs what did you do once your kids were at school?

[heynori]

It's a little while off for me as my DC are still pre-school age but I'm thinking about my life once they are all at school.

I'm incredibly lucky that I don't have to work. Any money I make will make no difference to our overall family pot of money in any significant way.

The plan currently is for me to stay at home as long as my DC need me. They will still need picking up at 3pm on school days and need someone around in school holidays while they are at primary school. But once they're at secondary school and relatively self-sufficient? Then what? What do I do with my life? How do I fill my days? Will I have regretted not going back to work?

What did you do?

I joined a nice gym, met friends, went shopping and did all household chores so the weekends were entirely free to do fun family stuff. I enjoyed it, I never felt stressed and wasn't rushing all the time.

I can't work because I don't have any family around to help with childcare like all of my friends

It's such a mistake to think this way, @Wilberforce1. Most people do not have free childcare round the corner; that's what after school clubs, childminders and babysitters are for. Even if in the short-term the financial gains are a wash, long-term it will work out to your advantage.

Volunteer in something that interests you and see where it leads. I did that whilst I was a SAHM and now have a well paid flexible part time job as a result. I cant imagine going back to being a SAHM now.

Are you paying your NI contributions?

@Fungster all of my friends who work have family helping out with childcare and most of them say that they wouldn’t be able to do it without. I would have to pay for breakfast and after school club (£16.70 a day) and then for full time holiday club in the school holidays (£30 a day)!

My youngest is only 6 so won’t be coming and going on her own until she is in secondary school so that’s 5 years of paying for childcare! I have never had a “proper” career so I don’t have anything to go back into, I always did admin/secretarial work. Apart from all of that I have zero confidence because I haven’t worked since July 2008!!!

I would have to pay for breakfast and after school club (£16.70 a day) and then for full time holiday club in the school holidays (£30 a day)!

Yes, I do understand that, @Wilberforce1. But this is a short-term issue - you have to play the long game. There will come a point when the care costs drop and you'll have perhaps progressed at work so pay rises, etc. will follow. If your confidence is low from being out of work for so long, it's only going to get worse if you leave it even longer. My youngest is also six so I know it feels like they'll need expensive care forever, but it really won't be that long before they're in secondary school. That's when you'll be so glad you pushed through the short-term pain.

maddie yes I'm paying NI contributions so if all else fails I'll be entitled to a state pension.

I really hadn't thought of volunteering before this thread so thank you to the SAHMs who have suggested it!

maddie yes I'm paying NI contributions so if all else fails I'll be entitled to a state pension.

I really hadn't thought of volunteering before this thread so thank you to the SAHMs who have suggested it!

Well my kids are not all in school yet but I'm doing another degree online and hoping to career change once they are all at school. I love it!

Started my own business now higher rate tax payer

I've been at home for 15 years as I'm a carer but I find the days fly in. My house is never really tidy either. By the time I've done the school drop off, drank a coffee in peace, gone on MN, cooked dinner and done basic housework it's time to leave again to pick them up. I do voluntary work on the several days a month when ds is in school for a full day.

Not there yet as still the baby days for me but should finances mean that I don’t have to work when dc are in school I would instead focus my time on running a small business.

I am creative and make a few things which people like to buy but I don’t have the time to do it right now

When I have the time I know I could make more and sell my products even if it brings in just a few hundred a month as it’s fun to do too

I worked over 40hrs before having my son seven months ago. I am already finding it strange not to be working, though I know kids are a full time job in themselves!
I will be going back to work after the year for:

1. I like to earn my own money and buy things for us knowing I've earnt them. I've always been like that, I like things more when I've earnt them, not just given.
2. I would never want to be financially dependent on someone. I'd feel bad spending my husband's money.
3. To show my son that mummy has to work so we can have nice things (even though we could just about manage without my wage).
4. I'm not actually sure what I would do all day at home. I'm already bored of cooking and cleaning and watching This Morning! I don't feel like a participating member of society and am less productive the less I do.
5. A sense of 'me' aside from being a mum, to boost my own self esteem and confidence. Otherwise, when my son grows up, what will I have for me? My husband's mother got serious empty nest syndrome and it was because she had dedicated every moment to her kids and when they left she realised she didn't have a job or interests and thus really struggles.
6. Boring as it is, I do think of my pension and the future.

Not sure my ramblings add to the thread but just my thoughts !

I walk the dog, do some excerise then clean the house. I do miss having a job, but have no outside help with the children when they're sick/on holiday from school. I tried getting a voluntary part time job, but they all wanted me to be flexible with my hours. It wasn't possible to find one 10-2 in the day! Perhaps finding a hobby would be a good idea to meet similarly minded people, op?

I find this question funny. Sahms get offended when you ask what they do all day and here you are struggling to come up with any ideas.

8 years of being a SAHP. 3 kids, 10, 7.4. Ups and downs.

Went back to work p/t in a marketing role when eldest was 1. Then stopped after 2nd.

Hate housework, never ending dirge of laundry, mess etc. Long, empty days lie ahead with nothing fulfilling unless you are proactive. Netflix, books, lunches, dog walks, all sound amazing at the start, then when you realise there is no end in sight...it's depressing. As a pp said, you feel like you're living for everyone else, with nothing to really feel proud about.

Over the years I've ran playgroups, helped with swimming club, been on PTA, volunteered with a charity. The volunteering sparked a passion for a new career change, and I start training full-time in September.

I cannot wait to have some independence outside the kids. They'll be on freezer food for a while, the house will be a shit tip, but I will be so much happier!

To those saying about divorce, I'll be ok financially if we divorce. DH has been divorced once before and exW is v comfortable in mortgage-free house and spousal maintenance payments.

So your husband already has one failed marriage behind him and is currently supporting two households? If he is super rich, you are married without a prenup and his finances are transparent then I guess you could be financially OK. But otherwise start looking for a job to make yourself independent. What did you do pre children? Can you go back to that or you could take the opportunity to retrain?

Is it just me who cannot get their heads around being financially dependent on someone else.

To those saying about divorce, I'll be ok financially if we divorce. DH has been divorced once before and exW is v comfortable in mortgage-free house and spousal maintenance payments.

There is no guarantee you'd get the same.

Don't just think of "when the kids are in school", think about the rest of the whole of your life - 50+ years potentially. What do you want to do with that? Because being a housewife with a bit of volunteering will not sustain you once your kids are teens, or in college or left the home.

What did you do before children? What would you do if you didn't have children/weren't married? What are you interested in/passionate about?

You are a real person separate from your husband/children/family finances.

I am findng it hard to get my head around someone who can't find a good use of time.

I dream of having spare time. The list of things I would do is endless. Contribute to the community, get fit, cutivate a garden, raise money for charity, get really fit.

In answer to your question OP I started a small business from home, we needed the money, but I am also fiercely independant. As much as OH and I are a partnership it is meaningful for me to be financially active.

I'd spend my time reading books about feminism OP....

I'd spend my time reading books about feminism OP....

Love it!!

I was a SAHM for nine years, but I went back to work part time (0.5 FTE) when my youngest started reception.

For me, part time work is the best of both worlds - I have an interesting, fulfilling job which keeps my mind active, I still have lots of time with my kids and pick them up from school three times a week, and I contribute financially. I earn a lot less than DH but my salary was handy when he was made redundant a few years ago.

A word of warning OP - don't assume that you'll be as financially comfortable as the ex if you and DH ever split up. Spousal maintenance is a lot less common now than it used to be.

Sahm for a long time. Starting part time work in a potential long term career has done wonders for my children and myself. I no longer feel quite so worried about the future and my husband doesn’t feel the pressure of being the sole earner (even if he does out earn me by many multiples).