SAHMs what did you do once your kids were at school?

[heynori]

It's a little while off for me as my DC are still pre-school age but I'm thinking about my life once they are all at school.

I'm incredibly lucky that I don't have to work. Any money I make will make no difference to our overall family pot of money in any significant way.

The plan currently is for me to stay at home as long as my DC need me. They will still need picking up at 3pm on school days and need someone around in school holidays while they are at primary school. But once they're at secondary school and relatively self-sufficient? Then what? What do I do with my life? How do I fill my days? Will I have regretted not going back to work?

What did you do?

To answer your question: housework, laundry, batch-cooking, tidying, seeing friends (not daily), reading, and looking for a job (applications take a long time).

I could very happily fill my days without working - I'd walk every footpath on the local area, have bike rides, read loads of books and listen to podcasts etc. I'd get much fitter, wild swim, join classes, dance etc. I'd walk friends' dogs, I'd volunteer and help at school. I'd do more in our local community - the library, museum, shopping for the elderly etc. I'd have a tidy, organised house with better planned and prepared meals and seriously organised and planned trips and holidays. I'd love to study more - there's so many things I'd like to know more about - languages, history, art...Boredom wouldn't come into it!

Alongside all that, the school day is seriously short and theres frequent holidays and insets. Secondary school doesn't mean they don't need you - in fact you can be needed more especially emotionally and as a taxi.

I haven't ever not worked - mostly full time plus. It's not always been strictly financially necessary or worth it. We've had phases where we've paid more in childcare than on our mortgage per month! And I've been effectively paying to go to work. Those who have said they can't work due to childcare--there is always a way. We've never had any family help and have had to pay for every minute of childcare. I wouldn't ever want to not work. I've trained hard, and have skills and experience that are useful. I like having a sense of purpose and I enjoy being part of a team, having colleagues and interacting with the public as me, not someone's parent. The money I earn is less essential than dh's but I feel justified in spending it as I wish without accou ting to anyone else, and I can save pots in my own isa and savings accounts separate to anything else. My DC see me do extra to pay for additional treats etc and know that my training and qualifications are what enables me to earn.

So, if it were me, regardless of finances, I'd work. I'd volunteer and develop my hobbies and interests, nourish friendships and relationships and connections to my local community. Much like I do now!

Once my kids were school age, I looked for a job and went straight back to work (doing a much more interesting job for less pay). I work full time but didn't enjoy being a skivvy in the house and waiting around for 3.30pm each day. I reckon paying for 2.5/3 hours childcare a day makes more financial sense than me not working. Full time hours opens up the job market. It's trickier in summer, but we just suck it up for those weeks.

My youngest starts school this September. I was planning to have a bit of time while he settled in. Update my cv/ portfolio. Redecorate the house. Learn French. Learn the piano. Get fit. Long bike rides. Train for a marathon. Might get a dog still deciding. Start painting (art) again. Join some clubs/ groups. But I will start looking for PT work back in my field too. It took me about 2years to start confidently using my dh money for me. I've always worked and been financially independent since I was 16. I've also got a small pension.

Retrained as a teacher. The day the last started school, so did I. Couldn't stand the idea of an empty house and love having something for me and showing my children what you can do if you work hard. I still spend every holiday with them.

It's not just divorce. I went back into work when DS was 2 because DH developed a chronic illness that is likely to eventually lead to him having to leave work about 20 years before retirement age.

At that point we could have still lived comfortably on DH's pay, but it is much easier to go back to work after a few years out than over a decade. And after a year of both of us slogging away full time we were comfortable enough for us to both drop to a 4 day week (different days off so DS has a parent at home 3 days a week).

The chances of one of you getting too ill to work in a working lifetime are reasonably high, and if that's your DH then how will you live?

I would still like to work if money was no object but I would do passion projects etc.

Is there anything you are really passionate about or enjoy(ed) doing? What did you do pre children?

Whether you use these ideas for work or volunteering or even setting up your own business or charity, it’s a good place to start by thinking about where you heart lies and what things get you feeling excited to do.

I love being a full time working mum. But it depends on your job and personality. I’m not very good at self motivating myself at home and I dislike all domestic tasks and typical hobbies. I couldn’t afford to regularly do the sort of hobbies I would actually enjoy anyway (travel and adventure sports)

I love my job, it energises me and gives me purpose so I would suggest looking for a career that does the same for you.

Mine are age 5-9 and I started working as a lunch supervisor last year, which has worked out well. I’m definitely not slagging off the role, but it wasn’t something I’d considered going into as it’s different than my previous roles - plus Id never seen paid roles advertised on my local job board.

The school approached me and I knew I was free everyday and I’m there for drop off/pick ups, it’s term time only and it’s been good - well apart from the big Covid-19 break. It worked very well around the volunteering I’d been doing too.

DH’s wage does cover everything but there’s nothing ‘spare’, me doing this job means I’m not relying on monthly ££ from him.

Before I started my few hours a week at the school the volunteering was a big positive for me. My youngest was in nursery hours since he was 2 to help with my MH and it really helped being out and doing something away from the flat. I’ll hopefully be able to continue it when everything has calmed down as I love it.

I thinking working when you have school age dc is not as easy as people think, particularly if you don't have family on hand to help.

My dcs school constantly has open mornings, assemblies, workshops, sports day, plays etc. Yes, those things are optional to attend but lots of working parents send grandparents in for those things...Not to mention when your dc is unwell, inset days, etc

Then there's 14 weeks school holiday to cover...

The school day is short...a typical day for me could be...

Drop off by 9am. Go to gym...9.30-10.30 workout. Home and showered by 11. Spend an hour putting on some laundry and clearing up kitchen after breakfast, getting house straight. Then it's 12. Quick lunch. 12.30...pop to shops to grab some food. Home by 1.30. Maybe do some ironing, change bedding, clean bathrooms, hoover, make dinner for later. By then it's time for pick up. Kids might have clubs or sports after school so ferrying them around.

formerbabe no it's not easy. It was in fact easier in many ways when they went to nursery which was open 50 weeks a year.

I think it depends on your location. We live in an area with high number of working parents and excellent before and after care at the school. Also plenty of holiday care opportunities in the area.

We don’t seem to miss out on many school events. Sports days yes. But I can’t think of anything else apart from that I’ve missed.

They don’t have parents attend assemblies. Also the school has open evenings and school plays in the evenings also.

It's not easy juggling children and work, but what worth having is easy? 😁 We didn't have family help, other than an odd day here and there in the holidays (literally a couple of days a year), but it was cheaper for us to have a nanny than nursery for 2, then we used school wraparound care which I think is excellent value.

My employers have always been sympathetic to school meetings/sick days etc, and I've either worked from home or made the time up. Most people I've worked with have had children too - they face the same challenges.

You'll fill whatever time you have, that's easy enough, but it doesn't mean you won't be able to do any of those things if you were working as well, it's not all or nothing.

It massively depends on what kind of work you do. If you're highly paid then you can throw money at child care. If you're highly skilled and valued at work then you'll usually be able to negotiate time off because of the value you bring to the business.

I think if you actually want a spotless home and garden, this takes a lot of time every day. It can also takes hours to cook properly if you're making different complex recipes every night! I'm not very good at self structure so would need a strict timetable like a job. But this does mean it will be your job entirely and will probably encourage very strict gender roles, which you may want to think about.

Also please please make sure your dh isnt just ok with it but actually really respects it and thinks of it as a job that you are doing every day. I say this as you get so many posts on here (and in rl!) where the husband suddenly gets annoyed she's not 'pulling her weight' or doesnt appreciate how much she does.

Remember he will have lunch breaks and coffee breaks with colleagues. You do the same - try and find a SAHP network around you so at least once a week you meet someone you can talk with about these things. I'm still on mat leave but to keep me sane I try to listen to podcasts and intellectual things when I'm in the kitchen washing up and sorting dinner. I actually enjoy that though and hope to return to the workforce one day. Plus it's important to keep up to date with current affairs to talk to dh and kids about.

I am a sahm and will continue to be once the youngest dc at school but it’s due to my asd as I can’t work.
Sometimes I wish I could but then I try to focus on the positives and use each day to just get through and not get overwhelmed so I suppose once in a few years when I have days to myself that might improve things further.
We arent massively well off but it’s out only option
OP you w maybe do some volunteering if you wanted to get out a bit in school hours

Staying at home living my life for and through other people, even for family, would make me feel thoroughly miserable. Do you feel strange not having a work purpose and not earning anything?

Plus how boring just thinking of cooking tea and having a clean home day in day out.

I don't find it boring...sometimes I miss working, but I know if I worked I'd massively struggle juggling everything else. I know a working mum whose mother turns up every morning at 7.30 to do the school run, does her housework, picks up the child and mum can get home whenever. I'd love to work in that situation! but i know I'd be juggling an unwell child, breakfast clubs, after school clubs, housework etc.
I don't mind housework, I love cooking, I listen to the radio all day and read etc. I'm an introvert so happy on my own during the day.

I have a reception child and a 2.5 year old and have been thinking about this a lot recently.

I have a shit ton of hobbies I can’t wait to have more time for.

I want to read more and enjoy some peace and quiet.

We are moving into a project house next week so I’m sure a lot of that will keep me busy.

I have just restarted singing lessons so looking to see where that leads me.

I have a very part time freelance job I can take on orders whenever I fancy.

My reception child already does ice skating and swimming lessons and I think my second will be completely different set of hobbies, so that.

I am getting involved with a local group.

DH and I are aiming for as stress-free life as possible so I’m very selective how I spend my time and not interested at all in overstretching ourselves. I can’t understand how people stay sane and do it all! I feel so inadequate!

Just to add, I don’t feel bad not making money. I am contributing society by raising lovely kids into productive adults and that isn’t valued enough in society. I know working parents do that same, but that doesn’t mean that I dont.

I got involved in school governance and that became almost a job in itself. I did a master. We did a big building project. Then after 14 years I was bored to tears and went back to work. I was very lucky because I rang up my old employers to see if they remembered me and they offered me a job pret

Is it just me who cannot get their heads around being financially dependent on someone else

No, I'm with you. It would cause me worry and affect my self esteem.

**I just worry that once DC are in secondary school I'd feel like no one needs me or relies on me anymore.

I have a few friends who worked throughout the primary years and then became sahms when the kids reached secondary as, in a lot of ways, they actually need you more then.

Oh don’t worry I’m a SAHM and I feel like absolute shit because I don’t work. So we’re not all wafting around drinking Costa and having our nails done.