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Anti dementors are going to hit the shops. Who wants to come?

999 replies

Shodan · 16/06/2020 10:22

This'll be thread number 13, I think.

Let's hope it's a lucky one Grin

(Sorry about the feeble title)

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Orangeblossom78 · 16/06/2020 13:28

Yes the crisps on a bench / exercise on a bench was a 'worthy' type one too...(despite the exercise would cause sweat, presumably, to fall on said bench)

my picnic thread os shame was full of food shame too "Can you not wait till you get home to eat" Grin

LivinLaVidaLoki · 16/06/2020 13:29

@BarkandCheese

I’m so fed up of enjoying sodding nature, I want to enjoy unnatural things dammit.
More unnatural than being cooped up and not able to visit friends or family 😁😂😂
LadyOfTheImprovisedBath · 16/06/2020 13:29

Would have murdered a couple more people as well by paying in some cheques but my bank are kindly "supporting their customers" by opening for approximately five minutes every third day.

I had to down load a phone app - to pay a cheque in - apparently that meant I wanted bank statement via e-mail [hhmm]. So went on-line banking say no wanted statements through the post.

The don't have my e-mail address now sending letters moaning the can't e-mail my bank statements.

Supermarketworker06 · 16/06/2020 13:30

@rosettesforjill

Some absolute top class dementoring on Jeremy Vine on Radio 2 today. ANYBODY CAN SPREAD THE VIRUS and if you stand next to somebody YOU COULD END UP SPREADING IT TO HUNDREDS OF OTHERS
I was just listening to that chap who was the self appointed 2 metre guardian of the faith. What can I say?
Nihiloxica · 16/06/2020 13:31

@BarkandCheese

I’m so fed up of enjoying sodding nature, I want to enjoy unnatural things dammit.
Amen
Drivingdownthe101 · 16/06/2020 13:32

A good friend of our family (French) gave up his job as a very successful lawyer and opened a bar in his home town, about 30 miles north of Paris... my dad was due to fly out for the opening night at the beginning of March, which obviously didn’t happen.
So pleased to see that not only has he finally opened, he also has live music there this weekend!

Nihiloxica · 16/06/2020 13:34

More unnatural than being cooped up and not able to visit friends or family 😁😂😂

Chapeau

LadyOfTheImprovisedBath · 16/06/2020 13:35

I'd be interested to know if these were largely based in the huge care home in the town centre.

There's only been two deaths in our small part of the city despite an old people's home and a sheltered housing. It's not the posh bit either - large deprived area mixed with more socailly affluent parts.

Overall cities been badly hit - and local care homes were on news about pressue they came under to accept untested or worse postive tested covid patients from hospitals.

Wishfulthinking1977 · 16/06/2020 13:37

'Waves excitedly to be talking to sane people!!' Does anyone else find sd around some elderly people really hard?! Mine can't hear or see me properly and don't understand so start waving packages or letters they have had so end up doing some sort of sodding deranged line dance routine around them! I'm having a murderous rampage this weekend! Drinks with the girls and then killing off my parents with a fathers day Bbq! I'm obviously entirely responsible for the spike in the South West!! 🙄😱

Drivingdownthe101 · 16/06/2020 13:38

Life is good today. DD’s at school. Toddler has been napping for nearly 2 hours (which never happens). First bit of peace for 13 weeks! Just wish I couldn’t hear DH wittering away on a work call.

SockYarn · 16/06/2020 13:40

Shamlessly lifted from FB post about the Scottish government and Nicola Sturgeon's attitude to "safe":

[* * Edited by MNHQ to remove personal info **]

The only thing that matters in the world right now, and let’s be clear and concise about this, is safety.
The world has never before known the challenge of keeping so many people safe.
Our leadership is primarily, not for your comfort, but for your safety. Yes, having a job and being able to pay for things is nice. But it’s not as nice as being safe.
Someone once said, “what use are human rights if we don’t have health and safety?”, and I’d like to announce today that I concur completely with this.
And while I know some parents have concerns over their children’s education and future job prospects, but can I remind you, clearly and concisely, that education and job prospects are privileges and not rights. The only rights that matter are the right to be safe. At all times.
With that in mind, we’re announcing today plans to close, ban or cancel the following:

  • swimming pools
  • all roads
  • peanuts
  • scary films
  • rollercoasters
  • the waltzers
  • Irn Bru
  • chip shops
  • shopping
  • jobs
However, in line with our consistent policy of keeping you safe, cigarettes an alcohol will remain available for key workers and essential people. Non-essential people are reminded that, for everyone’s safety, that fussing over the economy benefits no one. We have asked Westminster to keep furlough in place for another two years, so it’s not our fault if, by forcing non-essential people to not have a job, you can’t pay your mortgage. Mortgages are scientifically proven, and I’m sure Professor Leitch will agree with me here, to not be safe. And neither are schools or playgrounds or sports or drama classes or being able to actually ask a teacher a question.
Mascotte · 16/06/2020 13:42

😂😂 @SockYarn that's brilliant

BarkandCheese · 16/06/2020 13:42

SockYarn 😂

BogRollBOGOF · 16/06/2020 13:44

@BarkandCheese

I’m so fed up of enjoying sodding nature, I want to enjoy unnatural things dammit.
I think it was late April when I went for an urban long run and got great joy by going past an industrial estate and seeing traffic Grin I even ended up in the literal twighlight zone of the big shopping centre to use the toilet facilities as a bush just wouldn't sufficr at that point.

I've generally favoured the countryside as I don't have to think about the social distancing game there.

I remember the piglets bomb being dropped into a thread Grin
My DCs have become quite enamoured on lambs this spring.

Willow2017 · 16/06/2020 13:46

@SockYarn

Shamlessly lifted from FB post about the Scottish government and Nicola Sturgeon's attitude to "safe":

[ Edited by MNHQ to remove personal info ]

The only thing that matters in the world right now, and let’s be clear and concise about this, is safety.
The world has never before known the challenge of keeping so many people safe.
Our leadership is primarily, not for your comfort, but for your safety. Yes, having a job and being able to pay for things is nice. But it’s not as nice as being safe.
Someone once said, “what use are human rights if we don’t have health and safety?”, and I’d like to announce today that I concur completely with this.
And while I know some parents have concerns over their children’s education and future job prospects, but can I remind you, clearly and concisely, that education and job prospects are privileges and not rights. The only rights that matter are the right to be safe. At all times.
With that in mind, we’re announcing today plans to close, ban or cancel the following:

  • swimming pools
  • all roads
  • peanuts
  • scary films
  • rollercoasters
  • the waltzers
  • Irn Bru
  • chip shops
  • shopping
  • jobs
However, in line with our consistent policy of keeping you safe, cigarettes an alcohol will remain available for key workers and essential people. Non-essential people are reminded that, for everyone’s safety, that fussing over the economy benefits no one. We have asked Westminster to keep furlough in place for another two years, so it’s not our fault if, by forcing non-essential people to not have a job, you can’t pay your mortgage. Mortgages are scientifically proven, and I’m sure Professor Leitch will agree with me here, to not be safe. And neither are schools or playgrounds or sports or drama classes or being able to actually ask a teacher a question.
Bloody brilliant!
LivinLaVidaLoki · 16/06/2020 13:48

@Nihiloxica

More unnatural than being cooped up and not able to visit friends or family 😁😂😂

Chapeau

I had to look that up. Clearly I belong in the Primark queue.
AnxiousElephant77 · 16/06/2020 13:49

@SockYarn I love it!

OhFuckOffWithTheBubbleBollocks · 16/06/2020 13:49

Have you guys seen that Cineworld are reopening?

I would do a little dance of joy but think I have already exceeded my personal risk assessment by murdering a nice elderly lady, a pug dog and possibly myself Grin by going to the park earlier and having a conversation despite shielding. I fail at protecting the vulnerable.

You guys will also like this, my DD works in retail (I'm really sorry I won't say where even though I really want to) and the Perspex screens have not arrived yet. Yesterday, on the till, she interacted with customers safely protected behind a piece of cardboard erected on the till counter with a hole cut in it to see people's faces.

I swear to God this is true, I wouldn't believe it myself if someone told me.

So her employers also fail at protecting the vulnerable and allowing people to shop safe (by the way, what happened to fucking adverbs, were they murdered by coronavirus too?)

Laniakea · 16/06/2020 13:50

Report from town.

One way system in place in main pedestrianised area, being ignored.
About a third of ppl in masks - about half of those are chin hammocks.
A few bored looking po-lice around.
Only long queue was Waterstones Grin
Primark queue quick & well behaved. Hand san everywhere. Fine inside.
Opticians in full PPE - everything an infection vector (human being) goes near is immediately sanitised ... required to declare your purpose for entering the shop at the door.

The Entertainer - all as normal.
Tiger - as normal, no queue, 50% off sale.
Shopping centre reopened - juice bars & Starbucks busy.

Only weird bit was side entrance of John Lewis blocked off by a pile of shopping trolleys Grin very iZombie!

Dd1 has gone back in this afternoon to make more observations!

OhFuckOffWithTheBubbleBollocks · 16/06/2020 13:51

Banning the waltzers Grin

Laniakea · 16/06/2020 13:52

Oh forgot sports direct - they had a bit of a queue but not as bad as the book shop.

(Felt quite disappointed as that’s the sort of thing which means we’ll lose our reputation as a Shit Town)

justasking111 · 16/06/2020 13:52

@NannyPhlegm thank you for link have forwarded to friends in the airbnb game.

Was at co-op earlier a little express who have done superbly in the safety department for three months now. As I came out someone called out my name. It was our old friend whose wife was my doctor years ago. He chatted away about OH fishing etc. quite happily while my old doctor, masked, gloved, said nothing and looked absolutely terrified. I was so shocked when I realised she really wanted me gone from her sight. I never thought I would see a dementor gp.

BarkandCheese · 16/06/2020 13:54

@OhFuckOffWithTheBubbleBollocks

Banning the waltzers Grin
To be fair as a combo chips, Irn Bru and the waltzers probably shouldn’t be allowed 🤢.
Drivingdownthe101 · 16/06/2020 13:54

Yesterday, on the till, she interacted with customers safely protected behind a piece of cardboard erected on the till counter with a hole cut in it to see people's faces

This is brilliant.

And yes to the loss of adverbs! One of the biggest crimes of this whole debacle (alongside the removal of liberties, taking away our children’s education etc) is the fucking appalling grammar that has crept in to everything.

‘A social distanced walk’
‘Social distanced drinks with the girls’
‘Shop safe’

Arghhh!!!

LadyOfTheImprovisedBath · 16/06/2020 13:55

We have Cineworld tickets - but I'm not sure when they'll be open in wales - still might get to use them in summer holiday.