Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

[HelenUrth]

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

Same in our house. I'm no fan of driving. DH loves it.

I do all the driving in my household, so it doesn't apply here, but I do have friends/family who follow that pattern.

My parents only have one car but my dad drives if they're together. From my mum's point of view that's because she had to drive every day for years when she was working and my dad wasn't (he was ill, and became the sahp) so now it's his turn to do the driving. From my dad's point of view, when he was ill he wasn't allowed to drive, and felt as if he gave up a lot of his independence, so now he feels much more independent when he is driving, and he's more in control of his own life.

My friend and her husband have 2 cars, but she only drives the commute to work, and will occasionally drive to do some shopping. She has never driven on a motorway, and has never driven more than 30 miles from her home. A few years ago she had a car accident, not her fault, black ice, that put her in hospital for weeks and she's been even more wary of driving since then. She's terrified, but she has to drive herself to work and the kids to school. She makes her husband drive whenever he's around

Blimey it's like feminism never happened.

I bet all these men who can't bear the thought of the little woman driving them around are still pretty happy for her to go out to work and bring home money.

Seems like men nowadays like to exert their power and control in the easiest most visible way possible. Ie.
Driving. But it doesn't extend to supporting their family financially singlehandedly.

Oh and if they've had a beer, they'll graciously let the woman drive him home.

I do that and so do my parents. We do it because both my mum and I hate driving and because we both hate feeling like our driving is being observed and silently judged!

We're the opposite too. I'm the primary driver in our house, we each have our own cars and even though dh put more money than I did to my car purchase he has never driven it at all. If we go out we mainly use my car so I drive. Both mid 50's.
My parents are the other though, in their 70's and my dad always drives whether it's mums or his vehicle. Mind you, if we go anywhere as a group, he never has an issue if i drive any of the vehicles. I think my mother is not a very confident driver though even though she's been driving 50+ years.

I must have missed the memo which says that as a woman I must hate driving.

I'm glad I don't have to have this discussion. My DP never learned to drive, has no interest in driving, never asks to be driven anywhere unless it's important - eg: to the hospital or similar, and couldn't care less about cars. I like driving. I hate being in a car while others drive. It works out perfectly for me!

DH drives regardless of whose car we are in. I don't actually mind driving but I do prefer to be driven. DH would not mind at all though if I suddenly started driving us around.

I must have missed the memo which says that as a woman I must hate driving.

There wasn't a memo. Some women do, some don't. You obviously fall into the latter category, as do I.

If it was an even split...it would be personal preference. When it's overwhelmingly skewed one way...its more than that

But OP asked for people who do this to comment! So of course it's skewed one way. It's like asking for people who dislike bananas to comment and explain why and then saying, 'Oooh, look- most people dislike bananas.'

I'm not allowed to drive my husband's car. When we drive my car we tend to split the driving but he can be really annoying as a passenger, telling me I'm a bit close to the kerb or breaking too heavily or my gear changes aren't smooth enough. Turns off the radio so that I can hear him speaking properly (it's on for a reason, love.).

When he drives my car he changes the dash display, seat position, radio station and never changes them back. The Bluetooth recognises his phone but not mine.

It's basically a microcosm of our marriage.

Yes, the op asked people who do this why they do it. So of course it's going to be overwhelmingly skewed.

Yes but regardless of this thread, when do you ever hear irl, men saying they hate driving or are anxious drivers? It's really rare.

when do you ever hear irl, men saying they hate driving or are anxious drivers? It's really rare.

Maybe there are just fewer men that get anxious about driving or hate it. My husband will quite readily admit that he hates driving in congested traffic or on loose gravel roads.

@Cambionome

I don't like putting petrol in the car so I don't.

I enjoy driving when I am on my own but when I'm with a man I prefer him to do the work.

Just checking the date... no, haven't time traveled back to the 1950s...

First quote is mine

I don’t like cleaning bathrooms....so i dont

Has that thrown me even further into the 50’s?

I’m fine with driving, I'm a good driver...but I don’t like putting petrol in the car

I don't know @formerbabe. I work in a very female-dominated environment and have no male friends, so they may say this or they may not. I haven't actually got any female friends who are nervous drivers though. My mother is. My MIL is not. I do know that my sister's ex was scared of driving so she had to ferry him everywhere. But anecdata like that doesn't get you very far.

Maybe there are just fewer men that get anxious about driving or hate it

And you don't think it's interesting why that's the case?

DH really hates driving. He would rather waste half a day getting public transport into and out of the nearest large town than drive. We have lived here for nearly 17 years and he still doesn't know his way around town to drive.

I have never met anyone with such a pathological hatred of driving.

And you don't think it's interesting why that's the case?

I really couldn't care less!

I tend to drive if DH and I go out in either his or my car. I’m a better driver and he’s lazy! He also can’t navigate and drive, I can do both.
If we go abroad though, he tends to drive as I’m not as confident driving on the wrong side of the road.

And you don't think it's interesting why that's the case?

Women are more likely to suffer from anxiety in general than men are.

www.nhs.uk/news/mental-health/women-are-more-likely-to-suffer-from-anxiety-than-men/

This is such a strange thread. Why is it so hard to believe that some people just don't like driving or that some people really don't give a damn who drives the bloody car. My dad drove everywhere when we grew up as my mum was nervous and I now drive pretty much every time because I like being in control of the car.
It's nothing to do with the patriarchy goodness me

Sometimes when i read threads like this i have to remind myself that quite often posters who are making more generalised comments probably don't mean me personally

Otherwise i get a bit defensive, which is silly really

Whoops

Should clarify that im not referring to cambionome As I’m aware she was talking about me

Just some of the other posts

Sometimes when i read threads like this i have to remind myself that quite often posters who are making more generalised comments probably don't mean me personally

Ah, see I tend to contest where people try to make sweeping statements and generalised comments wherever I see them if I don't think they've been derived from solid evidence, regardless of where I personally sit on the issue. I think it sets the cause of equality back a bit if you suggest that women aren't capable of making their own choices.