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Original poster

Men driving their female partners car when both travel in it

533 replies

HelenUrth · 11/06/2020 17:57

On my road there are two couples where both the man and woman have their own car, but if they both go out in the woman's car, the man always drives it, also the woman never drives the man's car. One couple is 50s, the other 60s. Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 12/06/2020 08:52

@Lonecatwithkitten

DP loves to drive, I drive as a necessity. If we go out together the person who loves the job does it. I love to cook, he cooks to survive I mostly cook as I love it.
Pretty much this with us. He drives the longer distances because I don't like doing this. If we go out in the evening I drive because I'm not bothered about drinking. Sometimes I drive his car.
theonlywayisapple · 12/06/2020 08:53

@formerbabe

Maybe the women want their DH to drive and it’s not a case that they’re abusing them like your trying to imply

No one is suggesting it's abuse Confused

But you're being quite naive if you think this has nothing to do with male/female socialisation. Read back through the thread...vast majority of posters saying if they're both in the car, the man drives. Most of them claiming they don't like driving and he does. Why is that the case in such overwhelming numbers? Men are conditioned to like cars from an early age, men are conditioned to be in control.. it's all linked.

Bullshit
MandalaYogaTapestry · 12/06/2020 08:53

We currently only have one car (mine, DH's one packed up) and he always drives. I enjoy driving when I am on my own but with a man, I prefer for him to do the work rather than ferry him around.

coronabeer23 · 12/06/2020 08:55

My late DH always drove my car when we went out in it unless it was a quick drop off at the stations it was our family car, he had a sports car for his car and quite frankly I preferred not driving and also he was a bloody nightmare when I did drive and was always giving me “advice”

Tiredmumssquad · 12/06/2020 08:56

Usually if me and DP go anywhere he will usually drive there and I will drive back as he likes a cider. DP is a confident driver I'm a bit nervous so would actually rather he drove.

formerbabe · 12/06/2020 08:57

Its not bullshit...do you really think if this was a forum of men, they'd all say in overwhelming numbers that their wives loved driving and they hated it or were nervous drivers? Honestly, men would not talk like this ..it would be a slur against their masculinity.

Men usually drive because subconsciously they are seen as the head of the household. It's why the man's name is written first on correspondence and letters.

coronabeer23 · 12/06/2020 08:58

I was always insured on any of DH’s cars and he was perfectly happy for me to drive them but I rarely wanted to. He had low manual sports cars and I had automatics with high seating positions so didn’t much enjoy driving his

Aragog · 12/06/2020 08:58

If we go out together then dh tends to drive, even if it's my car.
He prefers to drive and I'm really not bothered. I'd rather be the passenger.
Also means I'm the one who can have a drink, depending where we are going.
Only time I would drive when we are together is if it was dh having a drink.

formerbabe · 12/06/2020 09:00

And in the time it took me to write that, about another four women have posted that they're either nervous drivers or don't like driving...don't tell me it's not a feminist issue. Well phew, thank heavens we have big strong men around to do the dangerous, scary driving for us

carexfairex · 12/06/2020 09:01

Not in our house. When we were a 2 car family I always did the driving, irrespective of which car we were in. Now I still do all the driving as DH no longer has a licence.

headlock · 12/06/2020 09:07

My husband drives if we're going out together. I'm perfectly happy to be driven.

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/06/2020 09:14

Well phew, thank heavens we have big strong men around to do the dangerous, scary driving for us
You are actually quite insulting. I have been driving since 1976, for most of that time I have been single and appreciated the freedom and independence it has given me, I married quite late in life. What is wrong with me doing the things I like and him doing the things he likes, we don't have to refer to cultural norms or societal expectations we just do what we want.

PhoneLock · 12/06/2020 09:16

We have several cars. I use 'my' car for commuting and I drive. Driving in congestion isn't good for my husband's mental health. We tend to use 'his' car for long distances and he usually drives although sometimes we share. At other times we will just use whichever vehicle is convenient or most suitable for the task.

Cambionome · 12/06/2020 09:17

Exactly what formerbabe has said.

formerbabe · 12/06/2020 09:21

What is wrong with me doing the things I like and him doing the things he likes

It's not really about individuals. But if you read the entire thread, do you not find it interesting that so many men love driving and so many women hate it? Yes, you get the odd couple where is the other way round but it's overwhelming the man who is the one who loves it when you read this thread. Why do you think that is?

PhoneLock · 12/06/2020 09:23

Why do you think that is

Another male conspiracy?

HouchinBawbags · 12/06/2020 09:23

I prefer my DH to drive. No real reason except I just don't want to.

Some men are fucking awful passengers mansplaining everything though so maybe it is a sexism thing?. BIL is awful, giving pointers, correcting perfectly acceptable driving when SIL is driving. Kicker is, he doesn't even have a license. Never has done. I haven't really seen many women bothering to micromanage their Male drivers but that is no evidence of anything.

Cambionome · 12/06/2020 09:25

I don't like putting petrol in the car so I don't.

I enjoy driving when I am on my own but when I'm with a man I prefer him to do the work.

Just checking the date... no, haven't time traveled back to the 1950s... Confused

formerbabe · 12/06/2020 09:25

Another male conspiracy?

No just plain old socialisation.

It starts when we buy toy cars for little boys but not for girls

FourPlasticRings · 12/06/2020 09:26

Most of them claiming they don't like driving and he does. Why is that the case in such overwhelming numbers?

Well, the OP asks, 'Does anyone here do the same and would you mind sharing why?' so, odds are most of the respondents will be women who don't drive when their partner is in the car explaining why that's the case. It's not terribly surprising given the question asked. If you want a true representation, you need to start a new poll to ask how many women are generally driven by their partners on joint outings in couples where both drive.

RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 12/06/2020 09:28

we don't have to refer to cultural norms or societal expectations we just do what we want.

I think the point is what we want is shaped by socialisation.

I mean, to be honest, it would be surprising if it weren’t. It’s nothing to be ashamed of but there’s no point pretending that we’re all running about free as birds living our authentic inner selves. We’re influenced by society. Big shocker!

JosephineDeBeauharnais · 12/06/2020 09:31

I drive if we’re in my car, he drives if we’re in his. If we’re going out together we tend to go in mine because it’s nicer. On the odd occasion he does drive mine it doesn’t work out well because he’s not used to an automatic and keeps trying to slam it into gear 🙄 so 9 times out of 10 we drive our own.

FourPlasticRings · 12/06/2020 09:32

Yes, you get the odd couple where is the other way round but it's overwhelming the man who is the one who loves it when you read this thread. Why do you think that is?

Well, the OP explicitly asked for people who split the driving this way to explain why, so it's not terribly surprising that's what happened. It might or might not be representative of the whole population, but you'd need to change the question asked to identify whether that's the case or not.

lightyearsahead · 12/06/2020 09:37

DH would probably drive more than me, I am particularly lazy and prefer to be driven and I am a better direction giver especially if driving oversees. Also I commuted so didn't drive much and it could go weeks without me driving.
However, I am more than capable and do drive if I want my independence.

sanityisamyth · 12/06/2020 09:39

My ex husband passed his test 10 years after I did. During this time, I drove him everywhere, including picking him up at stupid o'clock in the morning after a drinking session with his friends.

After passing his test, he crashed 6 times. 3 of these resulted in writing off the car. He crashed into a motorbike, a stationary mile long queue of cars and a rubbish lorry.

He STILL insisted on driving MY brand new (and much loved) car. He took the wing mirror off and scratched and dented every corner and side of her (the motorbike crash was in her and it gouged deep grooves in the bonnet and two other panels).

Despite all this, he still didn't like me driving, even though I've never crashed!!

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