Things that make you cry with laughter years on

[WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo]

I'll go first having spent the night pissing myself laughing over an incident that happened when I was a kid.

Many moons ago I was left being babysat by my brother, I'd been hiding upstairs, found my brother's Viz stash when I heard shouting coming from downstairs.

Thinking it was a prank I ignored it.

Shouting became more insistent so eventually I went to investigate, tip toeing my way into the living room as my brother was a known and impressive prankster.

Cautiously walked into the living room only to be met by my poor brother lying prone on the floor with our idiot dog locked onto him having a merry old time. I can still see him now humping away 😂😂😂 and dbro lying there shouting 'I've broke me leg, I've broke me leg phone a fucking ambulance' whilst trying to shove off the idiot dog who probably couldn't believe his luck 😂😂😂

(( It turned out he had broke his leg and it was his own bloody fault. He'd left a plate on the floor and somehow managed to skid on it and landed on the brasses we had on the fireplace somehow )) absolute fool and to this day, about 30 years on we'll still lock eyes on occasion and he knows what's coming 😂😂😂

@MamTDM that was exactly it. he was so, so angry at the person who picked up the phone to him.

‘I JUST WANT TO SPEAK TO MR ROLAND BUTTER. HE HAS ASKED ME TO CALL HIM. THIS IS RIDICULOUS’.

‘i’m sorry, this is a bakery’

i bumped into him about 10 years later and reminded him. he laughed but it was a bit forced. still furious.

My friend tried to sneak a fart out in a pub beer garden while sat on a plastic chair. You should never fart on a hard chair. Never ever ever. Its amplified a thousand fold. Everyone stopped mid drink in shock and awe. I still laugh about it 18 years on.

Our cat went through a phase of jumping in through our bedroom window during the night when we were sleeping, she'd then run around the bedroom until we took her to the kitchen where the cat flap is so she could go back outside.

One night DH picked her up and took her downstairs to the kitchen where our crazy dog (who was friends with our cat) was sleeping. DH was on his way back up the stairs when the dog started barking and the was a dreadful clattering noise. At that moment I noticed our cat perched on the windowsill ready to jump in and realised the cat he had just locked in the kitchen with the crazy dog can't have been ours. DH was so sleepy that he didn't notice he was holding onto a completely different cat. He said it was dark.

Our dog was so cross that a strange cat was in the kitchen that he had chased the cat into the pantry and had it cornered. DH grabbed the first thing he could think of (a rich tea biscuit!) to try and tempt the dog out of the pantry so he could rescue the poor stranger cat.

Turns out the cat belonged to a neighbour and it never attempted to gain access to our house again.

Once while out shopping with my sister we decided to sit down for a bit on what were slatted benches. I desperately needed to fart and thought no one would notice because the fart would dissipate through the slats. Well instead, the placement of my bottom meant the fart vibrated along the whole length of the bench! The look of complete and utter disgust my sister gave me was enough to have me crying with laughter. I was too mortified to look at the man sitting on the other side of me. We just got up and walked away.

@MrsJackRackham oh my god, I can't breathe! "Threw him a cigarette"

It's not that funny to other people we tell but me and my best friend used to watch torchwood! At the end of an episode a welsh character says "oh your back". My friend is notoriously bad at accents and tried to copy the sentence... it sounded more geordie than welsh and to this day whenever either of us goes out the room and comes back in we say the sentence and fall about laughing!

As a teenager, my family were invited to dinner by a couple who were friends of my parents.
The woman got very loud and giggly on red wine and her very pompous husband told her to rein it in.
She told him to shut up and threw a bread roll at him and the buttered side stuck to his forehead. We immediately started laughing but soon stopped when we saw how furious he was...really really angry. He got up from the table and briskly march3d out eith the roll still stuck on his head.
It was so awkward that we made our excuses and left.
Once in the car and before driving off we all became hysterical. Mum the said oh no. We looked up and saw them standing at the front door grimly staring at us (minus bread roll) They looked just like the American Gothic painting! Still makes me laugh/cringe now.

Sorry about the typos

Boss arrived at work, had meetings etc then at lunchtime realised she was wearing two different shoes. One was brown and one was black. The worst thing was that she'd done a full commute into London, walked from the station and...the heels of the shoes were different sizes. I had a vision of her hobbling through London with differenf sizes legs and being London no one batting an eyelid.

Second one, walking into the office of a morning (Friday) to pindrop silence except for my boss (different one to the above) on the phone. It became apparent that everyone was listening in to the call. All I heard him say was "it's not Saturday, no". It turned out a junior colleague hadn't arrived so he was checking in on him as per procedure. Colleague who was convinced it was a Saturday was perplexed as to why the senior manager was calling him on a weekend and wouldn't hear of the fact that it was indeed Friday. Boss was desperately trying to make colleague understand that it wasn't the weekend and he needed to get his arse into work. Queue an entire office silently howling/crying with laughter so as not to make it obvious that we were all listening in.

I read something on MN yesterday that made me howl. There was a thread on mares tail weed and how to get rid of it. One poster came onto the thread furious at OP saying "she needs it to keep the flies away". I was actually crying.

The situation wasn't funny, but my attempt to help has become a favourite family anecdote. Not sure if it will be funny in print.... Let's see.

Family wedding and 2 guests are found in flagrante in a bathroom. The man is married. Bride and groom furious (and quite drunk) as they are close to married couple. Groom's sister is close friend to the unsuspecting wife.

Bit of a kerfuffle as the single woman is kicked out of the venue (the married bloke followed shortly after) the groom's sister went after her. I was a (very drunk) bystander who happened to be next to both. I decided to try and stop the sister punching the woman, my logic being she'd get arrested and she's usually a sensible mum of 2. Basically the little tart (and the dick she was caught shagging) weren't worth getting arrested for.

So, it's all kicking off and the sister is moments away from punching this girl.

I got myself in between them and shouted, with all the drama of a scene from the Queen Vic "leave it Sharon, she ain't worth it"

Luckily it worked and nobody got killed or arrested.

I just remember my OH putting his hands on my shoulders and guiding me away from the excitement that had absolutely nothing to do with me 😂

I was dating this total tool of a guy who was prone to angry outbursts - non violent, more sulky teenager but he was in his 30s.
We were in this shop on Oxford Street buying his first ever mobile phone and he was getting really pissed off with the young sales guys, who were talking in techno jargon and confusing him. He embarrassed me so much by being a snappy sarcastic dick to everyone who tried to help.
I ended up apologising (on the sly) to all the staff, made our purchase and left.
He then raced out of the shop and proceeded to scream at me just as a big red bus drove past and splashed his ass wet . I was in hysterics because it was so beautifully done, I tried to apologise for laughing but it was so fecking funny. He then stormed off on me.....
He then had to chace after me because he left his house keys at mine 😂.

Not years on, but today.
DH and i took our youngest out in his wheelchair. Its quite a heavy thing and I was pushing him uphill. Cue a massive fart sneaking out.
DH calm as you like......nice, I actually heard your arse cheeks applaud you there

I remember once, some 35+ years ago, sitting in a pub (The Polar Bear, Spring Bank, Hull ) when someone at our table said something totally banal and I just laughed hysterically for a good 20 minutes - as did everyone else at the table. I have no idea what it was she said or why we thought it was so funny - though I have often tried to remember. I think the several pints of Hull Brewery mild and the fistfulls of magic mushrooms we'd eaten earlier in the day might have had something to do with it but I really would like to know what it was that she said.

This was many years ago when my late Mum was still alive.She lived in a set of warden controlled flats. I drove about sixty miles to visit her midweek,as a surprise. When I got there, she said, I have to go to a funeral this afternoon, one of the ladies where she lived. She said you can come with me if you like. I knew the lady who had died.

So,finally at the graveside, and the coffin had been lowered, and all the people were standing around the grave. Another lady who lived near my Mum, decided to throw a small flower onto the coffin, and bent over and stumbled a bit, and her hat fell off and landed on the coffin, and also her handbag slipped off her arm and went the same way. Everyone was aghast, then a quick witted male mourner ran across the grass towards a couple of men who were cemetery workers who were maybe waiting to fill in the grave.

The men all came back with a long metal pole, and had to fish the hat and bag out of the grave. My Mum standing there said, OMG, I hope they get Betty's hat out, she has paid a lot of money for that hat, and everyone, including the vicar burst out laughing.

I'm afraid I laughed out loud when the hat and bag fell in firstly.

About 20 years ago now, me and my mum went to Manchester by coach with a local choir. We'd gone to watch the concert (not sing) and decided to shop a bit first while the choirs were rehearsing.

We were dropped off slightly outside the city centre. Not knowing Manchester very well, we decided to get a tram to the middle to get our bearings.

So we bought the tickets at the tram stop with my mum's money (we had to scratch round for enough change), tram came along, I jumped on the tram with the tickets, doors shut behind me with my mum still on the platform, a look of horror on her face....

She had no change to buy another ticket, had no idea where the tram was going, and no way of getting in touch with me (this was before everyone had mobiles).... so she had to jog along behind the tram until it got to the next stop and I got off.

(Thankfully it wasn't far and actually if we'd known we were so close to the middle of the city we'd probably have walked!)

I couldn't do anything for laughing - I spent the whole journey on the tram with my legs crossed, with the other passengers looking at me as though I was a lunatic.

When I got off and my mum found me we both had to lean against a lamppost for ages, just howling with laughter. Well, she howled with laughter once she got her breath back!

Luckily she saw the funny side, but she's notoriously bad with directions and said she feared ending up wandering around Manchester for the rest of her life

She took up running many years later, and even now she gets advised to imagine she's chasing a tram to improve her times!

At university I had a bf who loved those sticky donut yum yums from Greggs.

One morning he came back with a bag and left it on the side and popped out of the room. While he was out of the room I took a bite out of one and popped it back in the bag. He came back and made tea to drink with yum yums. When he opens the bag he is livid because he thought that Greggs had sold him a yum yum with a bite out of it. Before I could tell him it was me he's grabbed the bag and marched off to Greggs to complain. I fell to pieces laughing while he was gone. i never did confess to taking that bite and I still chuckle to myself about the whole thing. It's very immature, but I can still the look of disgust on his face "I don't believe this, some one has bitten my yum yum!".

My gran, sitting on a deckchair on the beach in Rhyl, many years ago.I was about nine. She leaned over to pick something up, and she and the deckchair tipped over sideways onto the sand, with gran doing a sort of hooting, panicked cry. Everyone rushed to help her up, while I stood giggling hysterically. People were giving me disgusted glances, but I couldn't stop. She wasn't hurt, luckily!

One of my best and oldest friends told me a story while we were walking to the pub - at the time I had to stop walking and sit down on a wall because I was laughing so much that I lost control of my legs, and it still makes me laugh 10 years on

When we were in our early 20s he would go and pick his mum up from her night shift, first thing in the morning when he woke up. He was known for being a bit of a lazy bastard, so his mum asked him to text her to tell her that he was awake, before leaving the house.

He texted her, got up, got dressed, picked up his keys and went out of the front door, leaving his phone in the house. And as soon as he shut his front door behind him, he suddenly remembered that he had separated his car keys from his house keys the day before. And he had only picked up his car key, so he was now trapped in his porch, between 2 locked doors.

Oh my god I can't even begin to tell you the various twists in this story, that unfolded on our way to the pub, and how well my friend relayed the story to me. My favourite points being;

• the fact that he was within earshot of the landline answering machine and could hear his mother calling to berate him for falling back to sleep numerous times, but couldn't do anything about it
• the fact that he only got out of the situation because while he was sitting there someone came and rang the bell (and got the fright of his life when my friend immediately responded "YEH?" from just inside the porch, and then proceeded to admit that he had crashed into (what turned out to be) my friend's mum's car in the middle of the night. After barely giving the man time to finish his story (which he had probably worriedly been rehearsing all night), my desperate friend was like "gimme your phone. I'm trapped in the porch. I need your phone." and the man slowly posted his phone through the letterbox. My friend had to call his mum to tell her why he wasn't there to pick her up, "...but oh, there's also a guy here who says he's crashed into your car". You can imagine his mums reaction.
• his mum then called her best friend who has copies of some of their keys, to see if she could go round and help. She arrived with 500 keys but none of them worked, so she just posted a banana through the letterbox and went home

By the mention of the banana I had completely lost it. I'm crying now just typing it out! Ahhh thanks for such a nice start to the day

My DH managed to get into an argument with the highly strung owner of a local garage. As he left the man shouted "don't come back!! And tell your friends not to come here either!!" And my DH yelled back "I haven't got any friends!!!"
(We were in a new country and didn't really know anyone)
Always makes me LoL when I remember

@beautifulmonument That's honestly so funny. Something I would say!

JetsetJetlaggedJaded, honestly that is brilliant!

@TheSandman my guess is you were laughing at nothing. I remember doing the same after mushroom coffee during my misspent youth. Just sat in the lounge of my friends student house crying with laughter for no particular reason.

www.facebook.com/viralhumorNET/videos/753192344863094/?vh=e&d=n

My stepbrother sent me this video of a farting goat last week. Not sure quite why I found it so funny but I was actually crying with laughter and could hardly breathe after watching it. DH was just looking at me like