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Original poster

DH answered on my behalf, now sulking!

125 replies

CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 00:46

My 11 year old DD was asking me tonight about the circumstances of her birth. We were talking about pain and childbirth. She asked ‘what is it like to give birth?’

I was about to answer, opened my mouth, only to be silenced by my husband replying ‘it’s scary’ and giving his own account of what it’s like to give birth. I just stayed silent, feeling slightly miffed.

The question was not aimed at him. His reply was not what I would have replied. When I eventually got chance to reply, I said it was ‘exciting.’

After she had gone up to bed, He then started an argument in which he denied having answered a question aimed at me. By this point I’d just forgotten about it. He kept going on about it. I told him I’d clearly been asked a question, I’d opened my mouth and he had replied. He insisted it had been a conversation and he was just ‘chipping in.’ He refused to believe that the question had been aimed at me.

Then he stormed off to bed with a pint of beer in his hand.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
heartsonacake · 06/06/2020 00:50

I think you’re overreacting and making an issue where there needn’t be one.

Sure, he didn’t literally give birth, but he was there and he can give his account of the event too, just as you can give yours.

His answer doesn’t invalidate yours.

Smallsteps88 · 06/06/2020 00:51

Why on Earth didn’t you put your DD straight? “Dad is telling you what he thinks it’s like to give birth, he doesn’t know what it’s actually like because he has never given birth. This is what it’s like....”

TenShortStories · 06/06/2020 00:53

I suppose your DD is the only one who knows who she aimed the question at. Of course you are the obvious and only person qualified to answer but that doesn't mean she thought of that! Why didn't he answer with 'let's see what your mum says it was like' if he really thought she was aiming it at him though?!

I'd be more bothered about the stropping around and sulking and picking a fight though. Is your relationship like that generally?

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Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 00:54

Well probably because he was giving quite a long account and I was sitting there musing at how on Earth he could answer and why he’d jumped in to answer on my behalf.

He was on the other side of the room, DD and I were sort of snuggled up in the corner

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 06/06/2020 00:54

Well while he obviously has experienced having a child of his be born he cant possibly tell her what birth is like so really even if it had been a conversation you were the one qualified to answer that particular question imo.

You wouldn't expect the spouse of a surgeon to answer a question of what it's like to operate?

Thepigeonsarecoming · 06/06/2020 00:54

I think you are massively overreacting, he sounds like he was just answering her question from his own perspective. As much as I hate the term “we gave birth” he sounds like he thought the question was aimed at both of you and just innocently answered

Unless you’re going to drip feed him being controlling on a normal basis then YABU

Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 00:56

He tends to sulk, yes.

He would deny it though. He absolutely cannot be criticised and would get cross and leave the room if criticised. Or he would go silent and I wouldn’t know if he had heard.

OP posts:
Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 00:58

Bit no, he’s not controlling. And I’m not drip feeding.

OP posts:
Somethingkindaoooo · 06/06/2020 00:59

Pretty sure your DD knows your husband didn't give birth to her...

Icanflyhigh · 06/06/2020 01:00

Sorry I think you're over reacting too.
He just told it from his point of view.

Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 01:02

Fair enough.

Next time she asks him what it’s like to do his job, I’ll reply 😂

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 06/06/2020 01:03

I’d probably have burst out laughing as soon as he started mansplaining childbirth.

timeisnotaline · 06/06/2020 01:06

Hmm I’d be mad too. I’d have responded at the time I think! Now on the one hand it’s unnecessary to go over that conversation again topic wise but I’d want my dd to understand men shouldn’t talk over women when they don’t have the direct knowledge. So I’d probably catch her today and say what daddy answered yesterday is just his impression from watching darling, he didn’t give birth. I would always remember that re men’s opinions on giving birth- they are the chicken not the pig! And tell them the difference between the chicken and pig for an egg and bacon brekky - the chickens involved yes but the pig is very much committed.

Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 01:07

Mansplaining!

Yes, that’s what it was. That was why I was so miffed.

Like a man has the right to reply to a question aimed squarely at a woman.

To be clear, my daughter was sitting next to me, she looked at me and asked. He was reading a book probably 10 metres away, obviously engrossed, not part of the interaction until that point.

OP posts:
Pumpkintopf · 06/06/2020 01:10

I don't understand why he was the upset one who picked a fight with you when he was the one who was clearly in the wrong and insensitive?

Smallsteps88 · 06/06/2020 01:11

It’s odd that he jumped into answer in these circumstances. Given that he very definitely couldn’t give the answer.

Is he the type that doesn’t like the limelight on you?

Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 01:13

No, not at all. He’s neither controlling not bothered about having the limelight on him.

He definitely doesn’t like criticism though. And he tends to get angry and flounce off.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 06/06/2020 01:15

If he does it a lot I’d have sighed and said. And that’s not what it was like at all.

Was he a bit drunk or something?

He sounds crap if he gets into regular sulks and you can’t say things which he perceives as contradictions to his authority. Do you curb your own responses to accommodate his ego?

Actually he just sounds like an idiot.

Smallsteps88 · 06/06/2020 01:19

In that case I’d draw a line underneath it now, but keep an eye on him doing it again. And address it with him if it does.

Also try and get a chance to speak to your DD about it so she has the right version of what it’s like.

Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 01:21

He doesn’t do it a lot. He had had a beer or two, but not very drunk.

He does drink a lot, generally. In the past he’d regularly get very drunk to the point of slurring words and bumping into walls. Mainly when the kids were younger. His family were big drinkers.

I do curb my responses, yes, when he’s had a drink. Not because he’s violent or aggressive, just because I can’t be bothered with the inevitable argument/sulking.

OP posts:
ChocolatelyAsFuck · 06/06/2020 01:24

Men don’t have “a point of view” on what it’s like to give birth.

Original poster
CountessFrog · 06/06/2020 01:26

Ha...oh but they clearly do!

OP posts:
NudgeUnit · 06/06/2020 01:47

Surprised at people saying you're overreacting. Men telling women how birth is or should be is at the root of centuries of bad obstetric practice. I wouldn't be happy about a daughter of mine being taught so young that pregnancy and birth is something to be feared and controlled, and I would have been swift and vocal about nipping it in the bud actually.

Ratbum · 06/06/2020 01:50

Tell her. Just tell her.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/06/2020 01:51

I would completely have cut him off. He has no idea what it's like to give birth. He has his own perspective of watching it, yes.

I'll be honest, nothing you've written makes it sound like he's a decent man to spend your life with.

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