I haven’t got time to fucking sunbathe!

[AlwaysDancing1234]

PIL’s popped by unannounced today (to say hello to kids from the driveway) and MIL said “ooh you having a nice day day sunbathing”. NO I’M FUCKING NOT!

I’m working bloody hard 9-10 hours each day from home whist homeschooling the kids, doing all housework etc. I’m exhausted. DH and I have told PIL’s this but they still seem to think I’m at home doing nothing. I had to end a call with a colleague due to MIL persistent doorbell ringing.

WIBU to tell her to fuck off next time?!

Limpshade Peope find lockdown hard for many reasons. I have two family members who are strugging right now, neither have dependants or money worries.
My 86 yo mother ives with us, her and I are amicable, but never been particularly close. She spends most days at pensioner clubs, church social groups, meetig friends. She thrives on many friendships and lightweight banter. Right now her mood is very low, feels she has no point in her life right now, and spends most of her day in bed, wondering if she will live long enough to resume any kind of normal life. She can't even get to the supermarket as she is in a vulnerable group.

You think she does not find lockdown stressful?

OP - I’d feel just as noted as you. My PILs response to this whole COVID19 thing is to dance and skip around about how wonderful it is (They do spend all their time in the garden) and My MIL even had the nerve to text our family girls group (me, her daughter and other daughter in law) to say what a unique opportunity this is to spend more time with our children. Is she f*ing kidding?! My child is 2. My husband works full time. I work part time. I’m a clinical nurse specialist but it’s a national service (work in a specialist children’s hospital) and can do most of my clinics from home on the phone. But still have to work! So am actually either working or looking after my child. No difference in time spent with my child. My husband is having to squeeze his full time job in to part time hours as we can’t leave our two year old to watch telly all day so if one of us is working, the other has to look after our child. So he works til really late at night, through the weekend or puts in 4 or so hours from 5am just to be able to get his work done. It’s been a nightmare to be honest. In fact, it’s my husband who gets to have more time with my child. She has chosen to have no understanding of gender politics economics, society psychology, basic humanity and 100 other things.

Her own daughter is a head teacher, working all hours, and her other DIL is a full time stay at home mum to 3 children 7, 5 and 2. So really bloody hard work right now.

There’s nothing “holiday” about this and certainly no time for sitting sunbathing. Your MIL sounds delusional like mine. I haven’t worked out how to not get pissed off with them all time and let stuff go... when you do please tell me the secret.

Even if you did explain to them (which you have been) deluded people will never hear or get it so for your own sanity you’ll need to work out a way of letting it go over your head.

She sounds like a moron.

My mother on the others hand (73, over 10 years older than her) was crying down the phone they couldn’t help me any more. In no way saw it as one big holiday as they knew how hard it would be because having no child care and still working to any normal person would sound like a nightmare.

@Limpshade - I have struck home haven’t I? I reiterate that you had absolutely no need to comment on your ILs financial situation. It’s so typical of ageist comments ‘you old people don’t understand how hard our lives are.’ Don’t you ever stop to think we’ve been there, done that and got the T Shirt?

As for me needing an occupation? I’ve just got home from a night shift in emergency theatres. I hope you enjoyed being tucked up in bed.

Your MIL might just have been teasing you, but you so clearly have an issue with her that you’re looking for faults. You say ‘they seem to think’ - how the hell do you know what they think? Have you asked them? You say they wanted to see your children- is that such an unforgivable crime? My parents were both dead by the time my youngest son was three years old and their loss was a sadness for my boys growing up. They missed them very much.

I’m just so relieved that my three delightful daughters in law are not like you. We don’t ‘pop’ round. I’ve not seen my grandchildren since February because I know they’d want hugs and kisses so it’s better to keep away for now - but it hurts.

In terms of financial security, my husband and I struggled to go through training in our professions, police and nursing, while we raised three sons with just two years between each. We scrimped and saved, worked overtime, juggled childcare between us, working contrasting shifts so that one of us could be home when the other was at work. So, frankly, if your ILs are anything like us they’ve bloody well earned the right to be content in their later years without you pouting your mouth because they don’t have money worries. That is none of your business and not relevant to what you are moaning about.

You have no idea what they might be worrying about! They might be frightened for their futures. They might have health worries that you know nothing about. They might dread possibly ending up in a care home. It might not have crossed your petty mind but they might even be worried about you and your family.

So, yes, you are either ageist or you just don’t like your ILs.

My mil asked if I was going back to work for “some pocket money”. I am a solicitor 🙄

@Lincolnfield

Wow, I really don't think my short, lighthearted original post has warranted your accusations that I am "ageist", "petty minded" and must have spent the night "tucked up in bed." You have no idea what I do for a living or where I spent the night. You have no idea about my relationship with my in-laws or whether they "pop round" uninvited. The only person making assumptions (and lets be frank, making stuff up) here is you! Yes, when you unjustly accuse someone of something, you probably will put their nose out of joint. You sound pretty offended yourself.

Of all the posts on MN (and all the comments on this thread!) I am not sure why my brief post has offended you so much but I think that probably says a lot more about you then it does about me. Please find someone else's cage to rattle, I'm out.

@Limpshade - apologies. I was confusing you to some extent with the OP who feels the need to tell her ILs to fuck off!

Put it down to exhaustion or possibly an age thing! 😉

@speakout I didn't say older people don't find lockdown stressful. I said MY IN-LAWS don't find it stressful. Scratch that, I didn't say it at all - THEY DID!

My elderly gran lives on her own and is awaiting a hip replacement that was cancelled before lockdown so is not too mobile and very low also. But that has nothing to do with what I said (which was a lighthearted comment on OPs original post) and neither does your post.

I'm not sure why I'm being singled out today, especially when I see some genuinely moaning comments on here but I am going to have a big sigh to myself and bow out.

for context, to point out that they had no money worries as well as no job or dependants, so of course they would not find lockdown stressful. We, on the other hand, have jobs to fear losing, a mortgage to fear not being able to pay, and two toddlers to juggle

Limpshade- why "of course" they would not find lockdown stessful?
Is it only people with a mortgage, todders and job worries that do?

My dad asked my partner to round and (socially distance) help him with something in the garden ‘since he’s working from home’ I was like well he can but it will be after 5 as he’s actually working not just taking the piss...you IL’s wouldn’t turn up to your work so they shouldn’t interrupt you at home

Ooooh OP AlwaysDancing
Whattodo amd Schef

That's would give me the Rage!

This
You should have answered the door with, “I was on a work call and that was incredibly rude”.

You could send a text to them that says polite version of below and put a note in your door by doorbell that says

"This is my office. I am busy working. Do not disturb. Please do not ring at my door between 8-6 unless you are delivering a parcel for this address"

Sorry, your update posts OP hadn't downloaded on my phone. I can see you've put a note in the door since! (Add a post-it that says YEs it applies to family!)

I'm not surprised your comments about poor DH are frustrating you. Is he lapping it up or would he put them straight that you're working hard WFH as well as homeschooling/ caring for DC ?
It's all rather belittling.

You've done well not to reply with 'Don't poor DH me, even he acknowledges I'm working far harder and longer from home for my busy job than he is in his quiet office, as well as I'm juggling taking care of DC at the same time.... it's unreal that you ignore that and keep disturbing my work. It's been noticed by my manager and I've been instructed to ask you to stop interrupting our meetings" Out- boss her!

*their comments about poor DH ...
stupid phone

My lobely MIL has just undone all her hitherto good work. I rang her at lunchtime today and we were talking about my returning to the office.

"Have you enjoyed your holiday from the office?"

I despair!

I thought of this thread today. Am working flat out. DH is homeschooling/doing childcare. SIL texted him late yesterday to ask if they could take gap for one-on-one sibling time this morning as her DH and DC would be out. As things are complicated with BIL etc, we thought there might be some kind of crisis as obviously otherwise why would she ask? I rearranged a few things informally and we agreed DC would be on iPads as needed for me to work so that he could see her....

He came back at lunch time. No, she just felt like some time together as she had a gap.

Now obviously, she didn't specifically tell him that it was a huge crisis - we rather jumped to conclusions there - but the two of them spent all afternoon together on Saturday while walking the dogs. It didn't even cross her mind that asking might be inconvenient. And yes, of COURSE we could have said no, and probably would have if we'd realised it was just a general chit chat, but I'm still annoyed at the cluelessness. Sure DH can go out for 3 hours on a week day and Bling will just manage her job (the only one bringing in an income right now) and the homeschooling etc. Argh.