I haven’t got time to fucking sunbathe!

[AlwaysDancing1234]

PIL’s popped by unannounced today (to say hello to kids from the driveway) and MIL said “ooh you having a nice day day sunbathing”. NO I’M FUCKING NOT!

I’m working bloody hard 9-10 hours each day from home whist homeschooling the kids, doing all housework etc. I’m exhausted. DH and I have told PIL’s this but they still seem to think I’m at home doing nothing. I had to end a call with a colleague due to MIL persistent doorbell ringing.

WIBU to tell her to fuck off next time?!

Having to quickly jump on or off a call is a normal work thing, even more so now we are all WFH. I'm sure it barely registered to your colleague. Don't get yourself worked up over a small thing.

No idea who you work for @ClaudiaWankleman but it certainly would not be with my employer. Far from it. Although some allowances are undoubtedly being made in this odd situation that many of us are in right now, most of us are still required to remain professional with dealing with work situations.

I hear you op!

I answer the door whilst on calls and most people mime to me what they need (it's usually delivery or payment so easy enough). If it was someone coming to visit unannounced I'd carry on the call and leave them stood there (yes I'm rude but I don't do people just turning up!)

My family keep arranging family zoom calls and get offended when I can't attend because I'm working

I've always worked from home so this isn't a new thing for me, I've made peace with being selfish and ignoring the naysayers now.

I’m laughing at this idea of telling the person you’re on a call with to hold on while you answer the door to your mother in law! My SIL works for a transport company. If she is dealing with a problem about a bus of passengers having just been hit by a car (which she did deal with last week), I’m not sure she could just say “hold on my MIL wants a chat”.

Nobody at my work would interrupt me if I was on a call unless it was an emergency.

YANBU - I've had this a few times from older family members - "Oh isn't it lovely you're at home during all this nice weather" or "I expect your garden will be lovely this year with all the time at home you've had"

In reality I'm working from home far more hours than I normally would as a lot of what I do takes twice as long when done remotely plus doing all the household tasks the cleaner would usually do (thankfully she's starting back this week) plus the weekly food shop has changed from a quick 20 minutes on a Sunday night to do an online order to being far more time consuming to either hunt for a slot and find stuff in stock or head out to the supermarket if there are no delivery slots to be had.

In the real world, the garden has gone to pot, the house looks like a bomb's hit it and I've barely been outside apart from a quick walk each lunchtime to get a break and some fresh air as I just don't have the time.

I do however count my blessings that my children are now (practically) grown up - I just don't know how parents of school age children are managing.

One thing which is going to emerge from this crisis is the resentment felt by those who had a tough and stressful time of those who sailed through it and were basically able to have an extended holiday.

Yes! I am trying not to get snappy with people, God knows it wouldn’t be fun to be furloughed while worrying about redundancy or retired and living alone and really lonely. But FFS next time someone sends me one of those heartwarming memes about how good it is to have a break from our usual hectic busy lives I’m going to bite them. (In a socially distant way ofc.)

Some people are a joke there is always stuff to do around my house at work or not

I think it does tend to be the older generation who have assets and pensions who are finding this easier albeit have the stress of the worry about the virus and age, it can cause problems when others are put under a lot of stress to basically, keep the older people safe and when they then go on about how easy it all is that can just add to the tension.

I mean easier financially

I would probably challenge MIL quite publicly if she interrupting you at work.
She's not a child and if she's ringing door bells then she's all out sabotaging your livelihood by making a mockery of you in the process.
If she's going to act like a child I would probably answer the door with "is this urgent?! You seem to care very little about ensuring that I can provide food on the table for my family. I am not telling you again, I am at work. Go away."
Be as rude as you have to.

Very annoying . I have a friend who works in the NHS (Occupational Therapist and working very hard) but she keeeeeeps mentioning in the group chat 'as I'm still working...', 'enjoy the sun girlies, gutted I'm still having to work', 'what are you guys doing with your time off?' And posting pictures in the chat of her in her face mask saying about how hard it is to still be working whilst its sunny and we're all 'out having fun'. ALL OF US ARE STILL WORKING!!! Just from home. Also, we're in lockdown, we arent out having fun! One works for a logistics company and at the start of lockdown was frantically managing freight of food and medical supplies. She seems to think only hospitals and supermarket workers are still working!

Should also add I count my blessings I still have a job as I know this must be a terribly worrying time for those already redundant or worrying about that as a possibility.

I feel your pain.

My dad's very poorly at the moment and won't get better (non Covid), so as I've been able to work from home since lockdown I've been more or less shielding so I can go round and help care for him.

Every time I take my laptop, I get the evil eye and arsey comments from my mum about 'You shouldn't have come if you didn't want to bother with us'.

She just cannot grasp that whilst I can and want to be there to help out - we have carers in for washing etc but throughout the day if he needs things, food/drink, help with toileting, pain relief etc - it's a lot of up and down stairs for mum, I also have to work remotely.

I’m afraid I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from telling her she had interrupted a work call and please not to call around unannounced again unless she was purposely trying to cause disruption.

I don’t feel annoyed with those on furlough - they didn’t choose it after all. I do think that everyone I speak to that is working, is working far longer hours to cover their furloughed colleagues. It’s not easy for either group but we just need to respect each-others difficulties.

The sunbathing comment just shows how ignorant some people are to the whole situation at the moment. "Fuck off" is probably a bit extreme, but I understand how frustrating it is when others seem to think you have all the time in their first world. (Had a very similar problem with my own mother when my youngest was little - she thought phone up for a half hour chat when I was busy with DS, in fact she expected me to ignore DS for the half hour that she droned on ).

You and your DH need to establish boundaries with your PIL. I would make it clear that during the week neither you or the DC are available for socialising. You need to concerntrate on work, the DC need to concentrate on their school work. If they are just thoughtless but reasonable people they will accept this.

My MIL soon stopped popping round unannounced as I saw her car out the window and ignored her every time.

You must nip that in the bud - no excuse for it in this day and age.

GoldenOmber yep I hear you.

"I don't know what all the fuss is about with lockdown, we're finding it really easy!"

That's just being a self absorbed twat though. I have it easy, housewife, no living kids, no money worries and spending lots of my time reading a book in the sun. That doesn't mean that I don't understand that for the vast majority of people the lockdown means survival mode, trying to do 48 hours of stuff (job, kids, housework, education) in just 24 hours.

I had from FIL "Well its so wonderful, sitting in the garden, never had all the time before, just that feeling of not having to be anywhere or do anything" then goes on and on like this for quite a while (have started cutting down calls which were to check they are coping OK as it is starting to grate a bit) Plus they do have the time etc previously as well just chose to do stuff. Now they have started on their hobbies and want help with that as well

It is weird how so many people seem to think that if you're not going into work, you're furloughed and having a great time. Little awareness of people WFH or how furloughed people are coping.

My neighbour, bless her, couldn't understand why the garden centre was packed (well, long queues etc) on the weekend but empty on Monday. I pointed out that the people going on the weekend are all the people who are still working and actually have jobs and income while the people on furlough probably aren't dropping a whole lot of cash at the moment. In her head, if you're at home you're a) furloughed and b) just chilling out and having a good time. Sigh.

I am self employed and what drives me mad, even outside covid, is how many people seem to think I can have long calls or go on long walks with family or friends during the day. There are days I am on the phone practically the whole day or constantly responding to emails - I simply don't have time for a 30 minute chit chat with my sister.

@BlingLoving that’s the other part of it, after a day on video calls, I don’t want to be socialising with family and friends on even more video calls.

I’ve really had to pull back and say that I need some space to decompress after work & it just feels like work. Some have taken it well, others don’t get it.

@MaverickDanger I don't want to speak to anyone! After breaks/lunch I work 7.5hrs and I spend 7 of those on the phone, doing around 150 calls. If someone rings me I'm "go away"

MintyCedric sorry to hear about your Dad having to carry on working is not a choice but a necessity and some people just don’t get it sadly.

@AlwaysDancing1234 thanks.

In a weird way it's lucky it's happened now as I work F/t in a school so would struggle to take time off otherwise, but, yeah...it's a bit shit on the whole.

MIL still thinks DH is hard done by

You said in your OP that your DH and you have explained to them already. He evidently needs to do so again, more forcefully.

Can you tape a note on your door saying that you're working, please do not disturb, and something like 'deliveries can be left in the porch' .

ErrolTheDragon

DH conversations with PIL are very far from him talking forcefully so they take no notice! If I be a bit more stern I am the mean one.

I’m over it now, just at the time I was really fed up as it’s been a hard few days (weeks) and I could have done without her snarky comments!