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Original poster

I haven’t got time to fucking sunbathe!

139 replies

AlwaysDancing1234 · 02/06/2020 20:45

PIL’s popped by unannounced today (to say hello to kids from the driveway) and MIL said “ooh you having a nice day day sunbathing”. NO I’M FUCKING NOT!

I’m working bloody hard 9-10 hours each day from home whist homeschooling the kids, doing all housework etc. I’m exhausted. DH and I have told PIL’s this but they still seem to think I’m at home doing nothing. I had to end a call with a colleague due to MIL persistent doorbell ringing.

WIBU to tell her to fuck off next time?!

OP posts:
SurreyHillsGirl · 03/06/2020 09:00

I'm really busy with work but I don't give two hoots if anyone thinks I'm sunbathing, who cares!

Cool your jets, life is easier when you stop being so ANGRY about everything.

catspyjamas123 · 03/06/2020 09:03

It’s a complete lack of respect for you - particularly as a working woman.

I’ve worked anti-social hours for years which means some people assume I am lounging around in the daytime. Then at night when they are tucked up in bed I am working and coming home in the small hours. Some family members have complained I am “a workaholic” or maybe “having fun” when it’s just my hours are different. I was/am doing this to support the family and was always the main earner before I divorced.

Now I’m WFH. Neighbours are furloughed and think I am free for random drinks or communal gardening when in fact I am working on a weekend or bank holiday. Thankfully I don’t have random relatives calling round. What is insulting is people don’t realise how hard you are working and also (before my divorce) always assumed it was just “fun” while the man is “earning the most”. He never was.

I was expected to work hard and then do all the domestic stuff - it’s too much and there is a total lack of respect.

middleager · 03/06/2020 09:07

A new friend who is the parent of my son's friend and who is currently not working, called round at 5pm yesterday to drop something off. I answered the door with the laptop and she seemed really surprised I was working "as late as 5" Hmm

Last week she texted at 4.30 to say could she pop by now. I'd already said I was working so not sure why 5pm is a shock.

Another furloughed friend wanted to go for a walk when the kids finished their school work at 3pm, so she could oversee any work etc. I explained I am at work then so couldn't just go for a walk at 3 and my teen DC don't finish at 3 anyway. They've had a relentless workload.

I have some important video meetings later. I couldn't just hang up while the doorbell.goes as PP suggested.

Prior to this, I would wfh 1 day a week, but it was only parents who might interrupt, as friends would be working.

SomeBunnyovertheRainbow · 03/06/2020 09:08

It is not nice for people to suggest you are not busy when you obviously are. Lots of people don’t “get” working from home, even my husband will comment on how I don’t really have much to do.

BUT I don’t think it’s a big deal to say “I’ve got to go as there’s someone at the door” or “Can I call you back? There’s someone at the door” We are all working from home in u usual circumstances with other people around, children, pets, and it is expected that these things will happen.

I’m not saying you should stop work for MiL but you can at least take a minute to answer the door and tell her you are busy / on a call etc.

Drivingdownthe101 · 03/06/2020 09:10

when you are physically at work are people never interrupted or have co-workers stopping you working?

My colleagues would never interrupt me when I was on a phone call, no. That would be incredibly rude.

SomeBunnyovertheRainbow · 03/06/2020 09:13

Also with neighbours popping around, I think this is ok if it’s for 10 mins or so. In the office, colleagues who work in different offices pop down to talk to me occasionally, people chat in the kitchens.

It is a good thing to maintain some social interactions.

Likethebattle · 03/06/2020 09:23

Having to quickly jump on or off a call is a normal work thing, even more so now we are all WFH. I'm sure it barely registered to your colleague

I would be in trouble for coming off of a department call for any reason other than an emergency!

m0therofdragons · 03/06/2020 09:25

I’m working long days (nhs) and have 3 dc to home school but at weekends we chill. I cleaned the bathrooms but house needs hoovering, I sat in the garden all Saturday drinking tea. Previous weekend we’d converted a room into a study for dh as he’s working from home so I made sure I had a day to relax. It’s all about priorities. Don’t be so dramatic, it’s nice weather and they were making small talk.

SomeBunnyovertheRainbow · 03/06/2020 09:26

I would be in trouble for coming off of a department call for any reason other than an emergency!

Don’t you or any of your colleagues have children to look after? I don’t think they can always be made to wait and many employees are conscious of this.

thepeopleversuswork · 03/06/2020 09:27

I don't have a MIL thank God but I've had similar from furloughed, PT or SAH friends:
eg: (actual examples)

"Why aren't you spending every day in the park?"
"Why is [DD] looking at Minecraft when she could be crafting/building a den etc?"
"Surely you can take advantage of this relaxed environment to get more done in the house?"
"Here's a link to a really good home-schooling project you and DD can do tomorrow."

One thing which is going to emerge from this crisis is the resentment felt by those who had a tough and stressful time of those who sailed through it and were basically able to have an extended holiday.

I do understand that people on furlough or out of work are not necessarily having a great time of it and certainly can't be blamed. But I do think its incumbent on people who are relaxing in the park all the time or doing lovely cuddly craft projects with their kids to exercise a bit of judgement before opening their mouths to judge us wage slaves for allowing our kids to watch TV while we desperately struggle to keep food on the table.

CMOTDibbler · 03/06/2020 09:33

We don't live close enough for anyone to pop round, but neither family (and a surprising number of people in general) ever got the idea that DH and I, when working at home, are working just as hard as if we were in an office all day. And though we might have a little flexibility in the day to go for a run etc, thats because it works both ways and we are expected to be available at all times in the day.
On the call, yes, if I'm talking to my boss or one person in the immediate team we would all answer the door for a parcel quickly (or currently to tell a child to get on with their work), but should I have told a team in a hospital needing my advice to hold on? A regulator? No - because its like us being in a meeting room, and someone wouldn't come into there to give me post.

ErrolTheDragon · 03/06/2020 09:34

Having to quickly jump on or off a call is a normal work thing

I wfh all the time anyway,(fortunately the people I know seem to realise that I do work!) and no, it's not really normal to have 'social' interruptions from adults. In these times, small children requiring attention are a different matter entirely, of course.

when you are physically at work are people never interrupted or have co-workers stopping you working?

When I worked in an office, the norm was for people to assess whether the other person was focussed on their work and if so leave a note or send an email which the colleague could respond to when they were available.

Sparklingplasters · 03/06/2020 09:36

I get it, I invited people for lunch, specified “lunch break” and after two and half hours I had to say that I needed to get back to work, then I worked and extra 1.5 hours at the end of the day and didn’t get dinner until gone 9pm.

If people turned up I think I would get my laptop out after a while.

Jaxhog · 03/06/2020 09:36

Welcome to my world! Having worked from home for the past 16 years, this is bloody common. Working from home seems to be interpreted as skiving. So people think you are always free for a chat or to do errands or take in people's shopping/parcels or anything really, because you're not actually working after all.

Wearing headphones is a good idea - I do that too. But you may have to be firm about not answering the door to 'friends' or relatives. It takes a few times before they get the message. But they will.

TimeWastingButFun · 03/06/2020 09:36

Tell them nicely that between X and X you're working/home schooling and can't come to the door then arrange a day/time for them to come, make it clear you want to do that by arrangement in future.

Artartart · 03/06/2020 09:38

We lived with my parents for a bit a few years ago. My partner has a fairly senior civil service job. My parents just didn't seem to get the working from home thing. That he couldn't always deal with work men or answer the door due to chairing meeting etc. How old are they? I feel like I've come across a bit of this with my parents generation. Would piss me off if you're doing this and homeschooling!!

Jaxhog · 03/06/2020 09:42

I think some people are getting confused between furloughed (not working) and working from home (working hard) and assume if you're at home that you have lots of free time.

ClaudiaWankleman · 03/06/2020 09:42

If it's not a normal thing then the managers/ directors of large businesses that I work with are clearly out of step.

Jaxhog · 03/06/2020 09:45

Don’t you or any of your colleagues have children to look after? I don’t think they can always be made to wait and many employees are conscious of this.

Easy to say, but not much help if you're chairing the meeting.

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/06/2020 09:49

Thank you for all the replies, sorry can’t reply to all individually.

Yesterday was just the straw that broke the camels back (I wouldn’t really tell her to fuck off although I want to!)

It was the 10000000 comment in a long line of snidey comments. “Poor DH” has to go out to work while I sit at home. No actually he does go to his place of work but freely admits he’s not doing much. I on the other hand work almost twice as many hours, I earn a lot more and look after kids and run household. MIL still thinks DH is hard done by Hmm

OP posts:
Xenia · 03/06/2020 09:53

I would always understand having been a full time working mother of 5 including working from home (although with childcare - without that I could not do it; I would lock the door and nothing would interrupt it). I know exactly how hard it is for people and I really do think most parents/grandparents know too but obviously not in this case.

The sooner the state either opens schools fully or provides free of charge or subsidised people who can come to the house from 8 - 6 to do the home schooling/childcare whilst parents work from home the better. A lot of parents are now hiring people to come to the house to do the childcare but that is very expensive.

notchickenagain · 03/06/2020 09:54

I can't help with the mil problem but I'd leave the housework/cooking etc for dh to do when he gets in. Especially as he admits to not doing much at work.

YourVagesty · 03/06/2020 09:54

I sympathise OP, I'm in the same boat and it's maddening. None of my neighbours seem to take it in that I'm working flat-out. I've barely had a day (or even an afternoon) in the sun since lock-down began.

Shuttup · 03/06/2020 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

m0therofdragons · 03/06/2020 09:56

I’m the one going to work while dh works from home with 3 dc - I’m definitely the lucky one in this equation although I’ve had friends make me feel crap about “abandoning my dc in the pandemic”. At first I really struggled but now I’m totally over it and dc are doing brilliantly.