Tonight I am packing a suitcase while my heart aches

[bloodywhitecat]

And I have a huge lump in my throat, you see the case I am packing is the case of 3 year old Dear Foster Child and all being well DFC moves in with their new family at the end of this week. We have shared a year together, a year in which the terrified child who hid at every sound, who wouldn't say 'Boo' to a goose, who wouldn't ask for food but would guard it has become a more confident, funny little person. The child who was terrified of other children and would freeze, rooted to the spot if another child came near is popular at preschool and frequently says "My friend xxxx".

I have seen DFC with their new family and it is absolutely the right thing for them but my heart is breaking just a little (and please don't say "I couldn't do that, I'd get too attached", the whole point is you do get too attached. How else could you parent them?).

Selfishly I am dreading the day they go because I can't even have a hug from a friend but I know this is the right time for this to be happening for DFC.

People like you are bloody brilliant and we need so many more of you!

I take my hat off to you 😘

@bloodywhitecat

Yes, I forgot to say we will get updates and even be able to stay in touch if DFC wants to as it is becoming more recognised that it gives children who have been in DFC shoes a sense of past to stay in touch with people who have helped to raise them.

This makes me so happy as so often I see the same mistakes being made now as when I was a child in the 70's and 80's. My new FC wouldn't let me stay in touch with a couple I had spent time with and had days out with. About eight years ago I finally got back in touch with her and she is so important to me. They never stopped thinking about me and thought they would never see me again. We live a long way from each other but speak a lot on the phone.

@SunshineCake I had a similar experience in the 60/70s and that forms part of the reason I wanted to foster in the first place. I am glad you have been able to reconnect, the past forms a huge part of who we are and is incredibly important.

What a wonderful person you are xx

*@bloodywhitecat Just a shame she's in her 80's so worried I won't have her for long and then I'll be alone again.

@sunshinecake You won't be alone. She showed you love and care, and you loved her. It went deep. You never will lose it because it has become part of you. You will be terribly upset when she dies. But it isn't at all the same as her never having existed. She will keep you warm and make you smile for as long as she lives in your memory.

That is so lovely *@20mum and if you don't mind I will cut and paste your words to help me when that horrible time comes ? Thank you.

I read this with tears in my eyes.

Thank you for being amazing x

Take some beautiful photos and put them with the ones you have in a special folder with mementos of the DFC, like pictures they have drawn for you. Make it you special memory book. Cry you eyes out. It's a good release. Then think of the wonderful life this child will have with her forever family and how lucky she was to have you in her life to guide her away from bad memories, and into the light of a good future.

You're absolutely amazing OP.
Virtual hug from me. You're very brave to do this.

You have changed that child’s life forever op; it’s absolutely wonderful