Tonight I am packing a suitcase while my heart aches

[bloodywhitecat]

And I have a huge lump in my throat, you see the case I am packing is the case of 3 year old Dear Foster Child and all being well DFC moves in with their new family at the end of this week. We have shared a year together, a year in which the terrified child who hid at every sound, who wouldn't say 'Boo' to a goose, who wouldn't ask for food but would guard it has become a more confident, funny little person. The child who was terrified of other children and would freeze, rooted to the spot if another child came near is popular at preschool and frequently says "My friend xxxx".

I have seen DFC with their new family and it is absolutely the right thing for them but my heart is breaking just a little (and please don't say "I couldn't do that, I'd get too attached", the whole point is you do get too attached. How else could you parent them?).

Selfishly I am dreading the day they go because I can't even have a hug from a friend but I know this is the right time for this to be happening for DFC.

How lovely, op. Thank you. Sounds like you've made a huge difference to that child's life.

Do you get to stay in touch with your foster dc?

Big, big love. You're one in a million.

I wish you'd been my FM. Mine was shit. I had three main ones and one was lovely, one was abusive, one was okay. Still scarred by it all.

How wonderful to read a nice post.

What an incredible gift you gave that child. You're a very special person.

At some point, no matter what age, we all have to let our little ones go. It's a new life for them now and one which will hopefully be beautiful. You have to trust that they're going to a good place. I genuinely hope that they are. Well done for the work you've done over the year and the confidence you've given them.

Reading this with tears in my eyes. You are amazing, you have shown them how to be loved ready for their forever family and that is incredible.

What an incredible beautiful lady you are x

What a spirit lifting wonderful thing to read, I'm in awe at what you have given her. You're a great person xx

I am a social worker and I thank all the fates for people like you.

Thank you all , I feel humbled by the kind words.

@justforthecake The transition has been done mainly via video calls with some face-to-face meetings as the DfE are keen that adoptions should not be delayed because of COVID-19. So things like morning and bedtime routines have been done over Zoom calls while other meetings have been done in wide open spaces away from others. DFC has been to their new home with me (adults carried out good hand hygiene and socially distanced but the child didn't) and we all self isolated in the run up. Both parties have letters stating that we are doing essential work and a lot of work has been done around risk assessments. I was apprehensive (< understatement) but seeing how well it has gone it is the right time and a delay for an unknown length of time could've done more harm than good for DFC and their family.

I thought this story was going to be about yet another twattish husband acting like a twat .... but wow you have touched me ( and I have a heart of stone! )

A suitcase full of love
Thank you OP

I can only add my vote to the support for the change you have made in this small person's life, and my wish that the forever family are worthy of you both.

💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💐💗💗💗💗for what you’ve done.

From a former children’s services social worker - thankyou xxx

I'm crying, hard. You're amazing and I wish we could clone you!

What contact/updates will you be able to have?

People like you make the world vastly, vastly better than I suspect even you can imagine.
You're the best OP.

Choked up reading your post. I'm sure your kindness and love is a lifelong gift to this little one. I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.

There was a series a while ago on TV about foster carers. So much of it has remained with me and this thread has reminded me why - such purity of love from a vital band of individuals/families.

Sending you a huge hug. The job you do is a very hard one. I wish you the very best over the next few days. Take care of yourself and do all of the things that you need to honour the work that you have done, to recognise the importance of the humanity of your feelings and to be thankful that you are an amazing person who can feel these feelings. I am so sorry you are not able to get the hugs you need from your friends and I hope you will find the space you need to meditate, to journal, to sing, to cook, to walk, to paint, or whatever it is that allows your soul to heal.

Yes, I forgot to say we will get updates and even be able to stay in touch if DFC wants to as it is becoming more recognised that it gives children who have been in DFC shoes a sense of past to stay in touch with people who have helped to raise them.

You have changed this child’s life. That is amazing. You are amazing! I bet this little person will never forget you.
Big hugs 🤗

They also say that the first five years are pivotal, so you got your little bundle in a critical timeframe. Her forever family now have the opportunity to also be pivotal in framing her future. So that she can become the best version of herself that she can be.

I know there are a lot of positive foster stories but part of my job ( working with older kids) is to support when a foster placement has broken down, often with a lot of trauma involved.
Your post has made me really happy, although I am sad that you are sad.
You have made a huge difference to a child.

You’ve done an amazing job