Tonight I am packing a suitcase while my heart aches

[bloodywhitecat]

And I have a huge lump in my throat, you see the case I am packing is the case of 3 year old Dear Foster Child and all being well DFC moves in with their new family at the end of this week. We have shared a year together, a year in which the terrified child who hid at every sound, who wouldn't say 'Boo' to a goose, who wouldn't ask for food but would guard it has become a more confident, funny little person. The child who was terrified of other children and would freeze, rooted to the spot if another child came near is popular at preschool and frequently says "My friend xxxx".

I have seen DFC with their new family and it is absolutely the right thing for them but my heart is breaking just a little (and please don't say "I couldn't do that, I'd get too attached", the whole point is you do get too attached. How else could you parent them?).

Selfishly I am dreading the day they go because I can't even have a hug from a friend but I know this is the right time for this to be happening for DFC.

You've given the child roots and wings OP and are amazing

I have friends who foster. They love it, but it breaks their hearts when they leave to go to their new parents. They keep doing it though because they love to see the little ones change so much and blossom. Op, you're amazing

What a lovely lovely person you are OP.

Oh my goodness, incredibly hard. You've taken her pain and left her a happy soul but it's tough on you. I hope it all goes well and that you survive it, will you take on another?

If it can reassure you somewhat, dd's best friend in primary school was adopted. I can tell you that she is one privileged little girl, with parents and siblings (also adopted) who adore her. The family regularly took dd with them to their holiday home, to concerts etc. (more affluent than me). With God's blessing, this little one will find a fabulous home and you may read about her in newspapers or something in future and you can say 'That's my little baby'.

Thank goodness for you and other foster carers. Any chance you could adopt your next DFC?
So selfless an act - you're inspirational!

I’m in tears.

You are amazing! His new family is amazing.

There are not enough brilliant foster parents, not enough adopters, and too many damaged children.
That's why, when people take it for granted that they will have a baby, or another baby, or even go to great lengths to get i.v.f., I often wish they might consider the already born, unwanted, who need them. (Despite being the inferior option simply by having incorrect genes.)

OP, you are AMAZING! I cried reading this.
Like @Dontforgetyourbrolly, I was expecting this to be about a terrible husband, but you just made my night!
Thank you for everything you do, it’s so hard but know that you’ve changed the world for the better

New family must be utterly climbing the walls until they can get their baby home! Gosh, what an emotional rollercoaster.

My lovely little cousin became part of our family at 6 months old (officially adopted on her 1st birthday), she is still in touch with her foster parents at 7 & loves her Aunt & Uncle (what she voluntarily calls them) so much. My beautiful, 21 yo, niece is the woman she is thanks to her foster family, her life could have taken a very different path. She's getting married next year & is having her foster Dad, DH & her Grandad walk her down the aisle. Please know that what you really does mean something, not just to the child but to their families (in our case adopted & blood) so much.

What a beautiful thread.

You are amazing , OP. We need people like you.
I hope you stay in touch with little one and family.
Thank you for what you do, it is immensely important.
And thank you for sharing - your story and your love.

Your first post just oozes love, compassion and kindness. I am sorry that you’re hurting but without that hurt there wouldn’t be any of those other worthy qualities. I am thankful there are proper like you in the world.

*people

Thank you OP - this is an amazing thing you have done, and to be so clear on what is best for DFC. and a big, unmumsnetty virtual hug.

@TimeWastingButFun We have DFB (7 months old) and as soon as we are ready we will have another DFC.

@VenusTiger We (DP and I) are both late 50s and feel that fostering is the thing we want to do, we love our fosterlings very much but we feel that if we adopted we would have children the same ages as any grandchildren we might have in the near future. (Although DP gets mistaken for granddad while people ask if I am mum when we are out with the kids! He hates it as I am older than him).

It is wonderful to hear of successful adoptions, thank you.

What a wonderful thing you've done for that child. The world needs more kindness.

Your post made me teary OP. My brother and I were fostered when we were little. Thank you for all you do 💐

@BernardsarenotalwaysSaints Your post gave me goosebumps, thank you for sharing that wonderful story of success.

You should feel sad at them going, it shows that you were exactly the right person to look after them when they needed someone the most.
Well done you !

People like you make this world a better place. Thank you for what you do. Sorry you’re hurting.

What a beautiful thread to read. I have an adopted sibling & grew up thinking it was the most normal thing in the world. for doing such vitally important work. Your little DFC sounds wonderful.