My DH is on a work Zoom, and OMG the 'jargon'

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

Scrum teams
Scrum master
Scrum of scrums
Cadence
Enterprise level agile
Continuous integration pipeline
We can drill into that later
Operate at scale
I'll drive on and we can circle back
Acceptance test driven development
Decomposition of requirements
Just to land that point on the ground
Chain of tools

That's just the last three minutes. Safe to say I have no clue what's going on there.

This is him

www.instagram.com/p/B_9_qPjnk9b/

I quite like 'scrums' now, having hated the rugby/machoistic tone of it to start with.

I think it evolved from meetings being 'quick and dirty' which, tbh is preferable to strung out and nit-picky.

I also prefer 'sprints' to 'milestones', just because they sound quicker (which I guess was the purpose of the term).

I think your DH and his team are making new Business Jargon Endless Meeting Bingo Cards - you're going to be rich!

I've just got off a stand-up call with a client full of phrases about scrums, stories, rallies, and sprint planning.

I worked with this same client years ago before they started using Agile, and it all works so much better now they use it. They're actually answerable to customers now, which is good when you're the customer.

I'll listen to pretty much anyone say anything for $50 an hour though.

Chain of tools
The Cabinet?

Well, I'm off now, I have to catch up with some blue sky thinking whilst using an agile throughput motion to drive progress forward, maintain cadence and ultimately circle back.
I'm going for a walk

Isn't a black Americano no sugar just a black coffee? deliberate irony or not?

@SuckingDieselFella

OP if your husband starts saying we are where we are and it is what it is, leave him immediately.

This. WTF!!!???? Who on earth thought that had a place in business/work?

I keep hearing it from younger graduates. The thing is it invariably comes up in situations that aren't predetermined or beyond remedy, that's what I don't understand. It is irrelevant in those circumstances.

It is what it is. No, it isn't, that's the problem.
We are where we are. No, we're not. We are not even close.

Does it mean I don't actually care less? Stop bothering me?

@Oakmaiden

But "drilling into" is probably management bollocks meaning "have a look".

I think it is generally used for looking deeply into data - in the sense of "data mining" when you are looking at fuckloads of random seeming data to try to find the nuggets that are important.

It's all very phallo-centric in nature, isn't it?

When working a lowly audio technician, I had to deal with a buzzword boss showing off in front of a potential client - one I knew socially and was far better at audio engineering than I ever would be.

Buzzword Boss asked a question in a way that attempted to show that they were an expert and I was just there to keep the place tidy whilst working out my redundancy period.

I smiled brightly and answered using every single technical word, acronym and shorthand possible.

The client loved it. And was quite grateful that I had told them the equipment was screwed, the structure was screwed, the ridiculous constraints the manager had imposed would make what they intended to do with it literally impossible and that they were being sold a pig in a poke before they threw half their capital behind it.

@thatsallineed

don't forget to dive into the granularity on that.

Laters.

Listen to the divine Aretha instead. Chain of Fools. Wonderful song.

Think this is bad? I have had three calls this week about the 4th industrial revolution .

@AllIMissNowIsTheSea

Isn't a black Americano no sugar just a black coffee? deliberate irony or not?

I don't know whether I should correct you or if that will make me sound even more up myself.

Just saying 'black coffee' risks receiving a filter coffee, which I don't like as much as a proper americano (double shot espresso topped up with hot water). When I'm ordering in a cafe I always say 'black' because otherwise they leave lots of room for milk. I added the 'no sugar' part to my MN name to make it clear that it is my coffee order in case anyone thought I might be a black, Spanish-speaking American man.

Yes, I'm totally up myself about coffee. Don't even get me started on how hard it is to get my preferred coffee bean for home brewing (monsoon Malabar, in case you're interested).

Ridiculous. Who started all this? What's wrong with plain English?

One of my favourite management games is 'which management book have they been reading now'

I used to work in a place where we never had to guess because a couple of times a year one of the VPs would read a management book (eg. Don't Eat The Marshmallow) and then we'd all have to read it and workshop it and come up with ideas of how to use it to improve our performance.

Except that right after that particular meeting they tried to get me to book a bunch of next month's sales (it was month-end) into this month... We had them all, Good to Great, The Yellow Bus, Snoop, Black Swan and my particular favourite Who Moved My Cheese... My suggestion that the rather man-heavy-in-positions-of-power company take Why Nice Girls Don't Get The Corner Office as our next book was rejected for some reason

@GreyGardens88

The same people who did Growth Mindset, I'd bet.

Psychobabble masquerading as knowledge.

You gotta be in it, to win it.

I was on a zoom call this week with important Managers. I'm a minion really.

Anyway, I was making a good point when I suddenly became overcome. I was sweating, felt sick and thought I was going to pass out.

I said, I'm really sorry but I have to go and I'm going to be sick.
I clicked 'Leave'

I knew I couldn't move more than a couple of feet before I threw up.

My office is the spare bedroom.

I crawled to the bed and proceeded to dry heave and then puked for ages.

My Manager called me on my mobile to ask if I was ok.

I said I wasn't and sorry for leaving the call. She said, you didn't leave the call.

My vision was blurred and I didn't click the button properly.

Very embarrassing but I can see the funny side

"Chain of tools" seems to sum up the participants.

testing

Most of those make sense to me. Some do sound like bullshit but Agile Project Management is a really useful approach.

Oh dear, my job is bullshit!

NRTFT but this is meeting is about a software project of some kind. Now off to scour the updates for "pigs and chickens".

@serenada we don’t call them “tech bros” for nothing.

Imagine being the only woman (at 50) on one of those calls (that last bloody ages btw)

I constantly have to use the mute button to cry in anguish

@MyBlueMoonbeam if he’s looking for staff please PM me and I will send my CV!

@Gothamgirl1970

We're in Ireland - not sure if that works for you 😅

That’s brilliant! Reminds me of train guy 🤣

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