My DH is on a work Zoom, and OMG the 'jargon'

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

Scrum teams
Scrum master
Scrum of scrums
Cadence
Enterprise level agile
Continuous integration pipeline
We can drill into that later
Operate at scale
I'll drive on and we can circle back
Acceptance test driven development
Decomposition of requirements
Just to land that point on the ground
Chain of tools

That's just the last three minutes. Safe to say I have no clue what's going on there.

@Dollywilde the toddler is kinda killing the vibe 😂

scrum is probably project management in some sort of IT deployment... ?

What a load of pretentious hogwash - my DH is the CEO of both a telecoms software company and a GDPR compliance company and I have never heard him use any if those phrases & he works from home on a regular basis 🙄

What's a black swan event? Virtually all of this is gibberish to me!

Florriepeck got there before me, that's what I was thinking!

If you don't know what he does, and he can't explain it to you like you're 5, there's a good chance he doesn't know either and is covering up his confusion with management jargon...

Has he cascaded any details yet?

I’ve come to realise in the last 10 weeks that DH is extremely loud and also does all of this jargon bullshitting too. He’s had to go to the office today and the silence is golden bliss!

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

Revolution starters The burning platform

(They're slowing down now.)

Brilliant!

Are they by any chance a bunch of middle-aged guys who liked Prodigy back in the day and think they're twisted firestarters?

Does he work for the PR agency from W1A?
inews.co.uk/culture/television/w1a-nonsensical-quotes-520267

Sadly , I understand every expression In the OP’s post

I'd like to make it clear again that it's not my DH saying any of this stuff, and frankly I'm disappointed that you think I would marry this sort of bullshitter.

The call has finished now and DH has admitted that it was also mostly just a stream of disconnected words to him too.

We used to have great fun playing bullshit bingo in NHS management meetings. Our organisation merged with another and seriously, the whole of the other organisation communicated like this. It's all bollocks to make people feel clever and exclusive.

I'm properly laughing out loud.

DH used the word platitudinous at Wanker's Volume during a meeting the other day. All remaining crumbs of desire for the man congealed. Just say 'overused' FFS! Say it in your Important Voice if you must, but platitudinous? Is that even a word?

@DKanin

What's a black swan event? Virtually all of this is gibberish to me!

The guy said "Black Swan event like Covid-19", so I'm guessing it's an unexpected, negative event.

Has anyone said that they’re “coming at this with an open kimono”?

Sounds like software project management - Scrum, agile, Cadence, continuous integration, acceptance tests, test drive development, tool chain...

But "drilling into" is probably management bollocks meaning "have a look".

I prescribe good quality noise-cancelling headphones. Or a bingo card.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

Facilitate the room I don't think the genie is going back in the bottle They don't have to speak it like Shakespeare wrote it

Facilitate the room = shut up

I don't think the genie is going back in the bottle = some stupid arse blabbed about it and now everybody knows. Anyone got a number for Tony Soprano?

They don't have to speak it like Shakespeare wrote it = They are semi-literate halfwits. Lower your expectations accordingly.

@MrsSchadenfreude

Has anyone said that they’re “coming at this with an open kimono”?

No, and also, WTF? I doubt that it's a euphemism for flashing, but it sounds like it.

I think he may be on a call to my other half. Sounds exactly the same convo haha

Ha ha!

My husband is a structural engineer and I now know he talks about ‘slabs’ a LOT.

Every time I ask DH about work he's either:

"Absolutely stacked"
"In back to back meetings"
Or "Restructuring" some part of the business (i.e. sacking people)

Don't know why it grates on me lol

My DH sounds like this on his zoom conferences. It blows my mind

My lodger's WFH and doing lots of Zoom, and words like 'agile', 'drilling into' things, 'parking' and 'facilitating' are very common. She knows her job (or at least the talking about it) involves a lot of bullshit though

Has anyone said that they’re “coming at this with an open kimono”?

I use cadence on my peleton

@Tdaadfb100 yes, this is exactly like it!

platitudinous

Absolutely it is a word! And isn't it the perfect word for all these?