Were you forced to clean your plate as a child?

[AtaMarie]

And what effect (if any) has it had on you as an adult?

As a child I had to clear my plate, even if it made me feel sick. There are certain meals I still can't eat as I remember sitting in front of them and trying to eat them for ages after everyone had left the table.

As an adult I struggle with binge eating - I just can't feel satisfied until I am on the brink of feeling sick.

To be clear, I know I can't blame my childhood forever, I am just trying to unpick my terrible relationship with food and wondered if anyone was the same.

Yes as a child we had to clear the plate and I'm a binge eater now given the chance.

In our household now the rule is that it's fine to leave something but if you don't finish supper then there's nothing else, no second option. I will apply discretion though.

We were allowed to help ourselves so there wasn't the same need to keep eating to somebody else's appetite. But we were encouraged not to take more than we could eat and there wouldn't be other things to eat if we didn't like what there was (this was about finances, not punishment).

I remember mealtimes as insistent on good manners but quite relaxed: my parents weren't tense around food. None of us have developed eating disorders.

I was forced to clean my plate, up until the age of 9, but it had the opposite effect. Having to eat food that made me gag turned me off food. I was a healthy weight but very tiny throughout the rest of my youth. It wasn't until my mid 30s that i discovered the joy of food. And yes, now i eat too much!

I thought my parents were strict (certainly a lot more than all my friends’ parents). As small and picky children we knew we had to clear our plates - I spent most Sunday afternoons for years poking cold soggy vegetables about - and had reheated plate brought out at breakfast & next dinner time occasionally. Gagging was “rude” but I really couldn’t help it! I suspect I wore my parents expectations down a bit (threw up a few times, was happy not to eat what I didn’t like, so got quite skinny, and who actually wants to sit with weeping/moping/fidgeting children at one end of the room every evening?!) and eventually (about 11) we were declared old enough to not have to eat more than a good mouthful of our absolute worst dislikes, and we didn’t get served any more than we’d be likely to eat. It probably helped that we got one treat (cake or biscuit) when we got in from school, and that was it - certainly no helping ourselves, until late teenage years for my younger sister, and I still don’t help myself to anything but tea when I go round.
Junior school lunchtimes we weren’t allowed to leave lunch hall until a reasonable amount had been eaten etc...
Saying that, my parents (mum actually quite picky herself - certain foods she’d never eat, cook or serve!) do enjoy their food, and both stressed the importance of a healthy varied diet. The “clear your plate” message was very much delivered through a desire to see us eat ‘well’ or ‘properly’ when they had a tight budget (and maybe in mum’s case with a bit of badly hidden “I cooked this lovely thing for you, and you turn your nose up at my hard work”).
But somehow I’m a non-fussy, food loving, enthusiastic cook, with pretty good eating habits. I have always challenged myself to try things I wouldn’t buy to cook myself when eating out - it’s amazing how many things I didn’t like at home were delicious when cooked by a decent chef (or just not to Dad’s well done tastes)! It’s only really when eating food friends have cooked that I feel the need to clear the plate when it’s more than I want. I definitely can over eat, and eat even the (very few) things I really detest and cover it well. Occasionally I catch myself having “just those last few mouthfuls” of something I’m enjoying, but I am getting past this (DH’s NOT impressed by my tubs of leftovers cluttering up the fridge - still not good at throwing away edible food, but at least I don’t eat it if I’m not hungry!) Since uni I’ve been on the slim side of healthy. (Boarding school was a one option establishment, but there was a tuck shop so I just filled up with junk on days I didn’t fancy the lunch or dinner. I’d say that unlimited chocolate and biscuits, when hungry, varied by the odd pot noodle and microwave burger had a worse affect on my eating habits than plate clearing ever did. I still automatically turn to chocolate when I genuinely prefer savoury leftovers, and have to consciously avoid having too much sweet stuff in the cupboards, because eating a multipack of chocolate bars or a whole packet of biscuits seems quite normal.)

My friend was forced to finish her plate as a child and now always leaves something left on her plate as an adult, even if she’s not completely full or is really enjoying the meal. I think it must be a feeling in control thing.

No. Was a naturally skinny child and picky eater so regularly encouraged to eat 'a bit more' (depending on what I'd eaten) - but clearing the plate wasn't the goal. No issues with food and much greedier now - but try to stick to Mary Poppins' mantra 'enough is as good as a feast!'

Not at home but at school and when I was in hospital as a child. I don't know about 'cleaning my plate' exactly but was pressurised to eat most of it. It was a nightmare! When mine was at school and had school dinners I always impressed upon him that nobody has the right to force anyone to eat if they don't want to and that he'd have a decent meal at home later. However the practice of pushing kids to eat what they hated seemed to have stopped by then, thank goodness, and the food was better. None of that brown mince/stew stuff that looked iike you know what, swede and stinking boiled cabbage that we were dished up.

I had to clear everything on my plate. I'm now the least picky person ever and will eat anything.

Yes! I never feel full up after eating. I let my children choose when to stop eating.

Yes if I got to pick how big the portion was. We each chose how much we wanted. I had a small appetite. Not when I had no choice such as a restaurant, even child portion might be too big.

I was forced to clear my plate, I remember being in tears at most meal times. I was approaching anorexic in the 6th form as I had more control over food aside from dinner time, I know for a fact this was a result of it. I lived round my dps house for a while in my early 20’s, where there was no pressure to clear plates at all... I actually burst into tears there once as I didn’t like my meal and thought I had to eat it
My mum has tried making my kids clean their plates, and also on occasion has said things like “you’re naughty as you left this, your sister is good /my favourite as she ate it all” etc etc. I won’t let her treat my kids in that way and I defend my kids as I was unable to as a child myself...
I don’t make my kids clear their plates.

Not RTFT but forcing kids to clean their plate is cruel and overrides the natural settings kids have to stop when they are full. It’s why a lot of us are overweight as adults as we were taught to override that feedback. Breast fed on demand babies know when to start and stop.

Like kids sit up storage until you teach them to slump on a sofa.

When they were younger I expected my DCs to try some of each food item on their plate, they couldn't just say 'I don't like it' without having tried it first. If they didn't like it then they could leave it. Now I expect them to eat what is on their plate but they choose how much is on their plate. The exception is if it's a new recipe and then they have to try it unless it's something vile like oysters

We were. My mum was a child during the war and it was the way she was brought up - I imagine that when food is in short supply and even the most basic food is strictly rationed, you just don't 'waste ' food. And of course, as young (by today's standards) new parents, my mum and dad followed what was familiar to them. I vividly remember the sitting with a plate of spring greens in front of me for over an hour. When I didn't eat it, the plate was removed and I was sent to bed. At tea time, I was allowed downstairs, where I was faced with the same plate of food - cold spring greens and congealed gravy. And for breakfast the following day. That was a regular occurrence and I remember my sister having the same meal served up for two days on one occasion.
Unsurprisingly, we both have severe weight issues and even though we have both managed to lose weight at times, it almost inevitably goes back on, plus extra. Even now I find it almost impossible to leave food on my plate - I feel intensely guilty for doing so.
I made damned sure that my own children were never made to eat everything and if they didn't like something, I never made them eat it. I'm pleased to see that my DS and DIL take the same approach with dgc as well. Hopefully, dgc will have the same, healthy approach to food as my dcs do.