Were you forced to clean your plate as a child?

[AtaMarie]

And what effect (if any) has it had on you as an adult?

As a child I had to clear my plate, even if it made me feel sick. There are certain meals I still can't eat as I remember sitting in front of them and trying to eat them for ages after everyone had left the table.

As an adult I struggle with binge eating - I just can't feel satisfied until I am on the brink of feeling sick.

To be clear, I know I can't blame my childhood forever, I am just trying to unpick my terrible relationship with food and wondered if anyone was the same.

I remember being forced to clear my plate when having school dinners. I hated any type of milk pudding and was made to sit and finish rice/ tapioca puddings, gagging all the time.
To this day I cannot abide any type of milk puddings and even the smell is enough to make me gag!

No, never made to finish what was on my plate or even eat any of it if I didn’t want to. I never binge eat or have any understanding of people who try to control the amounts or what their child eats because I’ve only ever seen it backfire once they are an adult.

Was forced to finish meals, one notable time to the point of being sick. Relationship with food isn't that bad now, although I am a picker. Still can't eat large amounts in one sitting, don't think I'm physically capable. Have a strong Action when partner tries to make elder child eat a large amount in one go and she doesn't want to

I remember not being allowed to leave the table until I'd eaten everything - even though I had no control over portion size or what was on the plate. I really don't like beans, any type of beans, it's the texture. But was made to sit for hours trying to force down the overcooked and grey broad beans which were the only thing my mother could grow, and grow she did in abundance! They were on every fucking meal. I was sick a couple of times and told off for being dramatic.
She still says I'm dramatic because I don't eat beans, and that I do it just to prove her wrong (I'm 41!). Recently I've realised that my poor relationship with food is rooted in my poor relationship with my mother, and that it isn't and never was about the food, it was about control.
I'm known as greedy now, since being in control of what I'm allowed to eat, because I do eat large portions of the stuff I like. Maybe because I'm 'trained' to eat everything, but now choose stuff I like, I eat it all.
I'm a lot better at self regulation now, I have small portions even if I'm really hungry, and go back for more half an hour or so later if I want it.

I never was but DH was and he has issues with binge eating. I agree with PP it was considered the norm back then and considered "good manners" whereas research has shown that it teaches children to ignore when they are full as they are expected to continue eating, fuelling an obesity problem. There was an article that looked at a study with people who appear to be able to eat an unhealthy diet and yet still remained thin. They followed their eating habits for a month and it turns out that while they appear to be the type of people who can eat anything and stay thin, they actually have an internal appetite regulator. So the day they binge a massive McDonalds, they would in fact eat very little the next day to balance the calories (without realising they did it).

We were, we were very poor, but it was done for control rather than a lack of resources.

It made eating scary and stressful, if it was given to you, you had to eat it. We would be given far too much and forced to eat it, I would often be sick when eating but I would be forced to carry on. I have type one diabetes, my mum would refuse to give me insulin if I had been sick at my last meal, I was always going between very high and very low blood sugars because of that.

I’ve had bulimia most of my adult life (now fairly well controlled) I’m orthorexic I think a lot of that is from having so many issues with blood sugars as a child.

My son doesn’t have to clear anything, if he eats one mouth full or a full plate that’s fine. Now he’s a bit older (5 in June) he often chooses his own portion and is generally fairly accurate. The only rule is no pudding if he hasn’t eaten more than 2-3 mouthfuls of dinner, otherwise his diet would mainly be oreos!

Yes, my siblings and I were forced to eat everything and unfortunately i was a very picky child which resulted in horrendous mealtimes and sometimes violence. I'll eat most things now due to my having to eat everything.

I'm currently overweight but have been underweight many times during my life too. I'm struggling to lose weight at the moment as am binge eating. Can't seem to find a balance currently.

I have DCs and I never force them to eat anything they don't want to and if they leave things, that's their choice. One of my children is very fussy and stubborn but I don't want him to have my childhood and instead encourage him to try things but never force. I prepare healthy food and respect my DCs decision not to eat a food they don't like. DP is not in agreement with me and thinks they should eat everything on their plate, yet he leaves things he doesn't like and so I consider his argument as void.

Yes and I have grown up with a massive eating issue - I am very overweight and have no will power. I have had a bit of counselling and it seems I have an issue with anyone trying to control what I eat - including myself!

Like some others on this thread, I have sat at the table for what felt like hours as a kid with some cold hideous slop in front of me. I have had it heated and served up again the next day. It didn't help that my Mum was a terrible cook and my Dad didn't get home from work in time to cook. It pisses me right off when I see what nice food they eat now that my Dad is retired and does most of the cooking!!

It's so fucked up. My parents tried to pull the same shit with my DCs but I was hyper aware of it and was really careful not to make an issue out of any food concerns. Both my DCs are pretty relaxed with food and neither over or under eat.

No. You either ate what was on your plate or went hungry till the next meal, no snacking allowed.

I'm a short adult (under 5ft) and as a child was tiny and skinny. My mum thought I would grow more if I ate more. Cue large plates of food that had to be cleared. Couldn't even leave a single pea. I wouldn't have minded if I'd put the food on the plate myself, but she'd done it for me. What I did have, however was issues with food texture (as does my autistic son). Over boiled root vegetables anyone?? A lot of her cooking made me gag.

I'd say as an adult I'll eat almost anything and I'm not especially fussy but I think I do overeat (am mildly overweight) and am inclined to clear my plate, and it all stems from this.

My parents grew up in the war so i understand the sentiment of not wasting food to a degree. My mum I'd say is obsessed with food. If we eat there, which is rarely, she'll still try to pile plates high. And she is obsessed with giving the kids chocolate (think carrier bag each of easter eggs at easter).

No, I had a healthy appetite and liked eating. I still do I've never had an issue with food, I eat what I want and if I don't feel like a meal I don't have one, last night I cooked for DH and I had fruit. On Saturday I had fish and chips, huge portion and I loved it. I think what my parents did was let me listen to my own body and know what I needed but who knows?

Yes and I find it impossible to stop eating till I feel absolutely wedged. It's horrid.

They followed their eating habits for a month and it turns out that while they appear to be the type of people who can eat anything and stay thin, they actually have an internal appetite regulator. So the day they binge a massive McDonalds, they would in fact eat very little the next day to balance the calories (without realising they did it). I think that is me!

I don't think I was ever made to clear my plate. I do though have certain foods that I don't like because of their texture and I've been this way since childhood.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that with me my food habits don't seem to be anything to do with outside influences.

Yes. My Mum had little money and was herself a post war baby and my Grandparents had (with hindsight) real issues with food. They had been hungry during the war and never really got over that.
I was made to eat food I didn't like and eat more than I wanted to. I've been bulimic as a young woman and still struggle with stopping eating when full
I don't blame my Mum or Grandparents as I think they were genuinely anxious about food. But I do think that forcing children to eat, even by tactics such as making sweet things conditional is setting them up for a lifetime of eating problems.
My eldest SD was a slender child, with quite a few issues with food when I met her. This worried her Dad a lot and he tried many different tactics to get her to eat. None worked.
Eventually we stopped, as the trying was increasingly counter productive.
So, what did work? Offering food she liked, removing all conditions and rules. Biscuits, sweets and fruit were always freely available.
All stress taken out of mealtimes. No praise no criticism no comment on food eaten or left.
DD has similar food preferences and we've mostly taken the same approach. DH still worries a bit.
But, all 3 of our kids are a healthy weight make good choices about portion sizes and are gradually adding to the range of things they like.

I was forced to clean my plate by my mother. As a result, I developed restrictive eating as a sort of "fuck you". Only just getting over it now, aged 39.

Yes and I hated it. It's one of my worst childhood memories.

As a child yes and as such I'm not a fussy eater. However I clearly remember having roast pork for school lunch, not liking it and being forced to eat it. To this day I can't stand rost pork. The smell knocks me sick. However as a teenager my dad restricted food a lot as he was paranoid about our weight, which resulted in me over eating when food was available as I was worried it would vanish. Took a long time but I beat those feelings and only eat when I'm hungry now and till I'm full. I would never force DS or DSD to eat something they didn't like, however I do give them incentive by what they get for pudding if they eat 3/4 of their food. If they clear it or eat 3/4 they can have a sweet. If not they get a yoghurt. DSD is more of a fussy eater than her brother though and I do tend to make her food I know she will eat

I was. Parents both post war and grew up with rationing so waste was a sin. Sat at table until plate cleared.
I started developing a weight problem at age of 9. Still have it at 46. I have lost weight in the past but always feel miserable with hunger. My parents were far more relaxed with my brother who was allowed to eat what he liked. He is tall and slim.

Yes I was even foods that I really couldn't stomach.

I developed an eating disorder later on as a teen, I think as a control mechanism (was the only thing in my life I could control - life was pretty shit).

As a parent, I do not force my children to clear their plate, they stop when they have had enough, I don't force the eating of things they don't like, they can have more if they want it or they can leave if they have had enough. I do try to cater to everyone's needs and wants regarding food.

I am also fat now , but think that is because I am lazy and use food as a comfort now (rather than a punishment like I thought it was growing up).

We were always told to clear our plates or we would get it for breakfast. Me and my brother are both over weight adults who always clear our plates.

Yes unfortunately. It is now a hard habit to break!

I used to leave crusts of bread under my plate and of course they were found!

Also would have to sit out in the garage to finish a meal I hated. Often wished I'd chucked it in the freezer but it would have been found!

Yes and I have disordered eating too.

I have vowed not to be the same with dc - although I hear myself channelling my parents sometimes!

No, I wasn’t, meal times were quite chilled, the only rules being you had to eat at least some of the veg but my mum always made sure there was some form of bread we liked and that you must remain at the table until everyone was finished, or if it was a meal where my parents had people over, they said we could get down from the table as sometimes they’d sit there for hours after the meal chatting.
So you would expect I would grow up to have a good relationship with food. I Don’t. After a brief (but v severe) period of bulimia, I became severely anorexic, maintain a bmi below 12.5 for over 10 years.
I have no doubt that the best approach is to promote children trying things and of course teaching good table manners but not forcing clear plates. But that’s no guarantee that a healthy attitude to food will be the result.

Same experience as Quibblewibble - clear your plate or you can have it for breakfast. Vividly remember getting served cold liver and onions for breakfast one day because I refused to eat it the night before.

I have a really bad relationship with food now.