Were you forced to clean your plate as a child?

[AtaMarie]

And what effect (if any) has it had on you as an adult?

As a child I had to clear my plate, even if it made me feel sick. There are certain meals I still can't eat as I remember sitting in front of them and trying to eat them for ages after everyone had left the table.

As an adult I struggle with binge eating - I just can't feel satisfied until I am on the brink of feeling sick.

To be clear, I know I can't blame my childhood forever, I am just trying to unpick my terrible relationship with food and wondered if anyone was the same.

We had to finish every last scrap on the plate, I hate fat on meat and was told off for trimming fat off a pork chop or roast lamb. I have big food issues now as an adult and am very overweight

No. And I've grown up to be a rather piggy adult.

No, thank God, and I grew up in the sixties and seventies when that attitude was common. I never insisted on clear plates with my DC either, one is fussy but none of them overeat. They all have a healthy off switch in relation to food, as do I.

I had a friend with DC the same age as mine. As toddlers and small children she'd insist on them clearing their plates and make them stay at the table until they had. It made me feel really uncomfortable actually. It was awkward getting our DC together for tea because mine were allowed to eat what they wanted and get down from the table while hers were not. We're no longer in touch, but I do wonder if it had a lasting effect on her children.

Yes. I vividly remember being forced to finish something by my dad who sat and watched me until I had to run to the sink to be sick.

I still clear my plate to this day. If you put it in front of me I will eat it.

I am overweight.

@SarahAndQuack

I honestly couldn't tell you when they started doing it. It was the way for as long as I can remember and still is if I got for a meal at their house. Sorry I can't be more helpful.

It was always presented to me as:

'How much do you want of X'

'Are you sure?'

'Remember you can always get more for seconds but if you take it you have to eat it as otherwise it'll be wasted' - this wasn't always said but sometimes (presumably if they thought I'd asked for a lot)

If I didn't finish - 'remember you asked for that much, you said you wanted it, now you have to eat it or it will go to waste'

If I did finish - 'wouldn't anyone like second, there's more of X, Y, Z. If not I will pot it up in the fridge and we can eat it later or do something else with it.'

I think it was very healthy and has given me a good relationship with food so I would definitely recommend employing this if you can. However I don't yet have any DC of my own so I'm afraid I can't help with how best to make it happen.

@ihavebrillohair

It was always presented to me that I must eat At least a certain amount of vegetables, and these would be initially served out to me. There would always be an option to have more but I had to have Atleast X amount. The rest of the dinner was served after the vegetables so I could never claim I wasn't hungry enough for them as the whole plate was built around them and I was only encouraged to put on my plate what I would eat. It probably helped that I was pretty compliant about eating veg in general and wasn't a salad dodger. I didn't particularly like it and would rarely get extra but I always ate what I had to and then enjoyed the rest of my meal.

I was. I didn’t like curries or chilli or anything strong tasting really but my parents did.

The plus side is I can stomach any foul tasting medicine required.

But I too binge or fast. No happy medium. I had a bit of a lightbulb moment when I was eating a takeaway meal with my husband that didn’t taste good. I was ploughing through it dutifully and then I realised he had no intention of eating something that he didn’t like the taste of.

Yes, and it took me till I was 35 to make myself stop when I was full. I am slowly finding my internal voice to tell me when I'm full and don't need to carry on eating.

Yes in a nice encouraging way. I loved food, and had no food I didn't like as a child. I still finish my food. Have never been overweight, dont pick or snack and hate wasting food.

I was made to clear my plate too and over eat still now. X

Not only did I have to finish everything on my plate but I needed to eat in 5-10 mins otherwise I would get a beating (I had to do the washing up and it was literally left to pile up the whole day for me to do from the age of 7). I have massive issues with overeating now but I managed to lose a lot of weight by counting calories - I’m not obsessive about it but it really helps to calm down my impulses. I can even leave stuff on my plate now.

No, I'm 24. I also don't make my DC clear their plates. My dad however had to eat everything on his plate when he was younger, he was born in the 70s. If he didn't eat it all he would get the belt or slipper or something similar!! Awful

@GrumpyHoonMain that's really sad.

We were allowed to choose how much went on our plates (either through serving ourselves or having it served by a parents but asked how much we want - more/less ect). There were a couple of exceptions to this, mainly vegetables, but the overall portion we were able to control.
However once we had decided how much to be served we then had to clear our plates as we had asked for that much and otherwise we would be wasting food.

Similar system in our house, and I think it was fair and worked well. I don't have any food hangups that stem from childhood mealtimes.

I do have a problem with resisting sugary foods, particularly chocolate, which I think stems from my mum (perfectly reasonably) limiting my access to chocolate and impressing on me that I couldn't have too much or I'd get fat. That's just responsible parenting, but unfortunately it did turn chocolate into a bit of a 'forbidden fruit' for me and it's now my biggest diet downfall. Not my mum's fault though, I'm old enough to make my own ill-advised food choices. But I've wandered a bit off-topic now, lol.

Yes. While also being bombarded with the message thin = beautiful. So I was anorexic at the age of eleven, which was pretty young for the early 90s. I used to give my sibling my food, we'd both have clean plates, sibling still has issues with eating too much.

I remember this one morning I let my rice crispies go too soggy in the milk and I really didn't like the texture, but was forced to stay at the table and eat the lot. I still can't stand too much milk on cereal, I don't really eat it much tbh. I think I was about 8. Not physically forced by the way, words were plenty good enough in my house.

Yes I wasn't really allowed to leave anything or my parents would have thought I was ill. But luckily my mum was a good cook (unlike me) and It wasn't a problem.

I was made to eat everyhing on my plate by my father, but too be fair i was very underweight and an incredibly fussy eater. He died when i was very young and my mother wasn't as strict, but she did encourage me to eat as much as possible. I don't blame her, i am sure she was worried sick that i ate so little. As an adult i eat too much and am overweight, i rarely binge but i like to feel full.

@bringincrazyback

I feel exactly like you

'Similar system in our house, and I think it was fair and worked well. I don't have any food hangups that stem from childhood mealtimes. '

I'm the same as this except I do still have some weird food hang up for no apparent reason. Most centre around texture, there are certain textures I can not stand and actually make me gag. But I can't in any way contribute this to childhood meals, it's just my own weird little things. I guess lots of people have them.

Well it would be impossible to have had stricter ‘eat what you’re given’ rules growing up than I did.

If you were eating too slowly, or pushing food around, or making faces about the food you were sent with your plate to eat alone in the laundry (or garage). You stayed there until it was finished. From the age of 4. If you were lucky, they left the lights on.

If the family had plans (so they couldn’t leave you endlessly to finish), your plate was covered and fridged. Came out at every mealtime until you finished it. After the first 24 hour cycle, it wasn’t heated up for you any more.

If you expressed a dislike for a food, you got extra helpings forever. Taught us quickly not to whinge. All this was at grandparents house as well as parents.

Now I’m in middle-age I have absolutely zero food issues. I eat a normal healthy diet, with exceptional table manners . In my case, I’d have to say no connection.

The hard part has been breaking the cycle with my kid. I’m considered quite harsh in my circle for insisting on ‘trying everything’ 10 times, and ‘try to finish what you served yourself’. But otherwise I’m careful not to turn food into ‘a thing’. We thank the farmers and the workers and cook who brought it to the table, and try and make eating social and normal. Not a chance to discipline about other areas of life.

I recently spoke to a paediatrician who specialises in kids eating disorders/anxiety. She said that it’s best to keep kids away from ‘food challenges’ like you see are so popular on youtube (eg ‘only eat yellow foods for 24hrs’ challenge, or ‘edible slime’). She thinks food/eating should be as commonplace as brushing your hair or having a wee. Don’t attach other emotions to it, even positive ones. It can somehow dovetail with any anxiety in kids, and be hard to shift afterwards. Interesting.

How interesting.
We were quite poor growing up, but mum was very creative with food so we always ate healthy meals - I used to feel jealous of friends behind had things like crispy pancakes, potato waffles etc, and the ones that had 'meat and 2 veg' - this was the 80's but Mum had been to Uni so we had pasta dishes, stew and home made curries (which were excellent) but meant she was very clever at using leftovers and cheap cuts (she had to save up money to take us on the bus to the park as a treat, to give an idea).
I don't remember feeling under any pressure to eat everything, I suspect she did as I do now which is to save some back which I can finish if DD doesn't want seconds, or finish her left overs if she has had enough.

Yes. If I didn't finish it it was served up again for breakfast. I HAD to clear my plate. My mother still gets angry if I don't eat all my dinner when I visit and I'm 33.

I have a huge problem with binge eating. I often don't feel full until I'm literally about to vomit. I'm a healthy weight, but I struggle every day. It took me years to be able to leave something as opposed to stuff it down.

I also got really adept at hiding food I didn't want to eat :(

No. DP always tries to force our kids to clear their plate and I always put my foot down. The worst bit is he always overfills their plates. Children just can't eat that much!

I do think my parents should have restricted my diet though. When I got to around 9 I became very over weight because she just let me eat whatever I wanted, then by 13 I had an eating disorder and have struggled with it for 17 years.

And like Baskinjoe has said - I always ask DD how hungry she is, and let her know that there is more of whatever if she wants more after she has finished. I will freeze leftovers if we don't have them the following day - I'm a single mum so have to plan and it's always good to have meals in the freezer!!

Not me, but DH was. He also is never full now and has to really watch his exercise levels to avoid putting on weight.

I was quite a fussy eater apparently, until I was 7 or 8 but although I was expected to eat some of my meal I was never forced to finish it. After that, I became a good eater and ate just about anything, but I've never eaten large portions and will still leave something if I'm full. I can judge my own portion size pretty well but I'll often leave stuff if I'm out for a pub meal or something and I feel full.

To be honest, I wouldn't go down any route whereby you are insisting a child has to clear their plate, even if they have been involved in choosing their portion size. Certainly not at age 3. I think it's important to avoid mealtimes becoming a battlefield as that's likely to affect a child's relationship with food.

I have one DC who eats anything and usually asks for more and one very fussy eater. I encourage (fairly forcefully!) that everything is at least tasted and a few mouthfuls of vegetables are eaten but I don't ever make her eat. It can get very frustrating - we have joked on occasion that I may as well serve her meal directly to the bin - but as long as food across the course of a whole day is reasonably varied I don't worry too much. She's gradually got more adventurous of her own accord as she's got older.

There are so many issues around food that it's hard to get the balance right and feel that you are doing the right thing!