Despicable Anti Dementors

[Mascotte]

New thread

Unfortunately most people don't admit, "Blast, I have dementia, but now I'll arrange my own exit as planned." They're in adamant denial or conspire with their spouse to conceal it.

true. It can also be subtle at first.

Can I please make a respectful request. As someone who works regularly in a dementia home I find some of the terminology that has been mentioned horrific. Whilst the various types of dementia are horrible in their own way this does not mean that the people suffering from it are vegetables. I find that a horrendous term and certainly the residents I work with still enjoy a great quality of life thanks to the extra work and activities engaged in by the staff. I accept not all homes are like this but people living with dementia are still human beings and deserve to be treated as such.

They are human beings, but not the human being they were. And I'm darn sure that fil would not have been pleased to see himself sitting with (a very kind) careworker and playing snowmen with cottonwool-covered toilet rolls. He would have been horrified and humiliated at what he had become and I am 100% sure he would not have wanted to be that human being.

Unfortunately most people don't admit, "Blast, I have dementia, but now I'll arrange my own exit as planned." They're in adamant denial or conspire with their spouse to conceal it.

Very true, Irma.

I think people should be allowed to describe their own loved ones as they want.

I don't think anybody has made general comments about dementia patients, but people have described the awful suffering of their family members at the end of their lives.

My grandfather was in an excellent home and the staff there cared for him very well, and with a great deal of love. But he did not have any quality of life by the end. He had no idea who anybody was, even his wife of 60 years, he had no speech, no mobility. Nothing.

There were no "activities" that he could engage in after the first couple of years.

certainly the residents I work with still enjoy a great quality of life thanks to the extra work and activities engaged in by the staff

I don't doubt that you work very hard and I'm certain that you care very much about the residents you work with and it's excellent that you do. I'm sure you're brilliant at your job and I'm sure that you and your colleagues work very hard to give your residents a good quality of life. I commend you for that. It cannot be an easy job and I'm grateful that people do that job.

However there's nothing you can do to get rid of dementia and restore a resident to their former self. There is very little you can do to bring memory or personality back where it has gone. No amount of caring can do that.

My granny had early onset dementia in her fifties. She recognised nothing and nobody, yet lived to be 69 at great expense to the state and it was agony to witness. She could barely lift her head.

She eventually contracted pneumonia and died. It was a huge relief.

Can I make a respectful request that people don't judge those talking about very personal and upsetting experiences of family members with dementia. No one is saying people with dementia are not human beings, many of us are talking about our own mums and dads.

We're going to be pulled for offending people if we speak like this.

Williamson droning on nasally about how important getting kids back to school is... so um... you turn around and tell that to my Y2 and Y3 children who don't matter apparently (since you've admitted the provision for the excluded ones will be going down the shitter when the chosen ones start)

Fuckwit.

In wales we have to wait until the traffic are green to get all children back in school. This may be when there’s a cure/vaccine according to some. My dd is in year 3 and is desperate for some social contact. It’s like children’s mental health doesn’t matter. I’m hoping it all goes well for you in England as it seems children aren’t the super spreaders they’re made out to be.

Thank you heroku.

End stage dementia is absolutely horrific. Bedridden. Hoisted out of bed to be bathed. Uncommunicative. Unable to move. Doubly incontinent. Curled up in an almost foetal position with hands like claws. Reliant on a mechanical mattress to prevent bedsores. Fed nutritional 'milkshakes' through a straw. So thin that you resemble a barely breathing corpse.

That was my mum for at least 2 years. Apologies if I offend anyone and I know 'comparisons are odious' and all that but anyone who prolonged an animal's life in that way would get the jail.

Children's mental health has been completely disregarded in all of this - as has the mental health of parents coping with children with additional needs, or children simply struggling with the social isolation and lashing out at family they feel secure with.

Yeah, remember "be kind"?

The same people in many cases demanding children be locked away indefinitely and that a few suicides and murders are nothing to be concerning ourselves with.

Domina a helluva lot of things (and people) are being completely disregarded in all this. It really worries me and I feel so sorry for parents and children who are struggling. The damage done may be lasting.

Domina, I’m so with you. It’s a scandal, that.

Has anyone else found a supermarket which seems to have stopped counting people in? Local Lidl this morning had no-one on the door? Customers obviously just getting on with shopping like normal people, trying to observe distancing but not being OTT about it!
I'm back at work next week so my Mum who I've been shopping for is going to do her own shopping for the first time in two months. She hasn't ventured out beyond her garage. Early 70's but no health conditions that make her high risk. I do think she's worried though.
Like pp my opinions are quite "grey". I have followed the rules, and don't particularly want to go to a very crowded place and have everything released suddenly..... But normality needs to be restored.
Promising statement from the school trust that they hope to have all primary years back by the end of June.

The damage done will be lasting.

We know that for sure.

We are making choices here about who and what matters.

I want discussion around those choices to make them transparent.

If you want to keep schools closed for months, you are CHOOSING that some children will be killed and many others harmed and traumatised due to the removal of the safeguarding role of schools.

Maybe you think that's worth it to avoid a second (first in many places) peak. But own it. Explain your reasoning.

If I'm a murderer who wants old people to die of a disease, then you are a murderer who wants children to be actually murdered.

There is a real problem that there is no political risk in overreacting to Coronavirus. That's why Nicola Sturgeon can be so smug in her bullshit about how caring she is.

I am horrified to find myself glad the UK has a Tory government, who are not that keen to keep us in lockdown.

@Nihiloxica - turns out Be Kind was just something you put on your social media page, a bit like everyone who posts anything now has to add "at a social distance, of course". I'm feel like we should have a caveat added - I'll assume you're staying 2m away unless there's evidence otherwise and honestly if you're walking past me I'm pretty sure I'm safe unless you're coughing!

Dementia is the cruelest disease. My Uncle had autism and then dementia in later life, as did my Great Uncle. It robbed them of their memories and essence. My Great Uncle hit his wife. It would have broken him if he'd known. I'm so sorry for everyone who has had to endure this disease, either themselves or watching someone they love. I also think the impact of socially isolating people with dementia must be huge. Some studies suggest people go downhill a lot faster without that interaction. A friend was in hospital with dementia and Coronavirus, hearing his terror described to me at being alone and seeing people in full PPE made me sob. (He has recovered well and is home again).

I really do care very much about people dying and suffering before their time, but I also care very much about mental health and believe we need to begin to allow people to thrive again. I think we should allow children and families to meet and play outside and make the most of the decent weather. I worry about the long term impact of telling children that they need to worry about germs and other children, as well as people with other conditions. I can live without coffee shops and concerts, but not with a society that doesn't value the mental health of little children.

Sorry, that was long but I just needed to get it out.

@nihiloxica Yep. Someone asked her about cancer treatments last week and she said that some "very difficult" judgements were being made, which sounded awfully like some people were getting thrown under a bus.

I had an illegal picnic today. So fed up of this shite.

Nihil I'm sorry, you are quite right. The damage will be lasting. No maybe about it.

Is it just me or is anyone else thinking that we are in grave danger of throwing the baby out with the bathwater here?

Yes, this conversation on death and us needing to be able to talk about it reminds me of a couple of really good books on the subject-

Atul Gawande Being Mortal; illness dying and what matters in the end www.amazon.co.uk/Being-Mortal-Medicine-Wellcome-Collection/dp/1846685826/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=on+being+mortal&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1589644200&sr=8-1

and

With the End in Mind: Dying, Death and Wisdom in an Age of Denial by Kathryn Mannix. www.amazon.co.uk/End-Mind-Dying-Wisdom-Denial-ebook/dp/B074DPNGWH/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=dying&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1589644247&sr=8-1

Basica;ly both in agreement about what you are saying about a 'good death' and how people's fear gets in the way of talking about death.

Agreed, wise words all.

When I was diagnosed with Acure Myeloid Leukaemia in the second week of lockdown, I was told that chemo needed to start asap (a week later, as it happened). At that point I didn't know anything about it and I was surprised that the treatment wouldn't be delayed / suspended because of Covid-19. The consultant basically told me, without chemo, I would be very ill very quickly and it would get to the point where the cancer was untreatable (in a matter of months or even weeks).

I'm being given the best chance of recovery because my treatment started promptly. And I pray every day that I will make it into remission and stay there (despite not actually being religious...). If I do, it will be because I got the treatment I needed, in spite of Covid-19.

I am being given the best chance to get healthy, grow old, watch my three children growing up. It honestly breaks my heart to think that others in my position might not have been given that chance.

(Sorry for the gushy stuff, which I will knock off with now, but this issue is one I'm feeling quite strongly about right now!)