Despicable Anti Dementors

[Mascotte]

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Oh now they're trying to analyse the peak of infection in the North East - which apparently is down to all the day-trippers swarming in Yorkshire - despite the fact it's Sunderland and South Tyneside that's being particularly badly hit, Sunderland in specific - and that is not known as an area notable for picturesque countryside walks (unless half burnt out mattresses, stranded rotting boats grounded by low tide, dogging and post-industrial decline are your kind of thing). Totally deprivation, long term impact of austerity, older than the norm population and poor health in general - but nope - it's those ghastly day trippers.

Anything that doesn't suit the narrative floats over the head of the fuckwits.

Well I've murdered thousands this week
I've had a wine delivery, a dartboard delivered
I'm currently sat in the hot tub we've hired for my birthday
I had a curry last night from my local Indian
Just been to Sainsbury's (not main food shop) and then went and got our favourites from Starbucks drive through
I haven't felt this cheerful in weeks and the kids and DH have had a fab weekend
The dementors would be apoplectic
Fuck em
I have had to absorb a fuckton of service users problems and worries for weeks
I work in a fucking hospital I am well aware that people are dying you miserable twats
I honestly giddy today
I was in tears last night and this is a tonic
I need sanity and resilience to keep supporting vulnerable clients when this is over
Dementors fucking do one

GeneGenie - that's awful. I'm so sorry for you and your relative. I imagine it's impossible to predict the outcome when someone is resuscitated.

Causing people increased suffering and pain so they can linger on in agony for a few more weeks is CRUEL and I will never think otherwise.

Me too, Alexis. I hope to fuck that if I ever end up with a dementia diagnosis that by then we will be able to have living wills and the equivalent of Dignitas in this country.

Thanks cardigans he died a few years ago now. He would have hated lockdown.

No it's possible he could have woken up and been fine I guess.

@ilovecardigans so sorry to hear about your loss. We had similar in that my lovely mother-in-law died suddenly and unexpectedly of a stroke just before lockdown. My father-in-law is 85 and they had been married for 60 years as well. He took the decision that he would rather keep on seeing us have to cope with with life on his own they had had such a happy marriage it was such a wrench so he has been coming round every day and sitting at a social distance in our garden, seeing the kids play who have been very good to keep well away from him and it really has helped immensely.

@TheAdventuresoftheWishingChair that chart is brilliant. My poor brother is in Devon and his usually sane neighbours are posting things on Facebook about roadblocks on the M5 at jctn 29 to make sure the SW is kept just for locals. Presumably they don't care about north devon !

Hester - I feel yours too, sweetheart. It enraged me that the care home staff marvelled at 'how strong' my mum was and how much she clearly wanted to live as she lay there all twisted up looking like one of the barely living corpses they pulled out of Belsen. She was 93 when she died, but the person I knew died a good 8 years before that.

This crazy awful situation with our old people just has to change.

100% this.

Thoroughly agree with pps about dementia deaths. Both the pils spent years with dementia; fil had a gradual decline, but mil had the full-on experience: violence, swearing, extreme distress.

Dh goes mad when the press/tv starts screaming about care home deaths and how "the government" are killing people in care homes. The people in care homes (not residential homes) are not Captain Toms all whizzing about on their zimmers and enjoying a full life. I would say actually 100% of the occupants of mil's home were just vegetables with angry or miserable moments. They were all well fed and well cared for, but their existence was utterly pointless. Mil did not know her own name, her dh or her dc. Just sitting in a big nappy staring.

And also a breath of wind would kill many in care homes because they are very old . Ridiculous to question why people die in care homes. Do people honestly think humans should never die?

I had similar when my dad was dying. He had Parkinson's Disease and was 86 but they kept bringing him back from the brink with antibiotics then would get another urine infection, we would get a phone call from the hospital to say you must all come now this is his final moments we would all rush there in tears then he would marvelously rally round but the man that we knew and loved had long gone. We had this for 8 long months while he raved insensibly, often embarrassingly rude to the nursing staff, and as he couldn't swallow he was like a living skeleton by the end. It was absolutely horrific and would have been much better if he could have gone quickly the first time.

Thank you Campervan. Sorry for your loss also and I'm 100% with your father-in-law. I see absolutely no harm in him coming round to see you and your children.

I wonder if we should just say 'fuck it' and go and see my mother-in-law, but husband is scared that we'll be stopped by the Scottish polis and get a fine!

Bugger me. I do one Zoom quiz, go to bed, have a walk this morning and it's taken me AN HOUR to catch up.

In summary- YY to everything posted above. Very grey here, mostly just want less snarky memes and a little more appreciation that people's situations are different.

Had a lovely walk today, and an ice cream with a flake, just because I could. Lots of people out walking /socialising / enjoying being out and we saw a couple introducing their teeny tiny baby to friends in a pre-arranged "accidental" meet up. Luffly stuff.

We've driven 40 mins for a day out.
We have a she wee and a container, toilet roll and dog poo bags in which to put the loo roll for me and my daughter.
We have the stove and sausages
Best of all, we have gin.
I've never put this much planning into a day trip since I had toddlers!

We are heading away from our town that miserably is not welcoming seaside visitors, to somewhere that has said they are.

We've picked a time that is likely to be more quiet, so we're not being as murderous as we could be.

Hello, oh People of Common Sense, 'tis me of the murder hornet patronus. Been snoozing more doom mongers on FB. So sad to see people I've known for years lose all perspective.

I wonder if we should just say 'fuck it' and go and see my mother-in-law, but husband is scared that we'll be stopped by the Scottish polis and get a fine!

Can she get to you? Or you could meet her at the border? We're allowed to leave Scotland. Ridiculous all this only see your family from 2m apart (and apparently in Scotland we're not 'allowed' to do this and this delights so many).

Irma - I am cheering at your post. God, I'm so relieved (but also sad) that so many posters have similar thoughts and experiences. I thought I was alone and only dared voice my opinions to my husband.

Campervan I'm so sorry about your dad.

Thisdress - have a great day out! Particularly jealous of your sausages and gin - YUM!

snowmobile unfortunately not, as MIL doesn't drive and the buses are shite. FIL was the driver and she lives in a small village in the middle of nowhere. She's hoping to move closer to #1 SIL once this is over (has picked out the house she wants to buy and everything) but fuck alone knows when that will be.

Yes, I am finding that some people are taking great delight in loudly pointing out what is 'allowed' and what is not. I'd happily shit in their cornflakes right now. I am BAD!

I was told to come on this thread by Mean Girls on another one, when I dared to say that shielding was advice, not a law. And I am a shielder! When people have chemotherapy, they're told to be careful of infection, and so they avoid planes/cinema/public transport/germy kids etc etc. It's the same thing now - you judge what risk you're prepared to take. Other shielding people are berating "the government" saying it's not fair/everyone else should have to stay in to protect them yada yada. Got really fed up with them. It's a bugger being a weakling, but I'm not demanding that the whole world stops for me nor that my teen dcs should have to isolate with me until they're 45 in order to protect meeeeeeee.

@Thisdressneedspockets would it be in Norfolk? I do this with ds. we take the trangia hiking stove with burgers or bacon rolls! lovely! some seasides are open and fine with people. others are shooting themselves in the foot (future tourism numbers and locked bogs = poo in the flowerbeds!).

Yes, we have reached a point where any life is better than no life, and it is difficult to have any conversation around it.

On another note, we talked about Whitby before. I am swinging between just going and saying "Feck it, we won't come, ever."

I know the thread has moved on but I wanted to say that we have decided that all life should be extended at all costs and it takes a heavy toll on elderly people and relatives alike. We have opted for quantity not quality.
I remember my Nan’s death back in the 80s. She had a massive stroke one night and was rendered unconscious.
Our GP came out- lovely man, who told my grandad she was probably going to die soon and what would he like to happen? We all said goodbye to her and then my grandad got into bed with her and held her till she died, at some point in the early hours of the morning. The doctor came back in the morning to certify her death.
It was a good death, there was no blue lights and no admit to hospital. I doubt it would ever happen like this nowadays.

A short respiratory illness, with good palliative care, would have been a gift. There, I said it.

I couldn't agree more. At the start of this pandemic my early-70s dad said to me "ah bugger it, I've got to die of something so it might as well be this. I'm not sitting in the house all day". My immediate reaction was "no please don't take the risk" but over the last few weeks I've been thinking more and more. What would I rather - he die of coronavirus tomorrow or he lives another 20 years but half of it is spent with no quality of life, no dignity, afraid and confused?

When you put it like that the whole coronavirus thing seems a lot less scary to me. The reality is that he will have to die eventually. I will have to go to his funeral and go through the grieving process, there's no running away from it. And I'd so much rather he died in a peaceful, dignified way than suffer through years of torture.

I had it with my nan and I prayed every night that she would die. I'm not even religious but watching her suffer like that was just awful. I cried with happiness when she finally passed away. My mum has never gotten over it.

Such honest posts on this thread

Everyone will die eventually, I just wish there was more emphasis on good life and even good death, rather than clinging on to poor quality life at any cost and causing suffering in the process. It’s certainly a conversation I have a lot at work (veterinary practice) which is obviously different, but definitely a more open environment to honestly discuss quality of life.

I do think the covid situation is more nuanced than ventilator or nothing though. It’s likely that there have been end stage patients who would have benefited from oxygen, analgesia and sedatives which may have enabled a “good death” which may not have been available in the care homes where they died. I do also spare a thought for the care home workers who don’t have a cupboard full of lovely drugs to help alleviate suffering where they see it, that must be quite distressing.

AllNames

That is a beautiful story. A good death, indeed.

@Allnamesaregone, that is what HCP would call a "good death". She didnt suffer the indingity of hospital etc, stayed with her husband in her own bed, drifted away.

Thats how many of us would like to go.