Jilly Coopr character Lockdown competition thread

[BalloonSlayer]

The most successful thread I ever started was about wanting to be a Jilly Cooper character.

Since lockdown, this has started to feel more achievable. See my scores below:

• Cut my own fringe: 3 points (scissors hadn't just been used to cut bacon first, deduct one point)

• car is Absolutely Filthy: 3 points (not a golf, mini or Porsche so as no other cars exist in Jillyworld, deduct one point.)

• "old trousers and a shrunk t shirt made her bum and boobs look huge," yeah whole three points for this one

• anthropomorphising my pets like crazy. No he wasn't showing how much he loves you, he wanted his dinner! 3 points.

• Smell of wild garlic making me miss going out to restaurants : 3 points. (Not sure if that is wild garlic or something else actually, deduct one point.)

So that's 12/15 for me. How is everyone else doing?

Emily was my first as well! 15p in the library sale. I was expecting it to be much ruder than it actually was.

I had them all with Jilly on the cover!

I’ve recently re-bought a few of them. The artwork on the covers now does not reflect the characters AT ALL.

Back then Rory made love on all three channels. It’s since been updated to all four!

I had book of hers entitled "work and wedlock " which was 2 books combined (it was still an extremely slim volume), one about working in an office and one called "How to stay married "

When it hit the press in the 1980s that her husband had been having an affair, the fact that she had written a book called How to Stay Married was a source of some ridicule for the tabloids.*

Georgie McGuire finding out her husband is cheating on her just after her having a massive hit single about how wonderful he is, is based on this period. It's a very effective bit of writing as it's emotionally true.

She also writes about infertility very well, having suffered from it herself. I imagine her clear hatred of breastfeeders comes from being made to feel inferior by "earth mother" types when she adopted her children. Also she writes well about dyslexia due to one of her DCs being dyslexic; I hardly knew what it was before I read Rivals.

• to be fair she does say at one point that any woman who refuses her husband sex more than two times in succession, who isn't pregnant, ill, or just had a baby, deserves to have him cheat.

I liked "Mongrel Magic" (although I think I read it under another title) with her descriptions and naming of mongrels and cross-breeds.("Black and Tan Tightskin, vertical shagpile, borderline collie )

I imagine her clear hatred of breastfeeders comes from being made to feel inferior by "earth mother" types when she adopted her children.

I'm sure that's true, OP.
And it's a relief to know that Taggie's splendid breasts never sagged because she hadn't ever breastfed.

@sueelleker

I liked "Mongrel Magic" (although I think I read it under another title) with her descriptions and naming of mongrels and cross-breeds.

Was it something like "Awfully Intelligent and Clever"?

Because, iirc, that's what people always said when she said her dogs were mongrels: "Oh! Well, apparently they're awfully intelligent and clever.

I have smoked salmon and Moët in the fridge - more points for that surely?!

Rivals is my fave - Riders has necessary background but is a horrible book in parts, Helen basically gets gang raped Polo also difficult as said upthread - Rivals and MWMHJ are much nicer IMO

Wasn’t one of the short stories in the Lisa and Co book, almost identical to one of the ‘name’ books? Octavia maybe-the one where she’s a bit of a cow and tries to pinch her ‘nice but chubby’ friend’s new man?!

@Appuskidu

You're probably right.
I can't remember which of the short stories that would be, but I read an interview in which she said she'd expanded some stories she'd written for magazines to fill a novel.

I can't remember how Rupert's redemption arc works; he's so horrible in Riders!

I don’t think he’s completely horrible in Riders, the cruelty to horses is vile though. He’s a product of his background and is incredibly self-reliant and self-absorbed (quite like Jake in that regard). His hedonism, beauty, youth and success drive his egotism, but he loves Billy and Badger so he’s not without feelings. Amanda Hamilton changes him. Tabitha comes along, who he adores. Then Taggie is the coup de foudre.

My first (and still my favourite) Jilly book was Imogen. I then went through the rest of the name books as a teenage, before starting on the Rutshire chronicles (secretly as my Mum said they were unsuitable!)

I do hold Jilly a bit responsible for the somewhat mixed up views of what a relationship should be like that I had as an angst-ridden 17 year old!

I recently listened to them all again on audio to while away my commute. The earlier ones are funny and still make me smile, although they're very much 'of their time'. The later ones are cringe-worthy at best!

Today, in true Jilly style I am wandering vaguely around the house in ancient jeans and a too-tight t-shirt, with unwashed hair. The house is strewn with coffee cups and I can't be bothered to do any house work. Later I may take my very spoilt and totally uncontrollable dog out for a walk in the woods.

My hair is the colour of damp fox and it streams behind me like a maenad. How many points for that?

CheerfulBunny

My hair is the colour of damp fox and it streams behind me like a maenad. How many points for that? smile

Fewer than you would have got for having written "like that of a maenad".

Otherwise it just sounds like you've got got a drunken young woman clutching on to your scalp.

Today, in true Jilly style I am wandering vaguely around the house in ancient jeans and a too-tight t-shirt, with unwashed hair.

Is your ample bosom straining against your t-shirt though?

I always saw Andrew Ridgely as Billy Lloyd-Foxe.

I think Billy Lloyd-Foxe is a bit Barney Rubble.

Andrew Ridgely is hotter stuff than that!

I get 3 points for having a Bush that needs a trim.

Infact I think my hygiene us on par with hilary at the moment. Maybe RCB will be attracted to me in a feral sort of way.

I love the escapism of Jilly Cooper's books, I know they are incredibly dated but they are pure escapism.

They are currently available through the library as audiobooks for free.

Jake in Riders was apparently partly based on Joe Turi, a Hungarian rider who defected to Britain in the early '70s. And the opening of Jump where Etta is looking after her husband, who then dies, is based on Jilly looking after Leo in his last years.

I didn't manage to finish "Pandora" (the one with the painting)
Or "Wicked" (the school)
"Appasionata" (the violinist)

I read a bit of "Jump" (the rescued filly)

Not even thought about "Score"

I don't really like Kindles though.
I re -read "Bella" (the one with the actress engaged but his evil cousin tries to scupper it )

But it wasn;t the same on a screen

Love Jilly so much.
I do have a bush needing a trim and have cut my own fringe.
I need to go on a grapefruit and meat only diet to get below 8st (chance would be a fine thing, by Jilly standards I'm HUUUGE, especially if Tory was a lump at 11st!) then manically clean my teeth until my gums bleed!
I want to wear Fracas and have a wildly unsuitable man run his hand down my leg as if I was a horse! Well I do!

I loved the early 'name' ones too and still have all the editions with JC on the cover. They were so well structured - she could really put a story together. They gave me some very odd ideas about class and relationships though! I was always wanting to smell ravishing having spilt half a bottle of Diorissimo in my excitement, forgotten to make up both eyes, pulled on a too-tight red sweater over my still-damp curls and wondered if my breasts were too large.

Hot stuff for a flat-chested and bookish 12 year old with access only to my mum's ancient bottle of Yardley English lavender!

Completely agree with the comments saying Rannaldini never sounds attractive. With his 'wolf pelt' hair, hooded eyes and dark skin I always end up envisioning him like a thinner Ian McShane in Lovejoy. Just no.

There are so many characters who she built so beautifully then let drop. I always felt there was at least another book in Caitlin O'Hara. And I'd have loved to know what Patrick and Cameron did next.

Adore Jilly. My favourites are Rivals and Appassionata (nobody else seems to like the latter but I have a bit of knowledge of the classical music world, which helps). She is such a mixture as a writer - there is huge snobbery in her books but they are incredibly funny and there are moments of genuinely beautiful writing. I do love the bit in Appassionata where Rupert finds out Marcus is gay and it actually brings them closer together

Helen is also a complete drip.

Although she is one part of my favourite line in the series:
Helen: Nigel has principals, he's not eaten anything that moves in 15 years.
RCB: Not even jelly?

then manically clean my teeth until my gums bleed!

Don't forget to do a Dracula face in the mirror to cheer yourself up (Fenella )

Completely agree with the comments saying Rannaldini never sounds attractive. With his 'wolf pelt' hair, hooded eyes and dark skin I always end up envisioning him like a thinner Ian McShane in Lovejoy. Just no

Oooh I see him as Anton Meyer from Holby City but chunkier