Malteaser cake recipe - help a Catholic out

[Lunawuna]

Help on an Ecumenical matter please So I've been dipping into the world of traybakes - I can make a pretty respectable caramel square (nice, thick, chewy caramel!) and Mars bar crispy square, but I need a good recipe for Malteaser cake.

I tried the BBC Good Food recipe the other day and it didn't have that lovely feeling of your pupils dilating with the sweetness of it all like a good traybake normally has. Am I doomed to never get it right because of my lack of Prod blood? Help! How can getting the right ratio of digestive biscuits, butter, syrup and chocolate be so hard?!

I'm normally a good baker! Honest!

I rarely make them @isabellerossignol because they’re expensive to make. I don’t use crap chocolate like dairy milk either mind you - good quality chocolate only in this house.

I always think I'll end up all lush and curvy like Nigella, that's how I justify the baking. Then I Iook in the mirror and I'm more like a young bull calf. Ah well.

WTF?

@Altuve

Would you like a wee cup of tea with your wee bum there?

My MIL once called my hot cross bun a wee bap, and I will never forgive her. She makes horrible oily buns, and once they are stale dips them in jam and rolls them in coconut.
She's not a Prod.

It’s definitely the Nigella one that was linked above. It’s so easy and tastes a-maz-ing.

Mine is (I think) 100g each of milk and dark choc, 100g butter, 2 or 3 tbsp syrup all melted together then add in 275g of pulverised digestives. Add a big bag of malteasers (or the sharing one if you want) and spread out in the tin. Melt 200g dairy milk and spread on the top. Heaven!

First they cancel the Twelth and now a Catholic making traybakes!?
This lockdown has turned the world topsy turvy 🙈

Have a sit down, @Cocolapew. Hot sweet tea, and put your head between your knees if necessary. Deep breaths.

Thanks Beatrix I've been searching for a condensed milk recipe for weeks

Nigella's recipe has got 225g of Maltesers. That's nearly four of the sharing bags.

^
Thought that weighed a lot but then realised Maltesers are light.

As you were.

I made (threw together) a new recipe (because I over ordered ginger) for crumble the other night - we have lots of frozen fruit in our freezer (don't ask how old). So I mixed rhubarb & apple & a dash of finely chopped root ginger Than threw together the (gluten free) crumble & cooked it was lush.
I am going to have to try one of these protestant tray bakes - & I am neither protestant or NI - However re the North England Granny I can explain this -many Irish migrated to N England & worked as miners so there was quite an Irish contingent there & in Australia too -I use to reckon when I was at (Convent School)in Australia that if you turned the nuns & priests over they had made in County Cork printed on the back of their neck

Nigella's recipe has got 225g of Maltesers. That's nearly four of the sharing bags.

Thought that weighed a lot but then realised Maltesers are light.

Going off at a bit of a tangent here, but this reminds me of the time when I was struggling with my Physics homework not long after starting secondary school. Eventually I went to my parents in desperation, close to tears, and said 'I just don't know how to work this out. I have to say which is heavier, 1kg of feathers or 1kg of lead.' It took me a while to grasp why they both laughed hysterically.

eggandonion wee baps indeed! Tell her her son doesn’t complain about your baps. Ah well, we all have our crosses to bear.

@Cocolapew Sorry

Dh likes rhubarb tart. With no extra sugar. And krispie buns, not the mars bar ones. His niece has married into an evangelical family and taken to baking.
People from Cork say 'I'm from Cork' within 2 minutes. You might not realise,as the male Cork accent is inaccessible to outsiders.

If we are straying into crumbles - I once made an apple and raspberry crumble - I wanted to make apple and blackberry, but couldn’t find any blackberries. It was lovely.

But what I want now - what I really, really want - is a mars bar cornflake cake. But even thinking about it is making me put on weight, and I need to stop piling on the pounds otherwise I will be completely spherical by the end of lockdown.

Plum crumble is really, really yum. I think plum is really underrated in this country these days!

Dh likes damsons. You rarely see them.

I don't think I've ever had a damson. After the success of the Malteaser cake (recipe now safely written up in my trusty wee notebook), I think I'm going to scour the classics thread for this Mint Aero bake someone mentioned earlier.

Been reading the Classics thread. What is a Presbyterian salad sandwich anyone please? Googling it just gets me the Mumsnet thread.

What is a Presbyterian salad sandwich I'd expect it to be neat and well formed with no excesses.

I love this thread so much