Malteaser cake recipe - help a Catholic out

[Lunawuna]

Help on an Ecumenical matter please So I've been dipping into the world of traybakes - I can make a pretty respectable caramel square (nice, thick, chewy caramel!) and Mars bar crispy square, but I need a good recipe for Malteaser cake.

I tried the BBC Good Food recipe the other day and it didn't have that lovely feeling of your pupils dilating with the sweetness of it all like a good traybake normally has. Am I doomed to never get it right because of my lack of Prod blood? Help! How can getting the right ratio of digestive biscuits, butter, syrup and chocolate be so hard?!

I'm normally a good baker! Honest!

I’m sure there’s a law against describing this as a cake. If not, there should be.

This has made me remember the hymn we used to sing on the last day of term:

“Lord, dismiss us with thy blessings”. I think there was a version of the same hymn for the first day of term too.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius thank you for reminding me of that. I had completely forgotten about singing that. It’s a beautiful song. This has thrown up so many memories.

We would start our school day by saying the prayer
Into thy hands O Lord, we commend ourselves this day and always sang the Thank you for the world so sweet song before eating our school lunch.

supervalu.ie/real-food/recipes/kevins-chocolate-biscuit-cake

This is a lovely recipe. Lots of maltesers.

We did 'At the end of the day just kneel and pray, thank you Lord for our work and play'.
We go out with friends - 3 of us our northern prods, 1 northern Catholic and 1 Cork Catholic. The northern prods had a lot more religion in school and Sunday school despite the lack of nuns in the classroom.
One of the prods has a widowed dad in Co Antrim who was born again, and has put on a lot of weight due to church ladies feeling sorry for him and feeding him cake.

Killing him with kindness.

My Dsis Church does a magnificent traybake spread after special services.
They were asked to bring a newcomer. My eyes lit up and I started dreaming of all I’d have.
My heart sank when she said the Minister’s wife said, “We don’t any greedy hallions turning up, eating all round them never to be seen again”.
Sadly, that ruled me out

Did you all believe the Jesus stuff? I spent my days at school - especially secondary in complete bewilderment at all our educators pushing such ideas. I am amazed that you look back on it with such fondness - escape from religion was what I needed more than anything when I left N Ireland at 18 all those years ago - I’m sorry this thread has moved away from cakes...

Did you all believe the Jesus stuff?

I remember being taught at Sunday school that if I doubted it, even questioned it, for even a second, that was the only sin that could never be forgiven. God would know and that I'd burn in hell for all eternity.

I spent my childhood in absolute terror.

Did the other side have the same songs? Do the youth of today still do them?

At my girls' school, run by the sisters of mercy (pause here for Irish MNers to shudder) we actually had 'Hymns' on the timetable.

And at any prize giving we had 'Faith of our fathers', the school song and the nationa anthem, which is an odd combination.

The whole NI British/Irish RC/Protestant thing brings back memories of a camping holiday to the isle of man in July one year.

On the campsite was a a group of 'Bangor Boys Brigade', well when the 12th rolled around they had a high old time playing instruments, singing and I believe some alcohol was involved.

This carried on until quite late when some campers decided to shout their disaproval by telling them to 'Shut the F up, you Irish B'.

I didn't hear any replies but I did giggle at the thought the most offensive part of the insult was probably the 'Irish' bit.

My family are like a pick and mix of NI prod denominations (and non denominations) and for various reasons I got the really brimstoney ones as a child

I was told that God would read my mind, my thoughts weren't my own, and the world would be ending soon anyway, so no, I wouldn't get to be a teacher when I grew up. As I wasn't going to grow up. I also, allegedly, became saved at the age of two.

I'd had enough of it by the time I'd hit eight or nine, really, veered between feeling terrified and thinking it was all nonsense. I just can't believe in any sort of God at all, even though at times I think it would be quite nice to have a belief. If my lot had stuck with CoI, chances are I'd be some class of Christian to this day.

I'm pretty sure it's contributed to the whacking great dose of anxiety I developed in my teens, the upside being I feel like I've been preparing for the current situation all my life

Gosh, Beatrix, that sounds tough. I was lucky that the (Presbyterian) Church of Scotland followed by the United Reformed Church (successor to the Presbyterian Church of England and Wales, I think) after we moved to England were nothing like as brimstoney or dour. My parents are very devout Christians, fortunately in a quiet non-evangelical way, and I know it's been a great disappointment to them that neither my brother nor I go to church. Not sure what my brother would describe himself as - agnostic, possibly, but he did get married in church. I'm an atheist. I had a moment of revelation when I was about 13 or 14 that the reason I was struggling to believe in God wasn't because of some fault in me but because religion itself made no sense (to me, anyway).

We've come a long way from traybakes now!

Beatrix snap! That's exactly how I felt too. I had what I now realise was some sort of a breakdown when I was about 14, based on exactly the same stuff. It was triggered by an idle chat at lunchtime at school where a Brethren friend told me that the world would end before we were adults and that anyone over the age of 8 who wasn't saved would be in hell forever. Anyone who had kissed a boy - hell. Anyone whose parents weren't married - hell. Anyone who had bad thoughts - hell. I been brought up in a fire and brimstone type church too but something about the conversation set something off. I developed insomnia and panic attacks and lost most of my friends because I cried day and night and frankly they got fed up with me.

I had a wobble again recently when some evangelical friends started sharing on Facebook their thoughts about how this pandemic ties in with the book of revelation and is a precursor to The End. And I felt weepy for my children. Particularly my science loving 8 year old who is fascinated with the beginning of time, the big bang and astronomy type stuff, because of course that means that he has been taken in by what the devil wants him to believe, and he's over the age of 8, so...

It's so irrational but it's incredibly hard to shake off something that has been such a defining part of your childhood.

isabelle it really is. I didn't even get it full throttle, as by the time I hit my teens I was thankfully at a bit of a distance from it all, but other family members have hugely struggled. For me, it's more of an occasional knee jerk reaction - the Facebook posts and pandemic-end-of-world discussions, yes. The plague of locusts in March did give me a momentary pause Family members have been sending me all sorts of things. I tend to take the piss and have offered to feed their pets if they get raptured. But still. I had a chat with one of them recently where I pointed out that giving small children tracts showing demons and depicting the executions of Christians as ordered by the Beast
was probably just as disturbing as letting them watch some of the milder horror movies. Light seemed to briefly dawn, and then it was all "but they need to be warned"

As an adult I've had to train myself to think positively as a default - I don't mean that I'm Snow White levels of sweetness and light, but I realised that I was automatically looking for the downsides of everything, expecting the world to be a vale of tears, and looking for the catch in every pleasurable moment. The inevitable point where it all goes wrong. I had an absolute meltdown when I had my youngest child, I got out of hospital on the day they released that 12 years to change climate report. To be perfectly honest, in my heart of hearts, I still feel like i won't reach old age, because the world will end at any moment. Even though, rationally, I know that people have been predicting the apocalypse since we first crawled out of the primordial ooze.

And you can't argue with them either. They'd say any wobbles you were having were a sign from God, telling you that they're right, repent, etc etc.

Can I just interject here and ask that this thread remains respectful. I absolutely understand your trauma from what you experienced growing up. (I grew up Brethren so I experienced plenty of “turn or burn” theology myself)

I still believe all the Jesus stuff as you put it, but no, I’m not any of the things you mention above. I don’t believe that this pandemic is a sign of the end times - I mean, maybe it is - who knows. I’m not God! Even if it is though - what we all need right now is comfort and love and hope, not fear and loathing! I know the God I love is a God of comfort and of hope and of love - absolutely not a God of fear or punishment or condemnation. I am not sending memes or tracts to people at all - let alone with horrific images on them.

The othering of people in Northern Ireland has caused so much damage - we have lived a very long time in a society with an “us and them” mentality. Having that same mentality against believers is no less damaging.

This thread was started with some good natured banter at the heart of it (and a genuine plea for help in finding a good recipe!) and us Northern Irish are also very good at being self-effacing and having a good laugh at ourselves.

Let’s please keep this thread to the latter rather than the former - the self-effacing banter rather than the othering of people who believe differently from you.

Peace and love.

Well I ordered a griddle last night. Will let you know if my soda and tattie bread turns out. My Nanny was legendary for her soda bread and slims (wee orange woman she was too, 🤣 but couldn't bake wee buns to save her life).

I think the current situation gives us time to ponder. Sometimes darkly. My childhood was dominated by density of lions and fiery furnaces, rather than garden of Eden which is where Apple creams were invented.
In tandem with buying ingredients for traybakes, in my case.
So All Together...God who made the earth, the air the sky the sea...

Goodness, those experiences sound terrible. I realise all our experiences are different.
Nearly all of my family are non church goers. DH side were nearly all church goers but not in a fire and brimstone way. His mum and dad were attenders twice on Sunday. Involved in the choir but when DH went off to Uni he fell away.

It was my oldest Dsis and BIL that got me started from I was a child.
My participation was voluntary, which is why I view the experience differently to others.

I hear our Minister and other clergy say, it’s not about being a good person and doing right. If you’re not saved it’s meaningless.
For me, I know my relationship with God and he will be the judge of that.
It’s the ‘Bible bashers’ that put people off.

Sorry if I’ve been a little too serious.

Back to the traybakes. I’ve not managed to make my Lemon slices yet as somehow the condensed milk has disappeared off the shelves.
I wonder why 🤔

The something something birth
Something for me?

I know the tune (more or less).

I have a tin of condensed milk. It's rather old (I don't worry too much about best before dates, fortunately). Not sure what to do with it. There's an excellent recipe for mixed berry ice cream on the Carnation website but of course SoupDragon's flapjacks are divine. Or I could branch out into a traybake. Decisions, decisions ...

DH is a big fan of marzipan. In the days of romance, for Valentines I used to make him marzipan hearts covered in chocolate.

He was delighted to hear the Brides Slices mentioned up thread as they contain marzipan and asks daily have I managed to get the ingredients yet?
I made a crumble yesterday. Half apple, half peach.
With the lockdown, I wonder if home baking will become more popular? I know it has with me.

living my mum was a big griddle user but having a sweet tooth I didn’t get into it.
Is it soda bread, potato farls, wheaten you make or what other things are you planning?
I’m reluctant to even try scones as I said to DH they’re lovely and fresh the first day but after that you could smash windys with them.
Even my mum’s were the same.

JellyTots, if that was aimed at me, then I'm not sure where I have been in any way disrespectful or "othering". I'm sorry if my experiences make you uncomfortable, but frankly there's not much I can do about that, because they are my experiences and they happened.

I get on very well with all of my family, despite any religious differences, sometimes we disagree quite strongly over things, and we both think the other lot are wrong on many key points, but despite that we're very close and accept one another tor who we are. It still doesn't mean that elements of their beliefs weren't pretty unhealthy for a child to grow up around.

I don't understand why you automatically assume I'm lumping all Christians in together into the tract and brimstone category. How could I? 95% of my family, friends, and colleagues believe in God and go to a variety of places of worship on a regular basis. It wouldn't occur to me to put them all in the same boat because my experience isn't as narrow as you seem to assume it must be. Having a discussion isn't othering anybody

Back to the traybakes indeed.

I've just bought the new (ish) NI WI cookbook mentioned earlier.

It has neither Kangaroo Cake nor Menopause Cake in the recipes.

I'm disappointed!