Malteaser cake recipe - help a Catholic out

[Lunawuna]

Help on an Ecumenical matter please So I've been dipping into the world of traybakes - I can make a pretty respectable caramel square (nice, thick, chewy caramel!) and Mars bar crispy square, but I need a good recipe for Malteaser cake.

I tried the BBC Good Food recipe the other day and it didn't have that lovely feeling of your pupils dilating with the sweetness of it all like a good traybake normally has. Am I doomed to never get it right because of my lack of Prod blood? Help! How can getting the right ratio of digestive biscuits, butter, syrup and chocolate be so hard?!

I'm normally a good baker! Honest!

Jesus loves me
This I know
For the Bible tells me so

Can't remember the rest, but the tune to that part is there.

Summer suns are glowing
Over land and sea...

Ahh, who knew Egg would send us down this path of childhood choruses.
Gaspode, many years ago I would sing Jesus loves me in the bath to my large pregnant bump.
We’ve covered some good topics on this thread so far.

There's usually scallions in Presbyterian salad horrible things taint everything.

If anyone had a copy of Ballyblack Presbyterian YWG cookbook from the 80s I would pay huge sums of money. Best chocolate and coffee cake ever. Sadly mum's was lost in the great microwave fire of 2000 😢.

Any recommendations for a griddle? I fancy making tattie bread.

The Lord's Army! We used to sing that at the summer scheme we went to at the Presbyterian church. I take (well, took) DS to a local mums and tots. We have a wee sing song at the end. Mostly nursery rhymes, but occasionally something like "the wise man built his house upon the rock", or "the animals went in 2 by 2". Somehow, the words to these manage to dredge themselves up from the depths of my brain

Deep and wide.

I remember as a small child mishearing the 'plunge right in, lose your sin' bit as 'lose your sieve'. And taking things quite literally I envisaged jumping headlong into a fountain whilst carrying a nylon sieve which subsequently got lost in the water. I always thought it was a strange way to praise Jesus. When I was put right, I felt a bit silly

Today's earworm... Jesus wants me for a sunbeam. Sing it as a round, how delightful. Get your children to join in.
Like Ned Flanders!

...are these children's choruses a particular thing for the good Prod children of the 70/80s?

Did the other side have the same songs? Do the youth of today still do them?

Jesus bids us shine
With a pure clear light
Shining like a candle
Something in the night

Dum di dum di dum etc etc

You in your small corner
And I in mine.

Ahh, my late Mum used to sing this to me and I can feel my weight on her knee as if it was now.

And the Wise Man Built his House upon the Rock takes me right back to Baptist Sunday School. We weren't Baptists, it was the only one available.

I'm in my 50s.

Has anyone heard of a traybake called "Kangaroo Cake"? It is a thing of beauty and brought an abrupt end to the only successful diet I did. I've got a bit of a handwritten recipe (broken biscuits and chocolate basically) from my Mum's recipe book but it's been made so often, the recipe's been greased out .

Did the other side have the same songs? Do the youth of today still do them?

The children today seem to spend a lot of time singing 'Our God is a great big God' and 'Jesus is my Superhero'. Which has lyrics about Jesus being better than Batman which always causes my husband to mutter 'Batman isn't a superhero. He's a vigilante' until I dig him in the ribs and tell him to behave himself in church.

The Boys Brigade are still very fond of The Lord's Army. They love all that faux military stuff.

My mum's recipe (very similar to link above)

146g malteasers

Sure you're setting us up to fail right there @Streaky17.

My kids learned Jesus loves me, but the chorus was yelled. I think Catholic children have boring folk mass things to sing in holy ways at first communion.
The prods have the good hymns, my mother loved Methodist services as the singing was high speed. She was a Methody old girl.

Ah see I like our hymns. DS's school seem to like a bit of "Our God is a great big God" at the end of assembly and it's a bit Prod for my liking. What's wrong with Shine Jesus Shine, I ask you?

Our BB boys loved

I may never bend like banana mine
Climb like spiderman
Fly like superman
Indiana Jones is not the kind of guy I am
For I'm in the Lords army

JellyTots, where did you get that lemon meringue filling? I've been looking everywhere

On the subject of dry weddings, I was a bridesmaid at one. Sadly I and a few others were backslidden, and I'm sorry to say I smuggled a box of Smirnoff Ices underneath my big dress. I put the skirts over it and kicked it gently forward vs a sort of modest shuffle.

When DH came to his first Beatrix family wedding, and this will out me because I told it to everyone, he wanted to bring a wad of cash to the fancy bar. I told him he'd have change of a tenner. We had a bit of a row. Got to the wedding, realisation set in, he was lucky to get half a pint of Guinness, because the bride's grandfather was also the sort of maniac who drinks half a pint on special occasions.

There was this glorious moment during the toasts. Wine glasses of orange Mi Wadi were raised high, the sun streaking through the windows, faces aglow with faith and good living, and there was wee Catholic DH as white as a ghost and hoping they wouldn't spot his pint

In my day, it was Sunday school every Sunday afternoon, singing these type of choruses, bible story and a bit of colouring in on the story page. I always missed the first 10 minutes as I stayed to see the end of the Sunday film on TV 😬.

Not sure what the kids are singing these days but once a month in our church they have a kids service with miming and stuff.
No harm, but I tend to give these a miss as they’re a bit like a GB/BB display. Attended under sufferance.

Loved singing in our Primary/Secondary school assembly every morning but that was many years ago.

@JellyTotsGrewTooBig, sorry not to have replied about the lemon meringue pie mix before! I would think that's what she uses now, but when I was growing up I think it was Royal. Green's seems familiar as a brand name, though.

GB and BB displays are the worst things ever. 100 different ways to get kids to walk round a church hall. I was delighted when this year's succumbed to Corona virus.

I was delighted when this year’s succumbed to Coronavirus
As Dick Emery said, “Oh you are awful, but I like you”.
Showing my age here!

@BeatrixPottersAlterEgo I bought it a fair while ago (as you can see from the date on it) - I think the last time I used it was for DD’s birthday afternoon tea in September. I probably bought it in Sainsburys, but might have been Asda.

Don’t get me started on choruses - this Brethren girls knows them all!

As for what the kids sing now - it’s all Fischy music now and I hate it! My DDs sing the songs in school Assembly as well as in church - it makes me weep. I’m going to dig out my old come and praise book to teach them proper school songs, and I’m sure there’s some old overheads lying around somewhere with the words of all the choruses - not that I need them - they’re branded on my brain forever.

The favourite in our afternoon Sunday school was “Away far beyond Jordan” because you linked hands with people and rocked like you were on the boat, and tried to push hard to get the people on the ends of the row to fall off their seats.

School sports on a grey day are worse than gb displays. It was Royal pie filling in our house, protestant pie filling as opposed to Greene's. There's a dup issue.
I love a glass of watery orange at a northern wedding, far better than shloer. And a selection of potatoes.

this thread is brilliant, but nobody has answered to say what menopause cake (made by Unitarians) actually is.... is it some kind of typo? Madeira cake? Just a really dry cake? An unbearably hot cake?

but nobody has answered to say what menopause cake (made by Unitarians) actually is....

I don't know if this is what the poster meant by it, but Russell Howard mused over what a menopause occasion cake would be like. Something along the lines of "very dry... why's there no jam? did you run out of eggs?"

My goodness, I remember all those songs! How about:
Get the new look
From the old book
Get the new look
From the bible ....

Shine your light house
For Jesus
Be a light house
Shining bright...

Guess what I’m doing
Can you say
How am I helping
My mother today (along with actions like pretending to iron, sweep etc)

I could go on forever!

I just googled Menopause cake and whether it’s an updated version I don’t know.
It really is a cake full of good, healthy fulsome ingredients for ladies going through the menopause.

If that’s all I have to look forward to, shoot me now.
Hoping there is an unhealthy version available 😬
www.google.co.uk/search?q=menopause+cake&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari

Zacchaeus was a greedy little man....
I don't like the sound of a healthy cake.