Malteaser cake recipe - help a Catholic out

[Lunawuna]

Help on an Ecumenical matter please So I've been dipping into the world of traybakes - I can make a pretty respectable caramel square (nice, thick, chewy caramel!) and Mars bar crispy square, but I need a good recipe for Malteaser cake.

I tried the BBC Good Food recipe the other day and it didn't have that lovely feeling of your pupils dilating with the sweetness of it all like a good traybake normally has. Am I doomed to never get it right because of my lack of Prod blood? Help! How can getting the right ratio of digestive biscuits, butter, syrup and chocolate be so hard?!

I'm normally a good baker! Honest!

who on earth came up with an apple and mars bar sandwich
The mind boggles. Some questions are better left unanswered
I have to confess I’ve never tried one but I am quite partial to a sausage roll sandwich with brown sauce, so maybe not the best person to answer your question.

What about our Gloria - I bet she loves a good traybake. (Although also feel that she is probably partial to a wee gigantic pavlova)

Eamonn Holmes would know his way round a traybake I bet.

But again, he'd have to change his name. Raymond Holmes maybe.

@opinionatedfreak my 15 recipe would be
15 digestive biscuits
15 marshmallows
15 glacé cherries
379grm tin of carnation condensed milk.
Coconut for a generous dusting of greaseproof paper.

I usually put the marshmallows whole into the crumbs and snip with scissors, using the crumbs to coat to stop them sticking.

Also I don’t like glacé cherries so I leave these out and add 3-4 more biscuits, so not true 15s.

Our Gloria is a good suggestion.
Eamonn is on the list too, Ruth permitting.
Maybe Mary Peters to keep us on track
Kenneth Branagh if he’s not went too luvvy?

My issue with fifteens is nobody else here eats them so I'd have to eat them all, and also I can't stop eating condensed milk once I start.
It's a bit odd that we can pinpoint people's perceived religious affiliation, and related it to confectionery.

It's a bit odd that we can pinpoint people's perceived religious affiliation, and related it to confectionery.

It's like a N Ireland superpower.

Egg, it’s definitely possible to cut the quantities down! You could make threes or fives or eights etc. Just reduce the carnation and coconut down accordingly.

Are we allowed to go to the other side with our judges? You know, all in the name of cross community relations...

Cos if so, then I’m pulling for Liam Neeson for the face and Paddy Kielty for the laughs.

Patrick kielty looks like he works out, eamon Holmes looks like he'd enjoy an encounter with a golden syrup based snack.

Doesn't Patrick Kielty live in LA now? That would suck the traybake joy out of anyone. It would be all 'you could replace the condensed milk with organic cultured yaks milk, sweetened with agave. And you could swap the crushed digestives for quinoa'.

Eamon Homes is a self absorbed dick according to my Granny, though she phrased it differently.

You'd have to keep Iris and Jimmy away from younger contestants of the opposite sex and alcohol. Far too exhausting.

What about that chef who used to be on TV doing homecooking? Rosemary or Pamela or a name like that.. Her and Paddy Kielty. Either that or a group of elderly ladies from church catering groups who are kind but politely horrified by less successful attempts.

What about that chef who used to be on TV doing homecooking?

Clare Connery? Or is that going too far into the past?

Jenny Bristow? Clare Connery would be about 100 surely.
The wife of the current Presbyterian moderator would always be a good choice of judge, to keep contestants work ethic up. They rotate every year I think.

Yes! Jenny Bristow! Thanks, I was drawing a complete blank there

Graham Norton's mother is from Belfast, so he might have first hand knowledge of NI Protestant tray bakes.

Can't believe nobody has mentioned poor "help I'm stuck in Donard car park, the light is fading and so am I" Nolan

I'm nominating Jamie Dornan for eye candy judge. He can stay with me while he's over here filming.
I hate fifteens and top hats, . In the 80's I went to the local tech, I did a childcare course, there was a good few girls from the country on it. I caused a stir by my lack of knowledge on traybakes.

He'd make you very nervous standing beside you while you rub your fat into flour, you need cool hands for that! Maybe he could just present?
If I was a judge on Bake Off I'd be Nolan shaped, they are always slim.

Lol at peak prod!

My parents used to ask 25 years ago whenever anybody got engaged, ''oh, and is he/she a good sound protestant'' oh how we laughed. I thought that was peakprod. They shortened it to GSP. It was a joke, even back then. Well, it was 97% joke!

I cannot make cakes though, I use a betty crocker mix if I have to produce a cake. I'm from Dublin though which explains everything.

I'm Unitarian and we strive to understand all faiths. Therefore, I feel it is my spiritual duty to make and eat these traybakes. Unitarian baking usually involves rainbow sponges and menopause cake.

Ok, I don't want to, but I have to... menopause cake

This is all very interesting.

Apart from a wedding (which I can't even recall the denomination of - although there was no tiffin), the only religious establishment I ever went to in NI was in a random terraced house somewhere near Queens, where my American date insisted I came to. There was much singing and hand-waving, a touchy-feely prayer circle, and hugging. I believe they served vegetarian pasta afterwards.

My cousin married a Presbyterian ministers sister. It was a dry wedding. And the bride had artificial flowers.