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Original poster

I cannot do this until September, I just fucking can't

384 replies

Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 19:09

The press conferences today with Raab and Sturgeon saying it won't be safe to reopen schools any time soon have just sent me into a tailspin. I'm at home with a 3 year old on. Both dh and I are lucky enough to have jobs (for now) but we still work a 40 hour week and both of us have constant calls and meetings. It is impossible to work around ds. Neither of us can be furloughed as we are paid from public funds. We live in a 2 bedroom flat with no garden. I'm used to seeing my mum 3-4 times a week and ds cries every day because he misses her. Every day is relentless and we are working until midnight and getting up at 5 to fit everything in.

I can't do this until September. I just cant.

OP posts:
fascinated · 05/05/2020 20:31

OP, you’re Fine. You are absolutely fine. Don’t start blaming yourself.

crustycrab · 05/05/2020 20:32

Trust fair enough. We don't know who is getting what they want. Hopefully we will find out on Sunday at the latest. Who knows?

I respect your opinions and it's bloody hard for everyone in their own way.

Don't want to derail the thread anymore. OP you do what you need to do. And take the mortgage holiday if it will wade the stress

Willowmartha1 · 05/05/2020 20:32

Feel the same I'm finding it incredibly difficult but I've seen lots of comments on daily mail of people saying there's no way they will send their children back to school and are happy to be fined so guess not everyone is struggling which astounds me actually.

Bollss · 05/05/2020 20:33

Don't be sorry! There is nothing wrong with being honest about how you feel. There is nothing wrong with feeling like you do either. Not many people could cope with the situation you're in. I certainly couldn't.

rossKemp · 05/05/2020 20:34

Did you really need to make me feel worse than I already do? What was the point? Did it make you feel good about yourself?

I’m just offering a different perspective. Clearly your lives are very full on - working 80 hours a week between you, living in a very small space and your toddler in childcare for nearly 80% of the week. You sound close to breaking point. All I’m saying is that it might be a good time to re evaluate. Life’s too short to live as unhappily as you are. I’m a bit taken aback by your reaction, I’m really not being mean!

Bollss · 05/05/2020 20:34

@Willowmartha1 I've seen the same.

Perhaps that's a good thing. Those who don't want to send their kids in - don't.

Those who do can and maybe social distancing can be a little more easily maintained if there are less children.

Sweetpea84 · 05/05/2020 20:35

I’m in the same boat my mental health has been bad since losing my baby but I’ve been coping ok till this happened and it’s tipped me over the edge again to the point I googled how to end my life a few nights ago. Anyway I talked to the family support worker at my children’s school as she has helped me a lot and she spoke to the head who has agreed for the children to come in for a couple of day’s a week as I need some time to sort myself out. So maybe worth it if anybody is struggling, to reach out to their children’s school. It’s only on a trial bases to see if my children will be ok one is 4 the other is 8 it might be tricky for them so I’ll see how it goes. But being the idiot I am I’m now feeling guilty for doing this.

MrsJosh lovely for you you’re enjoying it I don’t really think this is the place to post your smugness because a lot of us are finding this awful.

adag · 05/05/2020 20:35

These are unprecedented circumstances... don't feel bad, your situation is tough and everyone I know trying to balance work and childcare is struggling and bloody knackered (I'm on mat leave and struggling and bloody knackered too for what it's worth). No one can do a full time job and look after a child full time. No advice just sending some positive thoughts your way and hoping some of the earlier suggestions work out.

Oh, and ignore stupid comments like @rosskemp. Nursery for 5 days is a perfectly good environment for a 3 year old - they need structure and other children at that age and nursery can provide that perfectly.

Bollss · 05/05/2020 20:35

I’m just offering a different perspective. Clearly your lives are very full on - working 80 hours a week between you, living in a very small space and your toddler in childcare for nearly 80% of the week

@rossKemp have you ever considered this might not be a choice and might be a necessity? Not all of us can live on 1 or 1.5 wages, you know?

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:36

Life’s too short to live as unhappily as you are

I'm unhappy because there's a global pandemic, we are in lockdown and I can't see my family. I was absolutely fine before, doing better than I have been in years in fact.

OP posts:
GinghamStyle · 05/05/2020 20:37

Are you able to continue your therapy via Skype or by phone?

During the weekend and your “week off” next week, fully research all of your options - going on sick leave, if you can work part-time, working out childcare with your partner and family etc

I’d have thought work would have been more inclined to let you do part-time hours rather than risk you having to be signed off sick. I really hope you get something sorted xx

callmeadoctor · 05/05/2020 20:37

To be fair, your employers are going to have to be flexible if you have a toddler, even without corona around he could be ill and you would have to take time off?

Original poster
Elmerrrrrrrr · 05/05/2020 20:37

And our flat is fine for the 3 of us, it is just small at the moment because we cannot go out. In normal times our lifestyle is absolutely fine.

OP posts:
rossKemp · 05/05/2020 20:39

@TrustTheGeneGenie @rossKemp have you ever considered this might not be a choice and might be a necessity? Not all of us can live on 1 or 1.5 wages, you know?

Clearly I don’t fully know the OP’s situation though I’d imagine anyone paying for 5 days worth of childcare a week can probably afford to reduce their hours. I’m just saying it might be something to think about. What the OP does is nothing to do with me. I’m just offering another perspective

crustycrab · 05/05/2020 20:39

Don't get hung up on Ross and those silly comments.

I hope you find a way to get through it all

GinghamStyle · 05/05/2020 20:40

@TrustTheGeneGenie @Willowmartha1

That’s fine for people who don’t have a job to get back to! There are a lot of parents who will be under pressure to return to work soon, and will need schools and childcare facilities to reopen to enable that.

Bollss · 05/05/2020 20:42

Clearly I don’t fully know the OP’s situation though I’d imagine anyone paying for 5 days worth of childcare a week can probably afford to reduce their hours

Clearly youve not thought very hard either because ops 3yo probably gets some funded hours.

It costs me on average 410 to send my 4yo to nursery a month. If I reduced to part time hours id be worse off.

And you know what? Some of us actually like working. We just don't like trying to do it at home during a pandemic with a 3yo and no childcare.

Needallthesleep · 05/05/2020 20:42

@Elmerrrrrrrr totally with you. You have all my sympathies. I have no advice, but apparently misery loves company and we are in a similar position to you. It’s very very very hard.

I do think nurseries will be back much earlier though. My view is June.

Bollss · 05/05/2020 20:43

That’s fine for people who don’t have a job to get back to! There are a lot of parents who will be under pressure to return to work soon, and will need schools and childcare facilities to reopen to enable that

I know I am one of them! Grin

I meant if people who can keep their kids of school and want to, do just that, it might free up capacity for those of us who want to send our kids to school in order to work.

Willowmartha1 · 05/05/2020 20:44

@ginghamstyle exactly me included !!

Mightymurphy · 05/05/2020 20:44

OnlyJudyCanJudgeMe

Please can you give evidence to where it has been confirmed that Scottish schools won’t go back until after summer. You seem very sure and I’d like to know where this has come from.

Gottheteeshirtandlostit · 05/05/2020 20:45

OP - you are trying to do the impossible. With or without mental health issues you need to see that you can't physically work a 40 hour day and look after a toddler. Both your work and your partner's work need to understand this.

Do either of you have a union or trade body who can give you advice?

If not you need to tell your employer that it is simply not possible to continue as you are. Offer some solutions - like the split day idea offered above (you 6-12, your dp 12-6). So what if your employer expects you to be on call - IT ISN'T POSSIBLE, This is NOT normal working from home - this is coping from home. Set it down in an unemotional email for your employer and ask for their solution. Tell them that the alternative is you going on long term sick leave because your health is at risk.

DuMondeB · 05/05/2020 20:45

Your situation does sound pretty stressful Flowers
The fact you’ve held it together, working from home with a 3 year old and no garden this far seems pretty impressive to me.

It’s ok to have a freak out and need a vent or a cry.

Things will get better, albeit gradually.

Perhaps it would help to write a list of the positives, secure roof over your head, three healthy people, 2 wages, a son and partner who you love, a mum nearby who misses you as much as you miss her and all the abilities you have and character traits you are proud of?

Feel free to ignore me if that sounds like hippy claptrap 😂

Willowmartha1 · 05/05/2020 20:46

So maybe the narrative should be that parents that have to send their children back to school/nursery in order to work do so and those parents that don't work, are shielding, working from home, furloughed etc keep theirs at home this making it easier for social distancing.

DianaT1969 · 05/05/2020 20:46

If neither of you are in the vulnerable category would you consider letting your DC go to a local childminder? Perhaps a member of staff at nursery who wants the income. It isn't (in my opinion) any more high risk than key worker's children attending school. The childminder would be working from home, so he/she wouldn't be breaking rules. It's mixing 2 households, but you'd have to decide if that's appropriate as we're coming out of lockdown slowly.

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