What r'ship do you currently have with neighbours and what r'ship do you want?

[FTMF30]

Since CV19 our road have joined a group WhatsApp. I didn't particularly want to join the group but didn't want to ignore the invitation either. So I joined. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at first but now it's all getting too pally for me. I'm dreading the plans being made for "when it's all over". Now they've sent round an invite for a bloody VE day celebration where we all sit in our front gardens and play music. I don't want to do that. I know I can simply not take part but I've felt awkward enough for not going out to religiously clap. It's like social judgement if you don't.

I much prefer neighbours to be those you exchange pleasantries with if you see them and not much more.

I think I'm just a socially awkward person, bordeline miserable (🤷‍♀️). But I just dont like how things have become (people posting pics in their garden, new appliances, their kids playing, etc) Am I miserable? What kind of relationship do you have with your neighbours and is it the type of relationship you want?

Just a pleasant nod to neighbours and a good morning or whatever if we see them walk by.

Immediate ndn on Whattsapp only because we take parcels in for each other occasionally. Sometimes sends me videos on it, I mostly ignore and don’t feel the need to encourage it. When feeling a bit more sociable I reply with an emoji or similar so I don’t come across as too unsociable . It’s just right, for us anyway.

I have no desire to have any relationship with one side. Glad I overheard they are splitting up and selling the house. Not stunned by this news and glad I will no longer be woken up by the screaming at midnight.
The other wise are fine. I live in the middle of nowhere and she is an E R nurse and her and her family are lovely.
The whole village has come together during this. It has been amazing to watch and I’m proud to live here

I live on a very friendly street and it’s lovely although I am a very awkward person and so still haven’t got much past ‘hello’ with most. There is a street party every year and some years I go and others I don’t feel like it. I don’t judge anyone who doesn’t join in and I am pretty sure they don’t judge me when I don’t. Do what you are comfortable with, if you don’t want to be in the group, leave it. People tend to be too caught up in their own lives to wonder about their neighbours beyond the odd bit of curtain twitching. Life is too short!

I like to be on nodding and smiling terms at least, bit wary of more after becoming close to our NDN a couple of years ago which then became very awkward when the guy had a female 'friend' round when his girlfriend was on holiday and it promptly turned out he was cheating, they had a messy break up which involved her leaving her worldly belongings in my spare room and then planning to disappear off abroad.

Anyway I digress. I used to think it was lovely to have neighbours you socialise with but now I'll settle for a cheery good morning and leave it at that!

We chat over the garden fence to the next door neighbours on both sides. I don't know anyone else in the street and don't particularly want to. I'm not very sociable and am happy to be left alone.

None, and none.

We see them and say hello, might even chat for a minute or so.

I don't want anything more.

Couple of doors away are lovely, kids all grew up together so known them a long time...next door otherside are just hideous, but play on the 'we are reasonable people' when they are anything but!

Well now I'm slightly worried that you're my neighbour 🙈

We all get on brilliantly are currently organising our VE day celebrations.However, we all got on very well before lockdown and we live in a very sociable village - the type of place where it takes you twice as long as it should to go to the shop because you end up chatting to everyone.
I bloody love it.

I’d rather not. We moved to a ‘naice’ estate thinking we’d left our crappy neighbours behind. 5 years later and this house is on the market as soon as this is over. We’ve got yappy dogs in three directions, a drinker who likes to spend his days nursing cans of Stella in the garden listening to shit FM for approximately 8 hours a day, another neighbour whose teen plays bass guitar, badly, a lot, and another neighbour who has slightly too much pleasure for AC/DC, also a lot. I just want some fucking peace, so NO, I don’t and wouldn’t want to be friends with any of them.

I envy some of you. I wish our road could stop at a friendly hello. On the other hand I really wouldn't like any tension with my neighbours either.

@HenSolo You are right. I'm probably overthinking it as I don't have much to do right now. I wouldn't leave the group as there's been a few bits of useful information on there. But I really need to get a grip with not caring what they'll think if I don't join in the group banter and the like.

None and none. I prefer arms length relationships with immediate neighbours. Hello, take parcels in, offers of neighbourly help ie. Jump start a car, lend a spade etc.

My next door neighbour wanted a different relationship. She wanted a silent neighbour she could call in on when she wanted (like the elderly lady who lived here for the 70 years before I came along). Unfortunately (for her) she got a normal working, busy family making normal noise who don't have time for uninvited pop-ins. She was furious. For 9 years she made my life miserable and anxious at home in case I coughed a little too loud. After her losing her shit banging on my windows and screaming through the walls that I was a whore one early morning (I was asleep, she woke me!) I called the police. Police were very helpful, and had a word. Now I've had 3 years of total peace. Not even looked me in the eye since. Bloody nut job. The warning scared her off completely. I just wish I'd done it 9 years ago.

A sociable village would be my worst nightmare. I love nature and being able to step out of my front door and go for a long country walk would be wonderful but I'd hate living somewhere where everyone knows everyone else's business. I'm much happier being anonymous in a small town.

I'm in the same position as you OP. I've had to mute our road what's app group as it's constantly filled with shite memes and 'hilarious' videos.
I've nothing against my neighbours but there are limits

I used to be friends with a couple of our neighbours as our kids played together but they’ve now moved. We are still friends. With the neighbours that are left and our newer neighbours we have a quick chat, take parcels for each other but that’s about it. A couple of them are really nosy. I definitely wouldn’t want to be in a WhatsApp group with them or have organised street events. I think I’d have to consider moving. 😬

None other than taking the odd parcel in and pleasantries, which is thankfully what we have. We are antisocial and like to keep ourselves to ourselves luckily our street seems like that generally! Everyone seems nice enough but just gets on with their lives. We are detached which I suppose helps as there's no shared walls or access to stuff to argue over.

Out of the 70 or so houses in our inner London street, we know people to say hello to in maybe 25 of them. A few are definitely friends. We have a street WhatsApp group and a Covid-19 support team. I love it, and it's a strong reason why we'd be very reluctant to move.

Nod/say hello, the odd half a minute chat. That’s as far as I want it to go, thanks.

A hello on passing at the most and we take in each others parcels (before covid) and that's it.
It hasn't changed and I don't want it to change. I don't want 'get togethers' or street parties thank you very much.

I thought I'd hate living somewhere really sociable and was mortified when my DH ( boyfriend at the time) went round to introduce himself to the neighbours when we moved here. 😂

But it's absolutely fabulous and we're so lucky to live here.
There are so many village events throughout the year - it's a really fun place to live.
My neighbour has just left some homemade iced bund on my doorstep and another has just added some wine to her online order fire. I can't complain 😂

I'm wondering if you live in my road OP !!!!!

I feel exactly the same as you and actually I think it's in bad taste organising a 'party' at the moment.

My immediate next door neighbours (who are awful) is organising a BBQ for the road. I'm wondering how that can be done by socially distancing.

They are also organising singing etc.

I have no desire to take part but like you don't want to appear the party pooper of the road.

Before the COVID 19 Road WhatsApp group, much the same as you. We'd take parcels in for each other, exchange a wave if we happened to be arriving / leaving the house at the same .

Since the Group - like you - people have started getting to know each other better and I think it is lovely. In fact I wonder if you are in my road.
However, our Road has around 80 houses in it, and there are plenty of people a) in the Group that never say anything and b) not in the Group.
Same with the coming outside and clapping - a lot do, but (in the houses I can see from where I stand) there are several that don't.
I can reassure you I don't "think anything" about them. None of my business who does come out, who chooses not to, and why people choose to or choose not to. I certainly don't think anything less of someone because they don't stand outside their house and clap.

OTOH, I have loved the kindness of people who have picked up some shopping / lent out their lawnmower / offered to photocopy a template for some bunting / sewn scrub bags for Nurses and other hospital and care home staff / provided materials to the sewers / gone to the chemist to get calpol for the Mum whose little one became ill / collected the newspaper for the elderly couple who are self isolating / shared out produce from their garden / collected carried bags and egg boxes for the local food bank who had run out / Handed down an outgrown child's bike to another family / the benevolent older lady who left Easter Eggs on the doorstep of the families with children / and so many other things that have only happened since the Road WhatsApp group.

So yes, that is the kind of road I want to live in.
DH OTOH isn't so keen . That's fine. He isn't in the Group and won't be joining us for the 'Picnic in the Park'.

It's not bad taste to organise a party. We've been socialising as a street ( while social distancing) and it's been a lifeline for those living alone.

Note - 'sewers' = 'people who sew', not drains

@SueEllenMishke We're definitely not neighbours lol. It sounds lovely if you like that type of thing. Would be a nightmare for my introverted self!

Take parcels in and say hello if I notice or recognise them. NDN on the not joined side are fine; him and dh are friends with each other and usually help each other do the gardens etc.