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Original poster

What r'ship do you currently have with neighbours and what r'ship do you want?

130 replies

FTMF30 · 02/05/2020 17:16

Since CV19 our road have joined a group WhatsApp. I didn't particularly want to join the group but didn't want to ignore the invitation either. So I joined. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at first but now it's all getting too pally for me. I'm dreading the plans being made for "when it's all over". Now they've sent round an invite for a bloody VE day celebration where we all sit in our front gardens and play music. I don't want to do that. I know I can simply not take part but I've felt awkward enough for not going out to religiously clap. It's like social judgement if you don't.

I much prefer neighbours to be those you exchange pleasantries with if you see them and not much more.

I think I'm just a socially awkward person, bordeline miserable (🤷‍♀️). But I just dont like how things have become (people posting pics in their garden, new appliances, their kids playing, etc) Am I miserable? What kind of relationship do you have with your neighbours and is it the type of relationship you want?

OP posts:
MaudesMum · 02/05/2020 19:25

I'm a bit of an introvert, but when I moved to the town where I now live I took a deliberate decision to move to a terrace with "a strong community feel" - as I thought it would stop me being too isolated (I live by myself, am freelance and work mainly from home). Before the lockdown I found it worked really well, especially in the summer when everyone is outside more - it means there's nearly always someone to have a brief chat to - and there were occasional events like street parties but no pressure to get involved. Since the lockdown we're all seeing a lot more of each other (as we're all being very good and not going anywhere) and I've found it a bit much - so am hiding away slightly more - but because everyone is very chilled there's no pressure to get involved in the Thursday clapping for example - and it is nice to be able to have a socially distanced chat with a real human being over a fence. Our only 70+ residents are being supported by several of us in terms of shopping, and we're all sharing tips about places to buy food and so on. Given the general vibe of the terrace, I'm not convinced VE day is going to be a big thing with us, thank goodness.

SueEllenMishke · 02/05/2020 19:26

Well I could avoid them but that would mean not going to the pub at all and avoiding all events... which is pretty difficult as one of them closes all access roads in and out of the village for the whole day.

I didn't know them when I moved here 5 years ago but got to know them through drinking in the pub. Now our kids go to the same school and play together at weekends. It's nice.

Whatsgoingonrightnow · 02/05/2020 19:34

One side sadly died back in December. It was an elderly woman who lived alone and we often would help her out with small tasks she needed doing. She always gave us food as thanks, not that we asked for it of course but she’d pop out sometimes and hand our DC packets of biscuits and such. Lovely woman, she died very suddenly although of course was in her eighties so these things happen.

We have briefly met the new owners but obviously given the current situation they are yet to move in. They seemed nice enough. The other side have never spoken to us for some reason, we tried to greet them when we first moved in but they just blanked us which was weird. Two middle aged women live there with two dogs. Appreciate people like to keep themselves to themselves (I do too) but blanking a basic hello is just strange imo.

Onone · 02/05/2020 19:37

None,I can’t stand them!..we keep ourselves to ourselves but they always find things to bitch about,they don’t know I can hear everything they have said!

Nomorewineever · 02/05/2020 19:58

@MondeoFan I’m not adverse. But I’m not so fond of the 2am-6am sessions loudly audible inside my closed double glazing.

Original poster
FTMF30 · 02/05/2020 20:45

@LotKell Organising singing?! I guess I have to count my blessings. There's been no suggestion of that. . .yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
FTMF30 · 02/05/2020 20:48

I'm also very thankful I don't hate my neighbours. Having bad blood between us would be much worse than excessive friendliness.

OP posts:
MondeoFan · 02/05/2020 21:06

@Nomorewineever no I wouldn't either. I thought you might like them as you knew what music it was 😀

BackforGood · 02/05/2020 21:18

I don’t need to spend 8 hours a day with my neighbours. In fact, I don’t need to spend any time with them at all. So I don’t.

I can't imagine any neighbours spend 8 hours a day with each other. No-one in suggesting that. What people are surprised at is the way some people choose to isolate themselves so much from community.
I don't 'spend time with' my neighbours, but we'd all help each other if we could...... keep an eye on the house when they are away....clear the drive for someone vulnerable to slipping, when it snows.....hold a 'spare key' or let them wait inside if they get locked out....... be willing to lend a tool or lend a hand if someone needed help...... help in a medical emergency...... etc etc. It's basic human interaction - not even reaching so high a level as 'basic kindness' in my book.

heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 21:19

BackforGood No, I don’t need any of the things you’ve suggested there. I’m not interested in having any of those interactions with my neighbours.

Teacup34 · 02/05/2020 21:29

I would happily slap my neighbours into the middle of next week they are hateful, the horrible old man called my husband a c*nt today 😤 just awful people! on the one side anyway our other neighbours are fine they are quiet and keep to themselves just a polite hello over the fence.

Ninkanink · 02/05/2020 21:32

Fuck no I wouldn’t let a neighbour hold a spare key to my home.

I also have never needed any of those things mentioned above from neighbours, and as far as I can tell any kind of close relationships with a neighbourhood ‘community’ seems to have quite a lot of downsides, the sum of which I feel outweighs any potential benefits.

I’m happy to take care of myself, and would generally prefer that others keep their polite distance. But I’ve always been quite self-reliant and find that any reciprocal relationships (except for my personal relationship) have been heavily weighted toward my helping others much more than they could help me.

SueEllenMishke · 02/05/2020 21:36

backforgood exactly.
We get snowed in a couple of times a year so knowing your neighbours is very useful!
In recent weeks it's been a god send.

crazycatgal · 02/05/2020 22:16

Can't imagine ever giving a spare key to a neighbour. If we ever go away then family or a close friend has a spare key, same for everyone I know.

gamerchick · 02/05/2020 22:25

I take in parcels, maybe have a small chat with next door and that's it. No clapping or any of that bollocks happens. No way would I join a group in the first place.

Good luck OP Grin

Dogwalks2 · 02/05/2020 22:29

I am very friendly with 2 of my neighbours and would go as far to say in school girl’s speak we are bfs for the 15 years grown stronger as we all get older. Very different people with different views and jobs but these ladies are always on hand for me. We also are friendly with everyone else on our road but they are older and we all look out for them. I love my area.xx

Cecilia2016 · 02/05/2020 22:44

I live in the area which mostly have old people and a lot of them keep it to themselves and I keep it to myself with my family. My next door neighbour are quiet but we do say hello when we meet outside and that’s all.

indemMUND · 02/05/2020 23:01

No relationship with neighbours other than saying hi when I see them.
Apart from next door. She's in her 80s and makes a beeline for me if I'm coming into the house or in the front garden. She watches everything from her window, so will comment on what she's seen me do recently. Then ask a question about whatever she's seen me do/something she's observed in my back garden. Then talks at me about herself for a good minute. When she's finished, even if you ask a question she will literally wave her hand in dismissal and walk away. She does the same to all the

indemMUND · 02/05/2020 23:03

Sorry pressed post too soon.

She does the same to all other nearby neighbours. "I've seen you do so and so" "Why/Where?" Mememememe. Hand wave of dismissal and off she pops.

indemMUND · 02/05/2020 23:06

Last time she made a beeline for me, I was with DD coming back from doing a big shop. Struggling with heavy bags. I put up with it until during her mememe part she swore in front of DD so I walked away and left her mid sentence.

bettybattenburg · 02/05/2020 23:09

None and that's fine by me,

Dogwalks2 · 02/05/2020 23:33

I can’t imagine not passing time with your neighbours.
We range in age from 93 to our newest resident coming up 1 year. Lovely to have a baby on the road as everyone else has late teens or grown up children who have moved away.
People who move on our Are t don’t move. Raise their kids in the larger houses then downsize to the few bungalows Available.
The older people on our road have taught the younger about community.

BackforGood · 02/05/2020 23:39

BackforGood No, I don’t need any of the things you’ve suggested there.

No, you might not, but here's a thought - what if your neighbours do ? (Not aimed at any one poster - but al those people who refuse to interact with neighbours). I can't understand why people are so unwilling to 'be there' when others might need them

Re 'holding a key for a neighbour' - surely my teens, and my neighbours teens, can't be the only people who, over a number of years have all managed to arrive home without their doorkey ? I've never used my neighbour's key to go in to their house, but I've handed it over to each of their dc on several occasions. When my dc were teens, our other neighbours handed our spare key (which they held) to our teens on numerous occasions too.
Can't believe that concept is so alien to so many people. Hmm

Ninkanink · 02/05/2020 23:48

It’s not an alien concept to me at all. It’s rather odd that you would think it is...I’m perfectly aware that that’s how some people choose to do things, and I understand why they do it. Doesn’t mean I personally have to want to live like that. No one has a key to my home but me and my DH. I’d be happy for my daughters to have one, but that’s it.

Dogwalks2 · 03/05/2020 00:00

4 of my neighbours have my key as I have theirs.
We are just a normal middle class area in the north, thought everyone was like us.