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Original poster

What r'ship do you currently have with neighbours and what r'ship do you want?

130 replies

FTMF30 · 02/05/2020 17:16

Since CV19 our road have joined a group WhatsApp. I didn't particularly want to join the group but didn't want to ignore the invitation either. So I joined. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at first but now it's all getting too pally for me. I'm dreading the plans being made for "when it's all over". Now they've sent round an invite for a bloody VE day celebration where we all sit in our front gardens and play music. I don't want to do that. I know I can simply not take part but I've felt awkward enough for not going out to religiously clap. It's like social judgement if you don't.

I much prefer neighbours to be those you exchange pleasantries with if you see them and not much more.

I think I'm just a socially awkward person, bordeline miserable (🤷‍♀️). But I just dont like how things have become (people posting pics in their garden, new appliances, their kids playing, etc) Am I miserable? What kind of relationship do you have with your neighbours and is it the type of relationship you want?

OP posts:

ImNotWhoYouThinkIam · 02/05/2020 18:28

NDN on one side was ds2s teacher a few years ago. That was a shock when she moved in and we finally got around to 'meeting' her. These days she's rarely in but we swap Christmas cards and shes asked me to keep an eye on the house when she goes away.
NDN on the other side are lovely. Their dc are a bit younger than mine but they used to chat over the fence when mine still played outside.
I'm on first name terms with a handful of other people in my street and nodding/smiling terms with most.

I joined our street WhatsApp group recently. It's mainly been one resident asking for food and then it all got a bit weird at 1am when he messaged asking for more food and people got annoyed thay he woke them up and others commented that he needed to stop asking and actually make use of the food banks he had been signposted to. It was a bit weird.

TwoZeroTwoZero · 02/05/2020 18:32

I don't even know the names of most people on my street let alone have their phone numbers or be in a whatsapp group. That sounds too familiar. I don't go out and clap and I'm not planning on joining any street party for VE day ether. Our front garden has a fairly tall hedge to the front and side anyway so no-one would be able to see us if we did so it's a bit pointless!

ScarfLadysBag · 02/05/2020 18:32

@FTMF30 You are my kind of neighbour! I would be honoured to live next to you and never speak to you

SueEllenMishke · 02/05/2020 18:32

Haha I was an introvert until I moved here!
What is really nice is you can join in the bits you like and nobody has an issue if you sit things out.

Eeyoresstickhouse · 02/05/2020 18:37

I hate one set of neighbours as they are neighbours from hell. Music blasting, swearing all the time, they have now managed to fill up 2 large wheelie bins in a week with wine bottles and beer cans so I think that shows what they are like.

The other 2 flats we say hello to but that's about it. I am happy with a hello. I am quite anti social so dont want to be best pals but it's nice to be polite.

Original poster

FTMF30 · 02/05/2020 18:42

@ScarfLadysBag 😂We'd be a match made in heaven!

OP posts:

Original poster

FTMF30 · 02/05/2020 18:43

Having read these responses, I'm glad to see I'm not as miserable as I was beginning to think.

OP posts:

MondeoFan · 02/05/2020 18:45

@Nomorewineever ooohhhh I love AC/DC 😊

Glittertwins · 02/05/2020 18:46

I don't even recognise some of our neighbours and we've been here 17years! Guess we just don't cross paths very often.

Spaghetti123 · 02/05/2020 18:47

Is r'ship a thing now? People can't type a few more letters? Especially with predictive text so you don't even have to?

MondeoFan · 02/05/2020 18:47

Both my neighbours are elderly and I'm late 40's so I help them a lot. One neighbour got locked out and I helped her back indoors and the other day I made her a cup of tea as her sciatica is bad. The other side I've been getting his shopping as he has broken his leg after a fall, he has carers coming in and out but no one to get his shopping.
I don't mind at all and happy to get on with them both.

ParkheadParadise · 02/05/2020 18:50

My neighbours are all great. 6 houses in the cul-de-sac.
When my dd died they sent flowers, brought food over and they all came to her funeral.
When dd2 was born I received lovely presents from them all. They all came to her christening.
In the past I've borrowed sugar, teabags etc. I always take in all the parcels as I'm at home all day.
I cant imagine not getting on with my neighbours.

heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 18:51

We don’t have any relationship. I wouldn’t recognise them at all, and that’s the way I like it.

There’s no need for us to know our neighbours just because we happen to live next door to them.

Ragwort · 02/05/2020 18:54

Very pleasant without being over pushy, always happy to take in parcels, put dustbins in/out, helping out with shopping at the moment, have a friendly chat - one is a nurse, she was a great help with a medical emergency. We all supported one neighbour when her DH died.

We have dinner/drinks with one set of neighbours bu there aren't many social occasions, have had a couple of street parties in the past.

Just how I like it, and one neighbour is home all day and a great 'neighbourhood watch' .

AliciaMayEmory · 02/05/2020 18:54

I live in a friendly street in a village and although we don’t have a WhatsApp group for the street, I am friends with most people and our children play out front together or up the park, so I have their phone numbers/chat separately on WhatsApp and I do socialise with some of them. But, even though everyone would be invited to a party or similar, people also know that some people just like to keep themselves to themselves and that’s ok. No one has anything against that. There would be no shaming someone if they didn’t clap on a Thursday or join in any local celebration. One of the mums has set up a parents group now the kids are off school and post ideas for people to do such as putting certain things in front windows for children to look out for as they walk by, having a ‘stay in your garden’ party for VE Day and last week it was a particular time to come out and sing Happy Birthday to Captain Tom. I pick and choose what I want to join in with. Never had any problems with that either.

Just do what you feel comfortable with. I like knowing everyone and we all help each other out from time to time if needed. It’s useful to get on with your neighbours, but you don’t have to be best friends with them.

Ragwort · 02/05/2020 18:56

hearts - I think that is quite sad, have you not needed any help during the current situation? (Or wanted to offer help to anyone?).

We have had elderly neigbours fall who need help, we had help ourselves when we had a DIY emergency . We take each others parcels in if we are out.

No one is intrusive but it is great to know that there is someone to call if you need help. Years ago when I had my baby I knew no one (we had moved away from family and friends to a new area) I was so glad to have friendly and kind neighbours.

Stinkyjellycat · 02/05/2020 19:00

A lovely neighbour started a WhatsApp group to organise a VE Day celebration. It’s a nice idea but there have been 100 messages in the last 24 hours and it’s really getting on my nerves. I have lovely neighbours either side but I really don’t need a hundred memes from random neighbours.

heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 19:00

I think that is quite sad, have you not needed any help during the current situation? (Or wanted to offer help to anyone?).

Ragwort No, we haven’t needed any help nor do I feel inclined to put my family at risk by offering help.

You can think it’s sad all you want, but it’s the way I like it. I’m not interested in who they are and this situation hasn’t made me want to reach out.

foreverandalways · 02/05/2020 19:01

SueEllenMishke · 02/05/2020 19:02

hearts you could say that about any friendship group. Why bother getting to know people you went to school, uni or work with? 🤷

Badtasteflump · 02/05/2020 19:05

I don't know the names of my neighbours. We nod and say hello if I see them in the street but that's as friendly as I cba to be.

heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 19:06

you could say that about any friendship group. Why bother getting to know people you went to school, uni or work with?

SueEllenMishke I bother to get to know the people I work with because I spend 8 hours a day with them every day. I’m polite to the ones who are not my cup of tea per se and close with the ones who are.

I don’t need to spend 8 hours a day with my neighbours. In fact, I don’t need to spend any time with them at all. So I don’t.

SueEllenMishke · 02/05/2020 19:12

Fair enough hearts .....

Where I live you can't avoid neighbours and other villagers unless you never go out as there are always events and socialising to be had.
Obviously they're all cancelled at the moment but I'm grateful for the friendships during this time as it's kept us sane! It's been lovely to feel part of a community and see everyone going out of their way to support each other.
I can't wait for the village party when this is all over.

OhTheRoses · 02/05/2020 19:14

8 houses. Gated road. 5 properties have gates within. We share gardeners and window cleaner. Sort bins if people are away. Friendly waves; occasional chat. All very civilised. Nobody here claps. There will be no street parties. I think it was different 20 years ago when there were 14 children in the road. But they have either grown up or families have moved away. One family has has older primary DC and another has an older teenager. After that ours are youngest. Late 50s, 86, us (late 50s), 70ish, late 40s, late 50s, early 40s, 70s. Can't remember all their names. We tend to refer to them as house names. "Oh I think The Cedars went on holiday this morning."

Noise is mostly birdsong and lawnmowers, not many planes at present.

heartsonacake · 02/05/2020 19:18

Where I live you can't avoid neighbours and other villagers unless you never go out as there are always events and socialising to be had.

SueEllenMishke Of course you could avoid them; you just don’t go to said events. You don’t want to though because you like them and that’s fine, but that sort of thing is extremely easy to avoid.

The sort of “community” you describe would be a living nightmare for me.

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