What r'ship do you currently have with neighbours and what r'ship do you want?

[FTMF30]

Since CV19 our road have joined a group WhatsApp. I didn't particularly want to join the group but didn't want to ignore the invitation either. So I joined. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be at first but now it's all getting too pally for me. I'm dreading the plans being made for "when it's all over". Now they've sent round an invite for a bloody VE day celebration where we all sit in our front gardens and play music. I don't want to do that. I know I can simply not take part but I've felt awkward enough for not going out to religiously clap. It's like social judgement if you don't.

I much prefer neighbours to be those you exchange pleasantries with if you see them and not much more.

I think I'm just a socially awkward person, bordeline miserable (🤷‍♀️). But I just dont like how things have become (people posting pics in their garden, new appliances, their kids playing, etc) Am I miserable? What kind of relationship do you have with your neighbours and is it the type of relationship you want?

@springydaff You've summed up exactly how I feel. I do like a bit of anonymity.

"Be friendly with your neighbours. But don't be friends with your neighbours."

Wise words of my dad.

Your Dad is a wise man @ForTheLoveOfSleep

My square is of 2 bedroom private rented, mortgaged & HA houses. Some terraced, some semis.
I share a driveway with Maggie whose late 60s, we've swapped numbers & Xmas cards & chat when we see each other.
Next door is Louise who is a recently separated young mum with 2 little boys. I hate her ex and I'm sure he dislikes me. Louise & I chat over the fence.
So I'm friendly with them both & we'd help each other out if necessary but we're not close friends.

I say hi to 2 other neighbours - Cecil an old guy & a nice Russian guy with a Chinese wife whose names I don't know.

The other neighbours are on smiling terms.

Some of my neighbours are foreign of various nationalities & many rent so they move regularly, therefore there doesn't seem to be much gossip (I could be wrong) and much judginess. But there's a nice friendly feel to the neighbourhood.
It's the perfect environment for me!!

We live in a quiet estate of about 80 properties. I know about 20% of them to wave/say hi/exchange pleasantries. I have one good friend, who was my childminder when I first moved in and I am friendly with my immediate neighbours, an elderly couple. The wife would pop in occasionally (once a month at most) to have a cuppa and chat. Now I do their shopping for them and bake them a cake a couple of times a week. I used to make an effort to be friends with all the neighbours, loan them things and invite them to parties etc but I’ve had major fallings out with 3 of them, one was a parking dispute. They insist on parking their car right in front of their house even if it means taking up space for two cars and then giving me abuse because I dared to park in such a way that they could still park, just not directly outside their house. It’s a public road! One neighbour’s kid threatened to stab me, the police had to get involved, very scary!
Now I keep myself to myself and not get too involved, people are weird!

Rebel have to say I disagree with that, I moved ten years ago and am still in close touch with my old neighbours, they were there for me when my DS was born (with serious health problems - and being new to the area had no other friends or family nearby) and have taken a real interest in his life as he grew up.

@Still1nLove That sounds awful! Some people really are weird. That's another reason I don't particularly want to be uber pally with my neighbours. They're really not my type of people. The contents of the WhatsApp group has come to prove this.

We moved here 2 days before lockdown but owned the house for 6 weeks before that. in those 6 weeks we met the neighbour on one side who is really lovely. She has given us some extra potatoes from her farm shop delivery and in normal circumstances I would have baked her something lovely but our oven doesn't work and I'm nervous about possibly passing the disease to her as she is older.

Haven't yet met the other side, she was away before lockdown and now she is there but obviously it's not the time to go knocking on doors.

Have a nodding acquaintance with others on the road. They all seem very nice. Out of 12 houses in our little section only us and like 2 others seem to be young ish couples/ families and the others are all older, so there's not a lot of social media between us. our nextdoor neighbourhood is pretty quiet.

People in my road are generally quiet and keep themselves to themselves. They're friendly in passing. I can cope with that (I'm autistic). I like my next door neighbours because they're nice people, quiet and seem like decent sorts.

The woman opposite is very chatty and rather nosey and I have to avoid her. If she sees me doing the front garden she comes out and asks me questions from across the road. She also organises facebook virtual events and tries to get me into that. I've given up trying to do my window boxes for this year as I can't face going out the front.

There is limited clapping on my street. I'd be surprised if they organise a party for Friday, but Chatty Kathy might attempt to interest everyone.

If I had more money I'd live somewhere which has no neighbours.

I think "friendly but not friends" is what I aim for. We would never go into each other´s houses or meet for drinks out on the lawn, but we would look out for each other´s houses if needed, water flowers when someone is away on holiday etc. I have both my neighbour´s numbers on my mobile phone, but one I think I have messaged twice in the last year and the other not at all.

No way would j join a what's app group. We meet on a Thursday for the obligatory clap and that's the most I've seen of my neighbours in 20 yrs of living here. They are all lovely and we are all friendly. But that's as far as it goes -as far as I want it to go --

I have a different experience from Rebel too.
I kept in touch with neighbour from my first home, until she passed away. I still keep in touch (phone weekly and visit about once a fortnight) with my neighbour who has moved into a care home.
SOme neighbours - like some colleagues, some dc's friends' parents, some school friends, some friends from a hobby, are 'of a time' but some remain friends. It just happens on an individual basis.

Can you mute the group. And them after the party you can come back and say that sorry you got distracted with all the notifications while you were working from home so you haven't seen it. That way you don't look rude but don't need to participate

Great neighbours, cul de sac if 7 terraced houses, my adjoining two great, 1 of 90 dearly loves puss who chooses to spend a lot time in her garden! My other adjoining neighbour neighbour has downs, even good friends with her mum.
As a close we tend to go out fir get togethers about 3 times a year , which suits us all, and anyone would help anyone.
I consider myself very lucky

I know, to say hello to, pretty much everyone on my street. Direct NDN’s on each side, I’m Facebook friends with and we’ll stand and have a chat if we happen to be out at the same time, but aren’t in and out of each other’s houses kind of friendly. Same with the family directly opposite - we’ve both got our caravans on the drive, so will have a chat about caravan-y things every now and then, but nothing else. I take parcels in for anyone that needs it, as they do me and we all have a “if ever you need anything...” kind of relationship. I’m not the most sociable person, so I’m more than happy with how I get along with my neighbours.

We only have one set of neighbours. We’ve had our ups and downs, nothing bad, we’re just different and they can be selfish. However we’ve probably been a lot closer during lockdown. They’re poseurs and like to show off, we’re the Clampets. But without their posy friends around to show off to they’ve been quite chilled and friendly.

Great neighbours, friendly but not friends. All willing to help where necessary, exchange cards at Christmas, Ramadan for our immediate neighbour, live in a very small street, it’s just how I like it!

I was ready to move when my upstairs neighbours were a young couple with toddlers who woke up at 5am every morning, liked having loud sex and phoned India in the middle of the night.

New upstairs neighbour is fantastic, a very quiet single woman. We take in parcels for each other and say hello and I'm fine with that level of relationship.

I'm friends with one neighbour, he is a gardener and does my garden at a cheap rate. He loves a long chat which I am less keen on and we have each others phone numbers.

The rest are fine, occasional chats and helpful to each other but not friends.

I do think there's a definite risk to being over-friendly with neighbours. A very good friend of mine were thick as thieves with their next door neighbours for a few years - sharing childcare, holidays, godparents to each other, get togethers every weekend.

Then on one of those get togethers they had an almighty drunken row that got totally out of hand (lots of little gripes suddenly became huge). The woman of the other couple grabbed a kitchen knife and threatened them all (including her own husband) and it generally went to shit from there. Within a month my friend had put their house on the market and moved as far away from them as they could.

I know a few people on my street, used to work with one couple and another is good friends with a couple of girls I went to school with.
But direct neighbours? One side I rarely see as they both work unsociable hours, their cars are either here or they aren't, but we exchange pleasantries when we see eachother, maybe once a fortnight?
The otherside had been empty for v about 3 months until last week, now there are different cars and vans almost every single day, I'm not even sure if we'll ever meet as they seem to arrive after 5pm daily and are gone before I get up at 7am with dcs.

I don’t know my neighbours. I’m pretty sure that they exist (as evidenced by lights on and occasionally seeing their rubbish out when bin lorries comes late). It’s better than having arsehole neighbours so I’m happy.

We say hello if we pass each other but that's it.

It's perfect that way! I wouldn't want to be all buddy buddy with my neighbours. I like being left alone

On one side of us is a primary school (where DD goes) - we love living next to it though we do have to ignore a lot of horrific parking. It feels very sad at the moment not hearing the kids playing outside.

Neighbours on other side are a nice couple, we say hello and occasionally chat briefly, take in parcels etc. Nodding terms with other neighbours who all seem pretty nice. Lots of them have lived here for ages and it's been interesting to see who knows each other well during lockdown - shouting to catch up at the weekly clap! We don't clap every week, didn't last week and probably won't again but not everyone comes out anyway, though most do. Don't really feel any judgment.

We got a leaflet through about a VE Day celebration, the whole village got one. I think it's crass and jingoistic so we won't be taking part but I understand why it might be popular and imagine some people round here will do it.

Oh op I'm with you- I wouldnt want to do this either.
Just before lock down part of the fence (their fence) blew down and they havent replaced it- we xant do anything without them joining in with a comment- ours kids love to have a chat with them and they're grandparent age and nice enough it's just relentless and I have a feeling they're not going to replace the fence panels and we're going to have an awkward conversation about it.

Other neighbours are lovely- say hello, quick chat but not so full on...

I live on an army camp and there is around 80 houses. I would say I know a quarter of those to stop and have a chat with.

There is only 4 houses in my row and we all get on well. There are no elderly or people living on their own in my estate, all families or couples. Most of the kids know each other. I get on very well with my immediate neighbours, go shopping together and the occasional night out.

I am looking forward to VE celebrations, however, I do worry that with so many young children living here that the social distancing aspect will be difficult to manage, altough my teens probably won't leave their bedrooms