Well that was rather mortifying!

[Whathewhatnow]

Some unfortunate circumstances have seen me having to share the house with my ex-partner, children's dad, during lockdown.

I have a smartphone like most people.
My smartphone is bluethoothed to the car we shared before we split. I occasionally use this car. I love music. Car is always set to play from my phone.

Ex went out to the supermarket whilst the kids were going to sleep.

It's been a looong lonely lockdown. My new man ditched me about 4 weeks ago, understandably, given I had had to move back in with ex fuckhead and I am mid cycle with dying last-ditch eggs bidding for survival.

Ladies and gents: do not under any circumstances watch rude action on your phone whilst bluetooth is turned on. When your bluetoothed car arrives on the driveway, the driver will get something they hadn't bargained for, through the car stereo.

It took me about 10 seconds to think what the fuck has happened to the sound.... bloody bloody bandwidth issues, again! Oh.... fuckkkkkkk

Dont know what Alan Partridge would have to say about that

OMG Morning Coffee Biscuits! They have a picture of a hot cup of brew onnem! I haven't seen one of those since I were a nipper! Knobbly edges! I want one --packet- now!

Far less comments about how porn is bad and evil than there are on every single thread where it’s about a man watching it 🤔

Yes I found that strange too. Porn is often filmed abuse and no one can EVER know for sure that what they are watching is not trafficked women being made to 'perform'. There is no way of knowing this.

The idea of any man or woman masturbating to porn turns my stomach.

I think that's because no one is actually reading and responding to OP, BadApe.

I knew exactly what you meant straight away, dont know why other posters found it confusing.
That is mortifying but you have had sex with him in the past so it cant be that embarrassing. Just pretend it never happened

Every day I have a Double Decker!

The best time to plant tulips is between Sept and Dec. Just call me Alan Titmarsh

Jaffa Cakes are so underrated.

Ladies and gents: do not under any circumstances watch rude action on your phone whilst bluetooth is turned on. When your bluetoothed car arrives on the driveway

Yes, I was viewing some raunchy unsuitable things on my phone and it played through the car stereo. .momentarily....

You were watching porn in a moving car? That you were driving?

I do appreciate that views on porn differ and it is generally not popular on here but there is more and less ethical porn.

Anyway.

No, I wasnt driving. I was in my bedroom. Ex was driving and drove back into range at an unfortunate juncture :)

@bettybattenburg isnt that rather niche?

Quite possibly, yes.

How should one pronounce Nice biscuits though?

Is it pronounced Nice or Nice?

I did eat the rest of the chocolate digestives. I put them away for another day and then today I got them back out and ate them. I bloody knew I would.

@BrimFullOfAsher on MN surely its naice???

So this is the tosser thread then. Posters piling in to be utterly unfunny, derailing a thread to talk utter shite.

I wouldn't bother posting on your thread again OP. People are just being twats.

Aaaand @Qwerty543 offering something equally as productive to the thread 🤦‍♂️

Do twats even eat biscuits let alone share them ?

@Qwerty543 have your very own

Nothing wrong with a break from the norm Qwerty even more so given current situation

Thanks @Querty543 ... I started this as a lighthearted, WTF have done, sort of thread and died in a sea of biscuit references.... I mean, I love a biscuit as much as the next person but nevertheless.. felt a bit disenfranchised from my own thread .