Well that was rather mortifying!

[Whathewhatnow]

Some unfortunate circumstances have seen me having to share the house with my ex-partner, children's dad, during lockdown.

I have a smartphone like most people.
My smartphone is bluethoothed to the car we shared before we split. I occasionally use this car. I love music. Car is always set to play from my phone.

Ex went out to the supermarket whilst the kids were going to sleep.

It's been a looong lonely lockdown. My new man ditched me about 4 weeks ago, understandably, given I had had to move back in with ex fuckhead and I am mid cycle with dying last-ditch eggs bidding for survival.

Ladies and gents: do not under any circumstances watch rude action on your phone whilst bluetooth is turned on. When your bluetoothed car arrives on the driveway, the driver will get something they hadn't bargained for, through the car stereo.

It took me about 10 seconds to think what the fuck has happened to the sound.... bloody bloody bandwidth issues, again! Oh.... fuckkkkkkk

I went to work with my jacket on inside out. I only noticed when I tried to put my car keys in my pocket.

And Jaffa cakes are on offer at the Co Op in packs of 24. Also Gold bars. Unfortunately I like neither of these.

Could have been a lot worse OP. Imagine if your ex had had his mother in the car with him!

not cringworthy but blue tooth story.
dh went to the grocery store by vehicle, i went on a walk.
i phoned and was chatting to a friend, dh came within range and heard that part of the conversation. at that point in time it was bland mundane stuff vs 10 minutes earlier when i was whining about him (which would have upset him ;( ).
moral of the story...don't whine on the phone to friends about dh...ever! unless doubly secure.

I’ve eaten a whole box of black magic because I’m starting a diet tomorrow.

I have about fifteen foot of freshly dug over flower beds and am wondering what to put in them. My gardening book is confusing me as it goes on and on about needing to test the soil for acidity using an inexpensive pH kit "available everywhere." Is Mr Patel on the corner likely to stock one, though?

What are Gold bars? Do you mean the gack Wispas that have caramel in them?

Claes Bang is the "hottest" Dracula ever. Discuss...

Custard creams are a biscuity abomination.

I got some tulip bulbs for Christmas and forgot to plant them. I wish I had, seeing everyone else’s blooming beautifully.

@CoronaMoaner
I’ve just done that with some dairy milk
Sadly it seems to happen quite frequently.

I invented mincemeat muffins the other day . Found a jar of left over mincemeat in the cupboard and got experimental. They tasted ok, but the mincemeat was too heavy to give them a proper muffin top , so they were effectivelly soft obese biscuits.

Is this a random thread for random people?
I'm lost
As it's a random thread my random thought right now is feeling a bit meh about my username that gave me happy thoughts of nice days in the sun what with being lockdown - then some absolute charmer comes along and just insinuated I'm some kind of pervert for it - feckin fuckwittery on here lately blah whatever lol

As you were

Oh no I wasn't being rude, like have a biscuit I was being random and said the first thing I thought of. Sorry OP

Gold bars are a bit like clubs but not as nice. Too sickly. Though I do like caramac oddly. I think for the full gold bar effect, one needs to eat them whilst watching Howard's Way. They are a kind of biscuit equivalent. Or maybe its just become that way for me as I probably ate them at that time, when I was a young teen.

Tulips best planted in Sept/Oct/Nov but make sure you put some horticultural grit underneath. They don't like wet feet at all.

We have never bothered with PH kits. Just have a wander round your neighbourhood and see what everyone else is growing. There are plenty of plants that aren't fussy. Pick a handful of soil up - crinkle it in your hand. Is it sticky (clay) or sandy and fine? If latter get some well rotted horse muck (stables) or some nice peat free compost. Also order a Sarah Raven catalogue. She is queen of all the tulips.

Overheard Porn - I can tackle gardening questions but not this. You will be mortified but you'll know for future. As will we all assembled here. Another of life's little lessons learned.

My teenage son got in the car, plugged in his phone to charge and yup..... very interesting soundtrack came over my car speakers. I thought Radio 4 had got a bit spicy, rushed to turn it over (to protect his innocent ears ) but no, it was from his phone

Last ditch eggs?

Radio 4 could do with spicing up. Their dramas are abysmal.

Clearly not Lion stamp.

@RickOShay see you on the April diet thread!

Indeed he is GreekOddess. Oh my

I like rice.

Oh no that's so bloody funny 😂😂😂😂

Jaffa’s are 🤢

Quantity wise it takes less Gold bars to make me feel sick than chocolate, so I eat less so it's a win win.

They were bigger back in the day but not as big as Wagon Wheels.

Comedy gold. Thank you.