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Original poster

Never planned my wedding as a girl

137 replies

TenCornMaidens · 27/04/2020 12:46

I just watched the episode of Friends where Monica says girls all plan their ideal wedding throughout their lives. I know it's only TV, but I just never did this, or don't remember if I did.

I'm sure I'm not alone. Anyone else?

OP posts:

megletthesecond · 27/04/2020 17:10

Nope.
Never got married either. I wouldn't say no to marrying in vintage Lacroix though.

Ginfordinner · 27/04/2020 17:27

People who get stressed out by planning what is really a big party must be hard work to be around

Given the number of bridezilla posts we get on mumsnet, that is pretty much an understatement

Waxonwaxoff0 · 27/04/2020 17:35

Nope, never planned mine either. I don't have a romantic bone in my body to be fair.

RaininSummer · 27/04/2020 17:36

Me neither and at the age of around 14 I said I would never marry and I never have.

Picklypickles · 27/04/2020 17:47

@BossAssBitch - yes, that's why we don't want to be around anybody! I hate parties, can't stand being surrounded by loads of people or too much noise!

belleofthemall · 27/04/2020 17:59

I did dream of meeting the right person and settling down, just not having a big day to celebrate it.

My partner and I very committed and have been engaged for years but now we have a child it wouldn't feel right to spend a fortune on one day rather a nicer home or life in general.

Also the thought of being centre of attention all day makes me anxious not excited.

sociallydistained · 27/04/2020 17:59

My mother had two failed marriages by the time I was 7. Most people I knew had failed marriages or were unhappy and I immediately thought "I don't want that". I don't want to marry and if I do it will not be a big wedding it'll be the smallest imaginable lol.

PhoneLock · 27/04/2020 18:14

I was a tomboy child and didn't start planning my wedding until I actually got engaged. I found the whole thing quite fun. Certainly not stressful.

The ceremony was important to me, as was the big party afterwards. I come from a big party family.

Original poster

TenCornMaidens · 27/04/2020 18:39

OP here. Clearly I am totally normal. I also found the idea of being the centre of attention awful (but it was okay on the day). Thanks everyone

OP posts:

Ginfordinner · 27/04/2020 18:45

I do hope that those of you in happily unmarried partnerships with children are either financially independent or have watertight legal documentation in case anything happens to either one of you. Marriage is also a legal contract that covers these issues, not just a big party.

DDIJ · 27/04/2020 18:50

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

moveoverhogger · 27/04/2020 18:54

DH & I had this exact conversation the other day.

Never even entertained the idea of getting married as a child. I'd only been to two weddings before our own & never felt the need to have a 'big day'. For us we got married because we wanted to be married not because we wanted a wedding.

Murraygoldberg · 27/04/2020 18:54

Never planned a wedding, did get married, felt obliged to have most of the guests, had about 40 and would have been happy with less than half that.
No plans to marry again, have been with dp several years, we both earn roughly the same with similar pensions and both own homes of similar values and both have wills and death in service in place, so no need to get married, plus we both have children from our marriages so by not been married they are protected.

Pelleas · 27/04/2020 18:57

No, not something I ever gave a thought to.

In the event I had a small register office wedding with 20 guests - it was a lovely day but not much planning was involved at all.

FurryGiraffe · 27/04/2020 18:59

Never planned it as a child and spent my teen years regarding as a patriarchal institution I wanted no part of. Eventually came to the conclusion the benefits outweighed the origins! But it was very small, planned in about 6 weeks, and the only stress came from relatives offering unhelpful but very well meant advice

YouJustDoYou · 27/04/2020 19:02

No, by the time I was 10 I'd seen parents divorce, my father and other males I knew cheat, wives crying, friends parents divorce because the dad cheated. Hated the very idea of marriage.

Bluebooby · 27/04/2020 19:05

Never planned a wedding as a child or an adult. Have never wanted to marry but if I did it would be in the registry office with the two required witnesses (I think that's a requirement, I don't even know). But tbh even those big weddings I don't get the stress about them. It's not that hard to book a few things and buy a dress.

Bertucci · 27/04/2020 19:05

No never.

And when I was planning my actual wedding, I found it a bore and a chore.

Bluebooby · 27/04/2020 19:26

I was reading an article about people who have had to cancel their weddings due to happen now. So many of them were in the £20k mark! I can’t ever imagine spending that much.

FlamingoAndJohn my partner's sister and her now husband spent over £20k on their wedding. Well actually, her parents paid for the whole thing (and they're not especially well off either). I can imagine that she was brought up to see weddings as the dream day actually. She's the youngest child and only girl, with four older brothers and has always been treated like the "princess" of the family. I think it was a waste of money and they'd have been better off putting the money towards a house deposit. As a guest I couldn't tell any difference between their wedding and a cheaper more normal wedding, except that it cost us £1000 to attend because it was abroad and we had to stay in an expensive hotel. I suppose I am a bit of a killjoy though.

Ikeameatballs · 27/04/2020 19:39

I’ve been married once and broke off another engagement a few months before. I enjoyed booking/planning stuff but can’t say I’d dreamt about it for years.

I now enjoy watching “Say Yes to the Dress” but have no desire to get married again! Love the frocks though!

BackforGood · 27/04/2020 19:42

Nope. I'm with the overwhelming majority on this thread. Never really thought about it until booking things for my wedding.

I agree @MrsAvocet

YorkOrLucas · 27/04/2020 19:44

As a child- nope.

As a single adult I have a Pinterest board with 400 pins

Orangelover · 27/04/2020 19:57

Yep. I planned it in my teens.

I am now engaged to a lovely man, we have a great life together and I am ecstatic that years of wedding fantasy will finally become a reality. It's one hundred percent the marriage I am looking forward to as much as the day, and I can not wait to be married to my fiancé and continue our life together.

But I can not deny - I can't wait for a wedding day. I don't feel ashamed. It's not going to be a huge wedding - just average size and budget. But I am really looking forward to it and yes I am that person who is making things for centre pieces with joy. I also really enjoy other people's weddings unlike the majority of people's on Mumsnet. I enjoy the favours, looking at the styling, celebrating the bride and groom, the music, food. I'm enjoying this period of my life where all of our friends are approaching the wedding stage and the excitement of everyone's big days. Not to mention the hen and stag dos. All good for for me.

I resent the idea that some PPs think that because I've always looked forward to a wedding I see that as the pinnacle of my life. It's not, I have a successful career which I've worked very hard for. But I also wish to celebrate my relationship in the form of a wedding where my other half becomes my family legally and we start the rest of our life together and hopefully have children.

Karenaki · 30/04/2020 21:20

Ooh that’s the London episode, I was there for the taping!

pinkpinecone · 01/05/2020 08:56

@Orangelover

I think often those who haven't dreamt of it feel in the minority. Maybe it doesn't seem like that on this thread but it's often expected that women dream of a big day from a young age or at least get excited about our own weddings as adults. So it's nice to be able to express feelings that are different from the norm here.

Personally I love going to other people weddings I just don't want a big one of my own. It's just a difference of opinion.

Enjoy your big day it sounds wonderful and exactly what you want which is how it should be!

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