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Original poster

Never planned my wedding as a girl

137 replies

TenCornMaidens · 27/04/2020 12:46

I just watched the episode of Friends where Monica says girls all plan their ideal wedding throughout their lives. I know it's only TV, but I just never did this, or don't remember if I did.

I'm sure I'm not alone. Anyone else?

OP posts:
ThatsWhatHeroesDo · 27/04/2020 13:07

I liked playing weddings as a kid but I didn't plan to marry my neighbour whilst wearing an old net curtain on my head.

JHaniver · 27/04/2020 13:08

No, I never did. Like a few other posters I found planning my actual wedding very easy, just found things I liked with my husband and booked it, and had a lovely day.

BikeRunSki · 27/04/2020 13:08

Nope. I knew what I wanted to do for a job, where I was going to live and what car I was going to drive. There was never a partner, children or marriage included. I have more or less achieved the first three, and will have been married for 20 years on Wednesday (we also have 2 dc).

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2020 13:11

Me neither. I wasn’t going to get married at all and liked the idea of being a nun, despite having no religion.

Turned out I loved boys and marriage so I’ve now done it twice. Can’t relate to “wedding stress” either and have little sympathy for people who lose their minds over the details. My weddings were lovely affairs, on budget, didn’t upset anyone, didn’t lose sight of the end product which was the marriage. I probably shouldn’t have done the first one but you live and learn and second time has been a charm so far.

BittersweetMemories · 27/04/2020 13:13

Actually, now I think about it I think I haven't found it stressful bevause THE ONLY things I actually care about are:

  • the dress. The only time I will get to wear a fabulous OTT Disney princess dress
  • marrying DP
  • FOOD
  • Cake
  • everyone having fun

Therefore, ensure there is good music, plenty of yummy food (we are doing macaroni, fish and chips and pizza), and plenty of drunk is the only things that matter.

Nobody cares about the colour of your table cloths, or how many flowers you have, or that your cake cost £1000 (FOR A CAKE!!!!!), people just want a fun party and I just want to marry DP.

In an amazing dress.

ActuallyItsEugene · 27/04/2020 13:14

Not as a kid. Ever since I discovered Pinterest on the other hand....

I'm unashamed to admit that I've made several different boards for different themes Grin

Trinpy · 27/04/2020 13:17

Yes!!!! Currently "planning" our wedding and everyone asks if I'm stressed? Errrr, not at all? As you said, found the suppliers I liked, paid the deposit, the end. Makes me worried that I'm missing something or have forgotten an integral part

It's other people that make it stressful!! The cake shop goes bust at the last minute; someone throws a wobbly that you didn't ask them to be bridesmaid; your cousin announces that she is pregnant 2 days before the wedding and all 3 courses she requested for the wedding breakfast are unsuitable for pregnant women to eat; a couple of people announce at the last minute that they're bringing a +1 even though you don't have the space or the money for a +1; some random person you didn't even invite decides to show up and help themselves to the free booze, food, so there aren't enough appetizers for everyone, including you and you're fucking starving. Oh and the best man gets lost en route to the church with the rings and the whole wedding gets postponed.

Maybe I should've planned my wedding since I was a little girl then it wouldn't have been such a fucking disaster Grin.

Ginfordinner · 27/04/2020 13:17

Nobody cares about the colour of your table cloths, or how many flowers you have, or that your cake cost £1000 (FOR A CAKE!!!!!), people just want a fun party and I just want to marry DP.

Exactly.

We had children at our wedding. One of my friends wanted to bring a plus one, and I said yes. As my family and DH's family were from opposite ends of the country it was the one and only time they met each other, and it was nice to see them getting to know each other.

Why do some bridezillas make it so stressful and complicated?

Ginfordinner · 27/04/2020 13:18

And we managed perfectly well without wedding planners.

Reginabambina · 27/04/2020 13:19

I did to a degree (I low level plan daydream hypothetical weddings/parties/home improvements/trips/landscaping projects/cakes etc). I didn’t plan my actual wedding (left it all to someone else, didn’t even pick my dress). I like daydreaming but I don’t like actual planning, too time consuming.

DuLANGDuLANGDuLANG · 27/04/2020 13:20

I’ve been married three times and have never really planned anything (except my outfit) let alone planned for an imaginary wedding!

When I married husband number 3 our venue automatically assigned us a wedding planner (we couldn’t just go to the registry office because I’d married my second husband at our nearest and he’d married his first wife at our second nearest 😂) and she was completely baffled by our requests (no entrance song, no aisle, no flowers, no readings. Just friends in a nice room, minimal vows for legal purposes, followed by vegetarian canapés and shit loads of Prosecco, them onto our local bar for an evening do). She kept calling up to say ‘are you sure you don’t want the chairs dressed?’ or ‘are you sure you don’t want some table decorations?’

Not doing it again though, 3rd times the charm!

Theflushedzebra · 27/04/2020 13:21

No, never thought about this as a child.

It's not just Friends either, I've seen this "she's been planning this wedding since she was 3 years old!!!" in a couple of films recently - I think it's just a stupid movie trope that girls are all obsessed with romance and finding Prince Charming and floaty dresses and their wedding day Hmm

stellabelle · 27/04/2020 13:24

I've been married twice, never planned either of them. I can't imagine anyone doing this, outside of an American sitcom.

cortex10 · 27/04/2020 13:27

Never thought I'd get married so never gave it a thought when young - met and married DH within 6 months of meeting him - 33 year anniversary this year.

Marylou2 · 27/04/2020 13:30

No I didn't ever imagine I'd get marrried. Thought that was for popular, pretty people. I couldn't anyone asking me or wearing a wedding dress. I'm 51 now and have been happily married for over 20 years but this thread brought this all back. Things definitely do change.

Picklypickles · 27/04/2020 13:32

No I was never really much interested in the thought of getting married myself, although I did used to enjoy dressing up barbies in wedding dresses now and then when I was primary school age, then when I was 10 I got my first horse and all other interests went out of the window!

I've actually been engaged for about a decade now but every time I even think about planning any kind of wedding I get bored/stressed and put it back at the bottom of my list of things to do. There's not much I like about weddings, the idea of being the centre of attention turns me cold, I don't like silly white dresses etc. For a long time the biggest concern for me was where to get married with mine and oh's families living at opposite ends of the country, I would prefer to not have an actual wedding with people there but oh felt differently, so it just never happened. His mum has now passed away and he's fallen out with his brother so he's now more receptive to the idea of a quick registry office affair, but again I don't really want anyone but the children there and worried about offending family by not inviting anyone. What a bloody headache it is even thinking about it.

Splenetic · 27/04/2020 13:32

I have seen posters say it on Mn, though, that they’ve been planning their ‘dream wedding’ and choosing their children’s names since they were tiny, so I assume it’s not purely a movie trope.

NewLevelsOfTiredness · 27/04/2020 13:33

Me ex.wife did. We got together at 17 and married at 21. It was a very fairytale "perfect" wedding - we had a horse drawn carriage and the works. The flowers were amazing. Excellent party afterwards.

We split at 22. I think once we graduated we let planning her perfect wedding consume us to the point where we didn't really examine if we'd returned from university as a compatible couple.

A few years later she had a much smaller wedding with the guy she left me for. I presume it was far better for her looking across at a guy she actually loved when she made her vows, even if there were fewer horses and a smaller flower budget. That was over fifteen years ago and they seem very happy, just had their second kid.

I don't think it's a great idea to have the perfect day in mind with the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with as the least important, interchangeable detail.

Reading that back it sounds bitter - not intended, we parted ways amicably, still write to each other occasionally (she fell pregnant at the same time as my girlfriend!) and splitting up led us both to much happier lives.

And it was an awesome wedding in every single respect apart from the couple!

yatapina · 27/04/2020 13:36

Me neither.

We had 15 people at the registry office, pub dinner afterwards and then back to my Mum's for drinks and cake.

A big do was never my thing, DH would've liked it to have been more formal but I would've been really uncomfortable with that!

pussycatinboots · 27/04/2020 13:38

Nope. I didn't either.
When I did finally bother to get married nearly a decade after getting engaged, I wore a black trouser suit with a purple top Hmm
Thinking about it, I wore the same outfit to at least 3 funerals...

Shayisgreat · 27/04/2020 13:40

I didn't plan anything but I had an idea of what I wanted to look like. I liked playing dress up but the marriage/groom part wasn't very interesting to me.

I remember my dad telling me as a child/preteen that I should wait until I was at least 30 before getting married and I scoffed as I thought I would be positively ancient and wouldn't look as nice.

Parkandride · 27/04/2020 13:40

I was thinking this yesterday while watching Love Is Blind while they were all going on about how they've pictured their weddings and husbands since they were little. Wasn't sure if I was abnormal as I never did.

Loved my wedding though, hated planning when it got to crunch time. As someone said further up it's not picking a photographer that's stressful it's the last minute chasing rsvps, weird dietary requirements, suppliers who stop responding, sorting the seating plan to keep relatives happy, that is all the worst.

Springersrock · 27/04/2020 13:42

I remember my cousin getting married when I was about 5.

I was her bridesmaid and I was obsessed with weddings for ages after. Played weddings, married the little boy next door with a net curtain on my head, drew pictures of wedding dresses, etc, etc

When it came to real wedding planning I couldn’t really be arsed with it. Just wanted a no frill, relaxed day with my friends and family

Gumbo · 27/04/2020 13:43

Never planned it as a child, when I decided to get married we just eloped - very little planning involved at all Grin

I can think of many, many more things to plan/worry about...

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 27/04/2020 13:43

No I never did, and don't recall any of my friends talking about their 'dream wedding' either, at least not to me. Perhaps they sensed that I would be spectacularly uninterested...

I think this obsession over the 'big day' is much less widespread than films would have us believe.